Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML
He's a keeper
Today, my mom announced that she's getting back together with my stepdad, who just got out of prison. He was in prison because he beat her, choked her, and caused her to have a miscarriage. FML
Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
I did warn you…
Today, my mom came to me, hysterically crying that her boyfriend had hit and choked her. I’d feel bad for her except he’s my ex who also beat me, yet when I turned to my mother for help she decided to take him in instead and get pregnant with his kid. What goes around comes around bitch! FML
Fun for all the family
Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Top comments
FUUUandyourmom 16
I'd love to know what provoked that.
cjcstuart 7
Idk who to feel sorry for. You, your mom, or your dad:/
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (153)
FUUUandyourmom 16
I'd love to know what provoked that.
SkoomaKi 28
As long as the fight was in the kitchen it's okay.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Did anybody else bust out laughing after reading that fml? It's always nice to hear some women don't take shit from men.
StoryOfTheYear 15
17- Looking at how men are generally built in comparison to how women are generally built I'd say it's far more likely to be abuse if the husband beats the shit out of a wife. If the wife beats the shit out of the husband I must admit its a little more laughable.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
17-valid point but which do you hear more of men abusing women, or women abusing men? I just think abuse in general is horrible, but men also verbally abuse women more not just physically. Such as the line "get in the kitchen and go make me a sandwich" if you cared enough to ask your girlfriend or female friend how she feels hearing that, she will most likely tell you she "hates that men are sexist and it's degrading to hear that."
RacistPancake 6
22 - That's true that we verbally abuse them, but they mentally abuse us. They use ******* psychological warfare. How is that just?
StoryOfTheYear 15
24- Ha, Jesus, calm down, never once did I say that it's completely ok for someone to beat the shit out of someone for no reason. That's why she went to jail, duh. I was supplying the reason as to why 14 found it humorous in the first place. If you found it in no way humorous yourself I highly suggest you smile and laugh at things that cannot be changed, and join a club against ***** being beat out of spouses if you want to make a difference. There are sure to be many and I'd fully support such a group, but don't come on here with your preachy shit. I'm here for a laugh, and I assume the majority of people on FML are on here to do the same.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Let's just agree abuse is bad. I wasn't saying only men abuse women but we generally are more brutal.
GovernorGeneral 8
^Bitchfight. Fuuck i feel like im everywhere. Prolly cause i havnt slept a bit last nght and its now 9am.
Cad6 24
WOMAN POWAAA!
austineddy13 0
Stupid isn't it
Bobissmall 13
Why is #14 still getting thumbs up! How on earth is it funny to hear a woman beating up a man... obviously this just goes to show how little society is educated in these matters. Some studies show that due to men being less likely to come forward about being victims of domestic abuse, it's actually more likely to actually be just as likely a male victim as a woman. You cannot just assume the man deserved it. TL;DR: Quit victim blaming.
brad4presedent 2
Equal rights haha my ass
zack11742 7
24 is exactly right and seriously women abuse us mentally from the beginning of the relationship on god I hate double standards
ss_20_xx 14
We really need more men like #49.
PedroRValentin 3
Word
analisemarie 12
After all this bullcrap of people arguing on here, #12 made me laugh. Whys he so thumbed down. It's ****** hilarious.
lifesuxrealbad 10
You know that if it was the dad beating the shit put of the mom, everyone would be calling abuse. I hate double standards.
litingphires 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Man, I wish a woman would beat the shit out of me. God, the thought makes me so hot.
GovernorGeneral 8
I know that feeling.... The one where you strive to be first so you put a stupid comment like that because you couldnt think fast enough.
ladyLALAA 29
33, do people really care that much? It's not like they know anyone here?
Zomg_Okay 27
Sadly, 63, people do care that much. They think that being one of the very first to comment makes them popular. I'm not sure if it's funny or sad to watch.
CryMoreFMLs 15
71 - It's funny to see them fail, but sad when you realize they sincerely tried for first. So it's both.
anythingmustbe 18
only in soviet russia the woman beats the man your parents are russian am i right?
DrDilllonReese 12
In Soviet Russia, ass kicks you
Bobissmall 13
I don't think the soviet joke works like you think it does...
vidwa 0
you obviously haven't seen the video of one man single handedly beating the russian out of at least ten woman in a russian restaurant.
TheDrudgeChild 4
Idiot, there are PLENTY of abusive relationships where the woman beats the man. The media likes to portray otherwise, but you can't be THAT ignorant to the truth.
LoveMay 10
3 - Don't be racist or anything.
ilovedinosawers 17
Lame
cjcstuart 7
Idk who to feel sorry for. You, your mom, or your dad:/
Krirn 21
Its okay to feel for all of them.
GovernorGeneral 8
No you cant. Theres a law that says you can only feel for one.
Krirn 21
Well if that's the case... flip a coin?
GovernorGeneral 8
Fine. i call on its side for the mother.
Krirn 21
Tails for the dad cause he's the one with his ass beat.
chris36taylor 2
That was good lol
GovernorGeneral 8
Lol sorry i meant on its edge..side would be either heads or tails x)
GovernorGeneral 8
Nearly impossible to get this but it still is possible...from the simpsons anyways. I say this side cause i dont want anyone to feel anything for the mom cause she deserves it for what she did o.o
Krirn 21
I kinda figured that's what you were aiming for when you suggested side/edge, which I'll admit was possibly one of the best responses possible. To be honest I was expecting someone to bash on me since a coin only has 2 likely outcomes.
addiizcherry 0
He could've abused her and she finally stood up.
Krirn 21
I think OP would've bothered to add that significant detail.
notsorandomguy 18
And the police probably are sexist ***** so they threw the OP's mom in jail because she stood up for herself (sarcasm. If anyone bashes me, I'll burn you so hard you won't ever be able to eat cooked food anymore)
TheGewt 7
I feel bad for the shit that got beat out of its home.
pranay1201 13
Or the OP
Sarah_moustache 9
I guess he told her to get back in the kitchen
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Yeah I think the "get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich" shit is getting old. Men quit acting like assholes or women will beat the shit out of you. This was a warning.
GovernorGeneral 8
This was not just a warning. This was a signal. A signal for the beginning of a new end.
chris36taylor 2
******* hate sexist people, makes me want to punch them in the face
JoeLouisBomber 9
52. Take your pictures advice
Danny0522 8
67- don't take yours. Please.
The_Hitdude 12
I swear every time I see 67's profile pic I burst out laughing...and then die a little inside.
ohmandapants 17
#16, #5 was making a joke. Calm the **** down. You honestly think she beat up her husband for saying that? She could have, but honestly she was probably abusing him for awhile and lost control. By the sounds of your comment you are a sexist idiot. Are you saying that if a woman is a bitch, she deserves to get beaten? No and neither did he. You have no proof he was an asshole anyway.
vidwa 0
i hope you're in the kitchen commenting from the smart stove
maribella1992 0
The kitchen joke is getting old.
pimpnainteasy 5
Well let's start the garden joke :-ap okay I'm kidding, but there are a lot of men who abuse families as well as women, women can do it in a whole mother context due to the simplicity of a males brain we just simply get caught for abuse because the woman is too scared to step up. As for me I would never lay my hand on a female unless out of love. I've slapped asses and I've left bruises during sex but trust me she does the same and I do not complain. Tyvm :-)
FinnishAmerican 3
I think it's funny that it was a girl that made the comment and everyone is getting all butt hurt
JustDerpin 11
Stop getting all mad. That was a good comment.
BenderJ_fml 5
It's "sammich", not "sandwich". Now get back to the kitchen!
wallygolf 3
Nothing says I love you more than a good ole fashion ass kickin.
rememberPOGS 2
St. Patrick's Day brings the best out of everyone right!?
GovernorGeneral 8
Wrong. Christmas does. Brings out everyones inner greed.
yahoowizard 16
Such a lose lose lose situation :(. Well, I hope it gets better OP
soccerdude79 0
You have a loose loose pussy :)
SolarGirl32 6
The ****? Every time I think I've seen the most moronic comment possible someone proves me wrong. Even if you're trolling that was just idiotic.
jDCrackpot 7
FYL for your mum being in jail, but she deserves it. If your dad did it to your mum everyone would think he was a total scumbag, it shouldn't be any different for violence against men by women.
scarlettblondii 7
^ this
chris36taylor 2
I've heard of wifebeaters, but husband beaters? what kind of shirt would you wear for that? This world doesn't make sense anymore... I give up. :/
ifailsobadly 18
Well that's a very sexist comment. Of course there are husband-beaters. Just most women think they're gender is completely perfect and all men are assholes. They're not.
DocBastard 40
Ifailsobadly - your username is oddly accurate. Most women feel that way? Have you conducted a poll in the matter? Please post your research here and enlighten us. Wait, you mean you were just being a generalising twit?
chris36taylor 2
Thanks doc, you're very helpful in a non-suck-up way.
Luckyman22 5
Men are actually abused a lot in today's society both physically and verbally but most are to ashamed to go to the authorities.
EffYoLife 14
Lmao@what kind of shirt...hilarious