Kids: Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through... - FML

By KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33629

You deserved it

3787

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

Late term

Walk on the wild side

By anonymous - United States - Huntington

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45813

You deserved it

7024

Tweet

Share

By loserman - United States

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17447

You deserved it

56207

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was tending the cash register. I scanned a lady's items which totaled $89.68. She paid with a $100 bill. I gave her $11.32 change. She angrily gave back the extra dollar and complained about "schools nowadays". I'm an AP Calculus student. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13090

You deserved it

49490

Tweet

Share

By alie - United States

Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36750

You deserved it

4675

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37053

You deserved it

2903

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, after spending two weeks renovating my room and $1000 on paint and a new floor, my landlord told me that he's sold the house. Also, he was kind enough to inform me that unless I paint the walls back to white, I won't be getting my $500 deposit back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26316

You deserved it

19658

Tweet

Share

By Elliot - United Kingdom

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36042

You deserved it

4307

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57194

You deserved it

3510

Tweet

Share

By brokeforever - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35506

You deserved it

12226

Tweet

Share

By sad_panda - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46127

You deserved it

6921

Tweet

Share

By kyle - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41793

You deserved it

3689

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Piscataway

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38753

You deserved it

3419

Tweet

Share

By spoiled22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11825

You deserved it

28113

Tweet

Share

By HistoryHasEyes - 4/9/2020 23:01

That makes sense

Today, I was working in the produce department at my work. A lady came in to return some mangos. I asked her what the problem with the mangoes was. She said she didn't like the way they were talking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1269

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

By M - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30098

You deserved it

2502

Tweet

Share

By DravensMommy - United States

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48414

You deserved it

2983

Tweet

Share

By isoheartcaitlin - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38292

You deserved it

6145

Tweet

Share

By jcedarholm - United States - San Marcos

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8722

You deserved it

24081

Tweet

Share

By uneek_3225 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46046

You deserved it

3469

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany - Paderborn

Today, at work, a woman demanded a refund for a video game. She had no receipt, so due to company policy, I couldn't refund her. She reacted by loudly accusing me of being racist, then yelled that she'd see me in court as she finally stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47978

You deserved it

3121

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25207

You deserved it

2023

Tweet

Share

By dazedandconfused - United Kingdom

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64313

You deserved it

3798

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36579

You deserved it

2747

Tweet

Share

By frustrated - United States - Miami

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32541

You deserved it

12426

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34756

You deserved it

6693

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Get where you can!

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53288

You deserved it

9748

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

You did ask…

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23859

You deserved it

4322

Tweet

Share

By shadysheikh - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35633

You deserved it

9080

Tweet

Share

By MissMSE - Canada

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27975

You deserved it

4521

Tweet

Share

By 1000dollarspoor - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33768

You deserved it

10041

Tweet

Share

By fstfckd - United States

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42714

You deserved it

15068

Tweet

Share

By ReallyUniverse??

Today, at work as a dog groomer, two dogs gave me bloody bites, completely unprompted. I went home in tears, so my family got Chinese takeout to cheer me up. My fortune cookie read, "It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that counts." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4708

You deserved it

505

Tweet

Share

By Scabs - United States

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31700

You deserved it

2617

Tweet

Share

By LG - United States

Today, I found out that I will be spending my spring break alone because my family is going to France. I can't go with them nor go with any of my friends because I have to take care of the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38567

You deserved it

4123

Tweet

Share

By NO NO NO - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56323

You deserved it

5316

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52235

You deserved it

2750

Tweet

Share

By anabolic - United States

Today, my boss said he was giving me a significant raise. After he requested the payroll department to raise my salary they informed him he needed to fill out a one-sheet form. He took my raise away because he didn't want to fill out that sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69584

You deserved it

2725

Tweet

Share

By Chris - United States - Lakewood

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27451

You deserved it

3470

Tweet

Share

By muscalata

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3402

You deserved it

766

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41752

You deserved it

10326

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cocacola999 | 27

#6092535 - Saturday 18 October 2014 13:56

The FML depends on whether the son is 5, 15 or 25...

By ELoni_fml | 25

#6092547 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:09

And the age of the daughter in a way, if she is 1 or 21. It's not entirely unthinkable the daughter is 21 and the son is 25. If my brother would steal my bottle of vodka I would cry.

COMMENTS

By Katthebamf | 29

#6092533 - Saturday 18 October 2014 13:54

Streaking starts young!

Reply

sweetbliss3 | 37

#6092715 - Saturday 18 October 2014 17:33

they are kids (according to another poster). streaking is what kids are really good at. doesn't mean they will grow up running around naked like an idiot.

Reply

8born8 | 18

#6092801 - Saturday 18 October 2014 19:45

Ahhh but come their 18th birthday, bottles and a bare bum dare will have them streaking up a storm.

Reply

shessohighh | 10

#6093016 - Sunday 19 October 2014 2:07

OP never said her son was young.. we're all just hoping D:

By cocacola999 | 27

#6092535 - Saturday 18 October 2014 13:56

The FML depends on whether the son is 5, 15 or 25...

Reply

christina3466 | 17

#6092536 - Saturday 18 October 2014 13:57

That's what I was thinking.

Reply

ELoni_fml | 25

#6092547 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:09

And the age of the daughter in a way, if she is 1 or 21. It's not entirely unthinkable the daughter is 21 and the son is 25. If my brother would steal my bottle of vodka I would cry.

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6092564 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:22

We need a follow up to see if the kids are young or old

Reply

DomiLove | 26

#6092680 - Saturday 18 October 2014 16:52

I moderated this FML, the daughter was a few months old and the son I believe was 2. Her fiancé was suppose to be watching them but she woke up to him sleeping next to her and that.

By coming back in the future | 30

#6092537 - Saturday 18 October 2014 13:57

Your son has bare courage

By TorturedXeno | 27

#6092538 - Saturday 18 October 2014 13:58

This warrants a follow-up.

By Aquaman911 | 18

#6092546 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:07

Smh children gone wild

Reply

phoneaddict13 | 29

#6092733 - Saturday 18 October 2014 18:07

what does smh mean? and also lmao?

Reply

shay_serendipity | 29

#6092734 - Saturday 18 October 2014 18:10

.... #31 you're kidding right?

Just in case you're not:

smh: shaking my head
lmao: laughing my ass off

Reply

8born8 | 18

#6092788 - Saturday 18 October 2014 19:28

phoneaddict13... for someone with that username, you don't seem to be up to code...

Reply

phoneaddict13 | 29

#6092843 - Saturday 18 October 2014 20:43

I know.. I'm so ashamed :'(

Reply

TheOnlyMizLiv | 22

#6093864 - Monday 20 October 2014 1:34

This thing... it's called Google. Try it! :)

By Futacy | 29

#6092560 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:19

It's times like this when a kid needs a good 'ole spanking.

By PenguinBitch | 43

#6092563 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:21

Omg. Stop him before his whole head falls off!

By orbit | 22

#6092566 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:24

It's sad when you see them turn to the bottle at such a young age

By keiNan_fml | 35

#6092568 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:26

and reason being

By sarah5745 | 41

#6092570 - Saturday 18 October 2014 14:27

How old is your daughter and how old is your son?? This will determine how much of an FML this really is

Reply

DomiLove | 26

#6092681 - Saturday 18 October 2014 16:53

Daughter a few months and son I believe to be 2, her fiancé was suppose to be watching them but slept too.

Reply

MidnightWolf3 | 12

#6092766 - Saturday 18 October 2014 19:07

Glad I'm not the only one who saw the original of this FML.