Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
Today, I tried to jump through the closing train doors to make it in on time. I missed. FML
Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML
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Top comments
sporty1200xlr 6
You would be a fun friend to mess with.
olpally 33
That toester just trolled you... Lol. Toester-1 you-0
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Comments (120)
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
Bad boy! Bad boy! You don't simply train yourself you need together a dog
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
I meant to get a dog* stupid autocorrect
Naomimi_fml 6
He needs to get a dog... which he'll train to get the toast?
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
Like the dog trains the human to not jump
buck33 14
1 - Even when it says "get a dog" I still don't see where you were going with that comment.
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
Like human trains dogs so in this case the dog trains the human
laden_swallow09 35
Don't bother trying to explain it. It'll never make sense to the rest of us.
SuperKnuckels 6
1- i got an idea :D *SrsFace* Get Out.
EnterSandman_fml 20
Not to mention that OP isn't a boy at all, so saying 'bad boy' just isn't right.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
I honestly don't understand the toaster jump scares... I don't get startled?
Judahsh 8
Thzaar lives in soviet russia
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
Oh god why
7lovepink 3
Lol why are you standing by your toaster so much
Trisha_aus 15
Yeah Op, is this what you do for fun?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"My hobbies include long walks on the beach, and standing next to toasters."
onlychildFTW 34
My toaster is super fancy. Has motors and when the toast is done it beeps and then raises by power motors. Pretty fancy stuff!
sporty1200xlr 6
You would be a fun friend to mess with.
capper44 18
U didn't just do that op! U deserve it for jumping on the pop out :p
zachherbert 10
I jump 99% of the time.
Trisha_aus 15
Oh, but she did.
briancallahan 3
Haha anxiety attacks?
RaggleFrock 13
People today are scared of everything. One person jumps once over a toaster pop up and it's spread like wildfire. It's toast, expect it to pop the **** up in 2 minutes, if you can't count or put a radio on buy a dualit toaster because they don't pop up they have a count down timer and you pop it yourself.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
OH GOD, THIS COMMENT SCARES ME.
AClassActx3 7
I don't think anxiety attacks deserve a haha. *rude stare*
Trisha_aus 15
Why would you do that in the first place? There are other fun things to do
connerwonner 7
Op didn't say she was doing this for fun.
Inheritance 10
This FML reminds me of that game Pops
olpally 33
That toester just trolled you... Lol. Toester-1 you-0
EricCEric 2
I see what you did there!!! :P
NanillaVipples 2
I almost corrected your spelling... almost
olpally 33
I didn't think fat bastard knew how to spell. Lol, good job not correcting me. :D
TurtleDinosaur 2
Trollster.
Luunatic 13
Love these replies :)
Sliver1991 26
Dammit! You fooled me as well.
SkoomaKi 28
It's hopeless OP, we've all tried and all failed :'(
capper44 18
Unmm not we all lol i never jumped :)
Enslaved 38
I always jump with excitement that I have fresh hot toast to put my grape jelly on!!!(:
kamikrazy 6
Glad I'm not the only one.
HerroMaylaHerro 6
Get a toaster oven :P it beeps instead
shireman97 6
You need a job or something to do in your spare time besides this!