Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML
Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
Today, I tried to jump through the closing train doors to make it in on time. I missed. FML
Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML
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Top comments
sporty1200xlr 6
You would be a fun friend to mess with.
olpally 33
That toester just trolled you... Lol. Toester-1 you-0
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Comments (120)
Nnycr 4
Maybe you are the luckiest op in the world and your toaster is The Brave Little Toaster! What I am saying is your toaster tried to leap into yout arms.... Joke failed
ninjadinos 14
You know your joke is a failure when you have to explain it before anyone replies.. Haha.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
This is why I don't make toast anymore. Every time it goes off, I spazz out and hit something.
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
You should try going outside and playing badketball
Whackamole 1
I've tried to do this too. Waiting for your toast to pop up can get lame.
Kiki242 19
Does it really matter If you jump or not?
MisterFML123 1
You were to nervous waiting for it that your freaked out when it popped. Just chill!
br0ccoli 15
If you're that easily mentally programmed by objects, who knows what other mindless things you do that people have taught you. There is still hope. You can de-program!
Michael_92 20
@21 What exactly is that going to do?
Spiral_Thoughts 19
sob sob sob . . . I'm not the only who does this . . . I'm not the only one . . . *tears of relief*
englishdweller 3
Points for trying!