Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML
Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML
Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML
Today, our stove broke. Now, we have to cook using a toaster oven. FML
Today, after waking up to a spilled bottle of juice on my clothes, I heard my ex died. Whilst baking cookies to distract myself, I melted my work laptop on the toaster. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jinxthejinx 0
Looks like you relied heavily on your thesaurus to write this FML. Unless you usually speak using awkward, slightly out-of-context high school vocabulary words.
The_grumpy_bear 0
I guess for next time you will clean out your toaster more often.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (90)
hoodsie 0
That sucks bro. :(
tulsafml 0
Your mom!
maa_rico 4
But then again your mom does too.
vgameson 0
I hope OP didn't die. jk
hobojo11 0
thats what he gets for shuving bread in the toaster the brave little thing went outnin a band and took your cheep ass freniture with it
The_grumpy_bear 0
I guess for next time you will clean out your toaster more often.
bigmarkie2 3
^Agreed, cleaning fail. All you really gotta do is flip it over and shake it out once in a while.
tpreston 0
haha. wait caught light?
SilenceIsSilver 0
Ikr!? Love the way this fml is worded:p
tulsafml 0
YDI for burning a perfect toaster strudel!
Agiggleaday 0
Hope your not blaming the toaster for it, OP
122409 0
that is one dirty iPod.
stormer461 13
YDI for writing like a retard.
dusty209 0
why the **** is there a warm appliance on a wood bench. that will bring the whole house down if it catches "light"!!
BlackOpsPWNR 0
lolz, the OPs name(not really) is thebravelittletoaster
ericownz101 0
lol the estranged crumbs? why do i get the feeling these crumbs should be in a straight jacket..
swagchamp 0
hahahhahahaahaha 25. WIN
deliciouscake 3
keep a fire extinguisher in your kitchen like many smart people
abes22 0
estranged crumbs.. use a dictionary next time.
memo619 0
ouch, this is another reason why I don't cook I'm afraid that imma burn the house down
fthku 13
Using a toaster is cooking?
ipwnlosers 4
16- Reference win!!! :D
Agiggleaday 0
16, pretty eyes :)
69_jackson_69 0
Hmm... Toaster Strudel.
Zebidee 9
Why is everyone saying 'toaster strudel'? Don't you people ever use a toaster for - I don't know - making toast?
dirtyblond 4
or waffles!(>'-')>#
SnailFist 5
Or toaster strudels...
lilduke22 0
hell yA
bigmarkie2 3
My apologies...I don't know why, but it double commented for some reason, this was suppose to be a response to the first comment xD
ugliness 6
I've never cleaned my toaster o.O
wisericky 12
get Docbastard to make you a new bench, he likes to work with wood. hehe
dirtyblond 4
hehehehe
giantsfan2010 23
Well, what did you think was gonna happen?
jawman 0
lol
misstamz 0
Hey it could've been worse you know.
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
true and cute kitty! (;
MyMuse7 0
shake it like a Polaroid picture