Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML
Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML
Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML
Today, my new roommate sent me a picture of our toothbrushes bristles touching with the caption "Look! I made them kiss!" FML
Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
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Top comments
Orion1434 5
Something here seems fishy...
GoW_Chick 15
Wait, hold on a minute! Your roomates goldfish lived for six months? I can't get those damned things to survive a week.
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Comments (75)
sailoroftheseas 7
Dang
blackheart24 10
Really 1? That's the best you could come up with?
sailoroftheseas 7
Yep, noting that I have many needles in my head at the moment.
boydeee01 7
This reminds me of the FML where this guy's wife cleans his toilet skidmarks with his toothbrush.
Orion1434 5
Something here seems fishy...
ankoku 2
That joke was gold!
daner10 5
At least you didn't say gold fish.
GoW_Chick 15
Well shit I was sure you had some 2's, you know because the card game go fish, yeah so I'll just go back to my "I'm an idiot" box... Heh.
Pinkfl0yd 9
Ain't that the tooth
Cad6 24
#5 that made no sense whatsoever.
Ingredients 7
******
DocBastard 40
She also used your curling iron to groom her pubic hair.
GoW_Chick 15
Ew... How much damn pubic hair would they have to have to do that? I'm grossed out and curious, damn it!
MigraineurOfLife 15
I thought you were gonna say they used the curling iron for more internal reasons of, ahem, pleasure... This is where you remember always reading those warning labels of 'not meant for internal use' & now you know why.
LightningCactus 12
Dammit that would kill if it burned you.
LMA0 5
The Doc has a comment that is thumbed down? I have never seen such ridiculousness!
DocBastard 40
Meh, it happens, mostly when I stray into matters of perversions (aka "Perdixland). Can't win 'em all. :)
LMA0 5
Hahaha owned.
HeartOfLead 24
Aww, I thought grooming one's pubic hair like a hedge or so was "in" these days. Guess I was misinformed.
lolfood 24
I thumbed you up, just because you are Doc.
PaigeyTaylor 2
Um, ew wtf? O.e
leogirl95 12
Hey, you never noticed, did you?
zoPwNAgEzo 21
Obviously not.
thisiscat 14
Im pretty sure it's a rhetorical question..
GoW_Chick 15
Wait, hold on a minute! Your roomates goldfish lived for six months? I can't get those damned things to survive a week.
starxshine 0
My brother had one that lived for 12 years. It was strange.
random_ribbons 15
My grandma had one that that we got from a carnival that lived for just over five years. It used to move the rocks and decorations around in it's fish-tank too, so she named him Mighty-Joe. When he died, I cried and we had a funeral and buried him, putting bricks on top and laying freshly picked dandelions on that. I have no clue how he lived that long, I think he was a super-fish or something.
kooochris1995 14
11- Maybe if you took care of them, they wouldn't die.
misanthropy666 6
They can live up to 20 years or more if they're looked after properly.
FMLshark 12
I have a goldfish I got in my biology class freshman year of high school. Senior year, it's still alive and well. If they don't live over a week...you're doing something wrong.
MDTeddy 13
1 week? Are you making that up? it isn't hard to take care of a fish. just feed it once or twice every day and clean the bowl once in a while.
xxdark 3
Goldfish are pretty hardy.. One of mine - a white one - lived for around four years, maybe five! If you're really dedicated, they can live longer. You just have to be responsible. That fish that lived for 12 years.. THAT'S AMAZING!!
RussianFox 13
17- That was a beautiful story.
girl112891 7
Feeding helps. I've had two fishes in the past that died within the first week. I had one given to be about 6 months ago that's still alive now. Learned what I did wrong. Though mine were never gold fish. It's smaller and has pretty fins. 17, your grandmas fish sounds cool! A fish that decorates his bowl? I love it!
b0ngs 7
Nastyy. She couldve just bought an actual fish tank scrubber.
21jason 9
It just adds extra protein you'll be fine
Cleo_Nemo_ 9
People amaze me.. That is disgusting.
micahsmommy 13
Mmm fish and mint. Your breath must have been fabulous for those 6 months.
bmwguy01 8
I know I've had goldfish and you can smell them. Surely Op could smell or taste it!
xaviiboo 9
39- how would you know what a goldfish tastes like??
xxdark 3
It would have been scrubbing the algae from the sides and bottom of the bowl.. I suppose she should have tasted something odd or felt the sliminess?
bmwguy01 8
Exactly what I meant, not necessarily that I know what one taste like but that there would be a odd taste and or smell to the tooth brush!