Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
Today, I tried to jump through the closing train doors to make it in on time. I missed. FML
Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML
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Top comments
sporty1200xlr 6
You would be a fun friend to mess with.
olpally 33
That toester just trolled you... Lol. Toester-1 you-0
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Comments (120)
COOL__Coal 12
21 you should probably come inside and learn how to spell.
42istheanswer 27
28- or cold toast
lemonzest13 2
Ate your toes ok??
flipfloperson 5
I hope OP didn't eat her toes!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I read a R.L. Stine book that involved a monster eating your toes if you hang your legs out of a kiddie pool.
dustbunny416 0
No, I had a waffle. But thanks for asking!
b0ngs 7
woah calm down there captian cannibal ;)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What is this 'badketball' you speak of?
tswizz 13
OP, you have way too much time on your hands!
kodinbug 2
If this is what you do with your time maybe fine more important things to do like.. A job or a life.
Bluefrog9636 7
*cringes at the thought.* Sorry OP!
fymother 13
Do you have a particularly violent toaster? ;)
mtrrace 4
Those toasters can be pretty frightening
RochelleRedvines 8
One does not simply stay calm when the toaster pops.