Kids: Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through... - FML

By KayyElOh94 - 17/10/2014 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 667

You deserved it 3 791

Compromises

Deception

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

By zbaby - 23/05/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 857

You deserved it 6 859

By iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles - 12/08/2013 14:30 - United States - Mabank

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 814

You deserved it 4 394

I'm just saying…

By dirty boy - 05/07/2021 11:00

Today, what started as an amazing day with hiking, a picnic, more hiking, then a romantic nature walk, ended in a ridiculous screaming match between me and my boyfriend. I only asked him to shower before laying in our bed when we got home, since we were covered in sweat, bug bites and dirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Cranford

Today, despite seeing her every weekend, her not telling me her work schedule, and her having ignored me every time she gets a boyfriend, my sister is upset that I "don't make more of an effort to see her." Sorry, I'm trying to not rely on people who hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 02:00

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 807

By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 00:18 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It is the only test I've passed all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 427

You deserved it 51 604

By mylifesucks - 30/08/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 778

You deserved it 8 383

By Tourist - 26/03/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 505

You deserved it 598 738

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 887

You deserved it 15 197

By Anonymous - 23/04/2014 02:46 - United States

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 125

You deserved it 5 492

By fmT719 - 18/12/2011 23:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 551

You deserved it 17 342

By Profucktardor - 24/01/2014 20:33 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my university professor admitted to sometimes just winging it when she's teaching. "Yeah," she said, "sometimes I just don't get this stuff either." No wonder I'm failing. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 46 805

You deserved it 3 889

Bad admin

By selmar wick - 03/12/2021 05:01 - Angola

Today, my bank sent me a message, saying that they'd disabled my account. To reactivate it, I need the account number, and I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 238

Get out

By a7xforever - 14/09/2010 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 003

You deserved it 3 398

By dumbass - 06/09/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, I sprained my ankle trying to prove that I can walk in high heels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 685

You deserved it 26 169

By Nasty - 25/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Tallahassee

Spicy

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 1 341

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 21:37 - Australia

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 058

You deserved it 5 938

Oh well, maybe next… year?

By Suzi_d16 - 20/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was supposed to get married. Unfortunately, it was cancelled because of the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 259

By acme - 04/10/2012 06:20 - Israel

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 615

You deserved it 2 767

By NoHamForMeThanks - 09/03/2015 02:36 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 508

You deserved it 2 599

By everore - 25/12/2012 18:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 992

You deserved it 3 439

By cstokes - 05/05/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, at work, I was supposed to have an easy two-hour shift, after which I was planning on attending a party that had been arranged to celebrate my graduation. Nearly six hours later, I am just getting home after being super busy and shorthanded at work for hours. I missed my own party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 223

You deserved it 3 421

By numb fingers - 15/04/2016 05:54 - United States - Banning

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 919

You deserved it 3 721

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 20:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 178

You deserved it 6 286

By WorkSexMonkey - 04/01/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 007

You deserved it 36 990

By Rebecca2135 - 01/10/2018 22:05

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 489

You deserved it 303

By Childhood - 12/12/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 323

You deserved it 2 745

By failure - 15/10/2014 01:06 - United States - Loomis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 305

You deserved it 4 971

By crossl17 - 12/11/2018 15:30

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 4 584

By shootme - 13/11/2011 22:46 - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 328

You deserved it 58 447

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 2 814

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 14:51 - Canada

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 359

You deserved it 8 628

By Anonymous - 27/09/2011 02:26 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is getting back together with his crazy alcoholic ex-wife who frequently cheated on him. In addition to this news, I also found out that he maxed out all my credit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 615

You deserved it 4 863

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 155

You deserved it 37 128

By thanks_world - 26/12/2013 06:48 - United States - Everett

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 298

You deserved it 3 140

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 04:19 - New Zealand

Today, after months of job searching I got a job interview. I also later got a phone call from the manager informing me they burned down, and all current employees will be relocated or dismissed, and that my interview, scheduled for tomorrow, is postponed indefinitely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 660

You deserved it 2 246

By DookDaSpook - 11/01/2016 23:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 469

You deserved it 1 306

By TheBeastSwaq - 31/12/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 2 613

Touchy

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 05:59

Today, in a particularly crowded section of the mall, I felt someone touch my back, several times. My self-defense kicked in, I screamed to attract attention, whipped around and threw a punch. No one was there; It was my ponytail touching my back. People were staring me like I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 237

By Michelle - 09/01/2010 16:11 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 610

You deserved it 3 425

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Saturday 18 October 2014 13:56

The FML depends on whether the son is 5, 15 or 25...

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:09

And the age of the daughter in a way, if she is 1 or 21. It's not entirely unthinkable the daughter is 21 and the son is 25. If my brother would steal my bottle of vodka I would cry.

Comments

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Saturday 18 October 2014 13:54

Streaking starts young!

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Saturday 18 October 2014 17:33

they are kids (according to another poster). streaking is what kids are really good at. doesn't mean they will grow up running around naked like an idiot.

8born8 18

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:45

Ahhh but come their 18th birthday, bottles and a bare bum dare will have them streaking up a storm.

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Sunday 19 October 2014 2:07

OP never said her son was young.. we're all just hoping D:

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Saturday 18 October 2014 13:56

The FML depends on whether the son is 5, 15 or 25...

christina3466 17

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Saturday 18 October 2014 13:57

That's what I was thinking.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:09

And the age of the daughter in a way, if she is 1 or 21. It's not entirely unthinkable the daughter is 21 and the son is 25. If my brother would steal my bottle of vodka I would cry.

sayyestothedress 24

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:22

We need a follow up to see if the kids are young or old

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:52

I moderated this FML, the daughter was a few months old and the son I believe was 2. Her fiancé was suppose to be watching them but she woke up to him sleeping next to her and that.

coming back in the future 30

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Saturday 18 October 2014 13:57

Your son has bare courage

TorturedXeno 27

Saturday 18 October 2014 13:58

This warrants a follow-up.

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:07

Smh children gone wild

phoneaddict13 29

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Saturday 18 October 2014 18:07

what does smh mean? and also lmao?

shay_serendipity 29

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Saturday 18 October 2014 18:10

.... #31 you're kidding right? Just in case you're not: smh: shaking my head lmao: laughing my ass off

8born8 18

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:28

phoneaddict13... for someone with that username, you don't seem to be up to code...

phoneaddict13 29

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Saturday 18 October 2014 20:43

I know.. I'm so ashamed :'(

TheOnlyMizLiv 22

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Monday 20 October 2014 1:34

This thing... it's called Google. Try it! :)

Futacy 29

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:19

It's times like this when a kid needs a good 'ole spanking.

PenguinBitch 43

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:21

Omg. Stop him before his whole head falls off!

orbit 22

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:24

It's sad when you see them turn to the bottle at such a young age

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:26

and reason being

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Saturday 18 October 2014 14:27

How old is your daughter and how old is your son?? This will determine how much of an FML this really is

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Saturday 18 October 2014 16:53

Daughter a few months and son I believe to be 2, her fiancé was suppose to be watching them but slept too.

MidnightWolf3 12

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Saturday 18 October 2014 19:07

Glad I'm not the only one who saw the original of this FML.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 906

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 1 104