Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. Then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him, giving me the evil eye. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
Today, I walked past a group of men on my way to work. Instead of catcalling me, they made pig and whale noises at me, and yelled fat shaming comments. By the time I'd reached my building, I had been reduced to tears. FML
Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML
Today, I was tricked into seeming like a sexist pig. A girl at the gym asked me to show her how to use a machine, so I did, then she started screaming at me to leave her alone. An hour later, I was all over the gym social media in a phone video heavily edited to make me look like a creepy gym bro. FML
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Top comments
qwtf 14
Perverts like him should be locked up. What a disgrace to the male gender. Sorry OP
Firedragoncody 7
You should have bitch slapped him.
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Comments (174)
qwtf 14
Perverts like him should be locked up. What a disgrace to the male gender. Sorry OP
gingaa96 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh so just because I catch pop flies an slap ass I should be locked up, rafē? I just need some slap ass
badluckalex 23
what!? ^
grapefruit_hd 7
At least ur a man
gingaa96 18
It was a reference to the slap ass video by key & peele, I was hoping a few people might get it
Kibaruto 33
Hope has no power here.
sweetbliss3 37
i agree. it doesnt matter what gender a person is, no one has any right to put their hands on anyone, especially if you dont know them. and then hes going to get mad. his fault. what a creep.
lexa1love 16
I got the reference, it was a good one!
Crazyjohnb 23
Should have said. "no this is sexual harassment and I don't have to take it
Firedragoncody 7
You should have bitch slapped him.
fsomelife 26
That's right, trick him further!
Demig0d6 14
Butt fighting is wrong
Dave_Davington 34
Regular fighting, on the other hand, is perfectly okay.
Sandsh8rk 36
Two wrongs don't make a right.
muzy 23
#95: But three lefts do.
extrasnipes 22
four make it square
JJ_86 22
@ #95 But it makes it even.
the_Jessicaaa 11
Or atleast donkey kicked him...
WordAficionada 19
Uh, I hate idiots who do things like that. Hope the slap wasn't too hard OP!
ladyLALAA 29
I say good on OP, how many women does this happen to a day who wouldn't defend themself?
doodlecloud 27
I don't think OP actually defended himself....he just IS a guy.
Adam5858 17
That lad was lucky he could have been knocked out if it was someone else
WinterBlue42 22
Like a black belt / boxer? (Me :L)
junkman6 22
Yeah..... I have a few friends female and male that would have dropped him on the spot for that. The females might have castrated him on top of it.
telli164 30
#48 Now, now superman. Steady on.
WinterBlue42 22
Pfft, who needs Super Man when you've shook hands with Chuck Norris?
slimblack 26
At least you have a nice butt!
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah I suffer from that disorder known as chick butt apparently from what people tell me. I don't know how good that is though.
EdenCrystal 21
You should never tell someone to take harassment as a compliment.
slimblack 26
I was just trying to make better of the situation. I have had that happen to me before.
HanBroman 20
But it often is a compliment. if a douchebag is trying to get with me and keeps touching me or whatever I hate him with every inch of my soul and do whatever i can to get him to leave me alone, however I'm aware it's because he thinks I'm attractive and of course it's flattering. I don't think an ass slap is really a compliment though, it's more of a guys way to "put her in her place" and they tend to pick chick's who they think would be easy.
TheMathMajor 26
What the heck? No, harassing someone isn't a complement, it's harassment.
gracehi 33
Should have punched him in the face. Maybe he'll think twice next time he wants to violate someone who (he thinks) can't defend herself.
Crossing 17
or in OP's case himself.
poostickles 14
Themselves*. No one deserves to be in that situation, male or female
limabeans101029 21
Yes, but in the guy's mind it was "herself", since he thought OP was a girl.
gracehi 33
Exactly, 128. And he likely treats women with disrespect because he thinks a woman wouldn't be able to beat him up.
girlbye23 15
Should have looked at him, smiled and said "call me". Teaches him to keep his hands to himself to avoid this kind of stuff.
The_Paladin 16
haha! I wish I could give this comment 2 thumbs up!
quinn1184 25
don't we all
starcaller17 16
Should have also walked up and kissed him on the cheek
tesslaar 17
Hmm #7 but that may have resulted in the op being assaulted further :/
Fireworld2576 9
You should said let's hang out sometime like a popular girl.
WCARlover 35
Why do some guys think that's okay? One time a guy I knew slapped mine and you best believe he never did it again
MidnaLink 35
How badly did you **** him up?
91hayek 31
She slapped his ass back. With his own severed limbs.
Respect101 17
#34, your profile picture just discribes the guys reaction as all of it unfolds! Lol
paintballwarrior 20
I can understand if a guy slaps his girlfriend's ass as a joke
horneyhic 15
I've slapped a friend of mine's ass... But she never felt any issue punching me so I figure it's fair
SkittlesGoRawr 19
Haha girl butt! I'm sorry OP. At least you have a nice behind.
Krissey_DJ 16
Blaming you for his own mistake Typical american Wait.. I'm american too... Gosh OP, what's the matter with you? How dare you Look like a girl! Geez.. No consideration for that poor man who just wanted to slap a girls ass..
91hayek 31
Since you brought in the American hyperbole, I'm going to run with it and suggest that OP should be careful as his misrepresenting ass was too fine and the pig may sue him for that. Causing undue stress and making him be gay.
Crossing 17
I love assumptions.
rhjg99 2
Hahah darn "Americans" love it! See we are not all bad, we can make fun of ourselves!