Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
Today, I tried to jump through the closing train doors to make it in on time. I missed. FML
Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML
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Top comments
sporty1200xlr 6
You would be a fun friend to mess with.
olpally 33
That toester just trolled you... Lol. Toester-1 you-0
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Comments (120)
SammySixx98 2
Toast-ready-phobia??? I have it too.....
redtigerlily 5
I too have attempted this feat.
dustbunny416 0
At least you didn't react violently and jab a fork in the toaster. You would have got a brand new shock out of life.
perdix 31
OK, you have 4 years to train for Rio. In the 2016 Olympics, Toaster Non-Flinching will be making its debut as an exhibition sport. Go for the Gold, or Golden-Brown, as the case may be.
slurshies 11
all the cool kids are playing badketball nowadays
SimplyEerb 3
An extreme case of the flinches.
alissa222 15
I think a toaster oven would be a good investment for you.
mduffy08 8
Or it catches on fire, burning down your house and killing your family.
SirEskimo 13
It's a game you play by showing off how much of an uber badass bad boy you are
Luunatic 13
I'm over that now. I used to jump. Lol