Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally...

By level6 - 23/10/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

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Work

Rock, hard place

Extreme late fees

Clocked

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 13:18 - Sweden

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

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By CosmicJoke - 12/8/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML

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By LittleRed79 - 3/11/2016 04:49 - Canada

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 01:05 - United States

Today, I mailed out a college application that is going to another country. I paid $250 for the application and $11 for shipping. I just realized that I forgot to sign the bottom of the application. FML

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By katie - 23/8/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

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By anonymous - 5/4/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

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By guess I'm stuck - 16/4/2013 07:23 - United States - Alamo

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

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By Urinal Fresh - 2/3/2012 10:19 - Australia

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

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By dillon - 1/7/2014 04:12 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I watched a Youtube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

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By random1456 - 13/6/2019 18:00

Today, my credit card got declined while I was buying anti-depressants. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

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By Breath of fresh air - 3/8/2020 17:01

Wear your masks

Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

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By zzdug - 8/2/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

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By Numbass123 - 4/5/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2010 12:01 - United States

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

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By frenchy - 24/3/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

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By Cassidy - 8/10/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my crush didn't make up a fake girlfriend to get me jealous; he made her up as a way to tell me to back off. FML

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By Username - 23/3/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

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By lamortdeshommes - 28/6/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

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By sad - 5/11/2012 07:02 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

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By Tootie - 30/7/2011 06:58 - United States

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

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By evenpoorer - 16/3/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8 hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I am now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

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By luni - 26/6/2011 21:17 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

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By gmd05 - 31/7/2012 14:28 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 07:31 - Canada

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

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By heartless - 15/5/2009 06:14 - Canada

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 21:33 - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

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By my first job - 6/4/2016 20:02 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2014 15:52 - United States - Red Oak

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

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By lizzie - 25/5/2013 06:55 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

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By dangeronpa - 14/6/2019 02:32

Today, I broke my glasses. My eyesight is horrible, I can’t see things that aren’t super close to my face. I'm supposed to drive to another state tomorrow. FML

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By bleachingmykidsbrains - 1/7/2015 23:38 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

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By _sourdiesel7 - 10/11/2016 23:39 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

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By Knittedbirch - 14/11/2016 02:36

Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML

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By "schober60" - 15/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I frantically finished a paper that I needed to complete before midnight about the competencies of my pharmacy school. When it came time to submit, I accidentally selected the file below my paper, which was my personal log of beer reviews and personal favorites. FML

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Top comments

By Mirorbo | 26

#1592547 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:23

Job rejection is getting colder and colder these days.

By DocBastard | 38

#1592476 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:52

"You've got mail! I said you've got mail!

HEY IDIOT, YOU'VE GOT MAIL!! MORON!

Oh, forget it."

COMMENTS

By Freeze_fml | 16

#1592364 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:28

Should have checked the mail.

77taylah33 | 0

#1592382 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:31

he was checking it constantly!

Defenestrations | 2

#1592393 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:32

lol that job's probably not worth it if the employers are so irresponsible...

scarletscribblez | 0

#1592400 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:33

Haha I'm not sure if this is what ya meant to do but did ya mean to replace "had a V8" with the "Checked your email"? If so, in that case I see what ya did there :D If not, I'll just--Stop talking -.-..

Freeze_fml | 16

#1592426 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:38

Yup.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1592432 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:40

Rabble rabble rabble!

scarletscribblez | 0

#1592528 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:19

Right, haha :D I knew it :P *Feelin' smart*

:D

KingDingALing | 9

#1593026 - Sunday 24 October 2010 5:24

Snooki want smush smush!

chuk_norris_fml | 0

#1593512 - Sunday 24 October 2010 7:45

It would be funny if the job position was technology consultant or something....

LisaBanana | 0

#1593710 - Sunday 24 October 2010 8:59

you got bamboozled, poor baby:(

By roastedalmond | 0

#1592397 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:33

It was an indirect 'no'.

Poepiepiesie | 3

#1592418 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:37

Yet it was thinly disguised.

By bravesfan112233 | 0

#1592407 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:34

i liek big watarmelonz coz dey haz moar cushon for pushin

bravesfan112233 | 0

#1592508 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:11

I didn't write this. I wrote I can't read

KaySL | 24

#1592539 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:22

Heh, what a load of shit. Why the hell would you post either one of those comments anyway? Stop trolling, you god-damn noobcake.

EvilDoll | 7

#1592563 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:29

noobcake? sounds delicious...

KaySL | 24

#1592571 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:30

Yeah, though it tastes like retard :(

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1593195 - Sunday 24 October 2010 6:17

KaySL he's probably not lying, it's happened to me...

Primus_fml | 0

#1593663 - Sunday 24 October 2010 8:30

I don't know if this makes me automatically unintelligent, but 6 made me laugh.

By zp5 | 4

#1592434 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:40

they made the email so it would show up 8 hours after the test was going to be?
cool.

By FTWisRIGHT | 0

#1592462 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:46

You weren't checking enough.

By DocBastard | 38

#1592476 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:52

"You've got mail! I said you've got mail!

HEY IDIOT, YOU'VE GOT MAIL!! MORON!

Oh, forget it."

zp5 | 4

#1592482 - Sunday 24 October 2010 2:55

lol GOD DAMMIT THE TIME YOU DONT CHECK YOUR MAIL...ju...just nevermind.

By biskitbukit | 7

#1592530 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:20

Lol, silly :)

chewbacca69 | 0

#1592904 - Sunday 24 October 2010 4:50

how u doin

lalagirl912 | 0

#1593603 - Sunday 24 October 2010 8:05

"you" have tiny boobs!!!!!
I mean really! I can barely see them... o.O

Antoineito | 0

#1594182 - Sunday 24 October 2010 11:07

Look at those BIG hands she has! lol

Antoineito | 0

#1594185 - Sunday 24 October 2010 11:08

And look at those BIG muscles! lol

francisw93 | 3

#1611525 - Wednesday 27 October 2010 17:34

back problems!

By Mirorbo | 26

#1592547 - Sunday 24 October 2010 3:23

Job rejection is getting colder and colder these days.

By MrVain21 | 0

#1592782 - Sunday 24 October 2010 4:23

that's what smartphones are for bud, u KNEW that u had a pending job application status...u ALWAYS remain on standby and check your contact methods to make sure u don't miss that opportunity...

ChibiChibi_fml | 27

#1593420 - Sunday 24 October 2010 7:20

Perhaps they can't afford a smart phone, I know I sure as hell can't. Those things are darned expensive especially if you are unemployed or in a low paying job. The OP was probably doing everything they could short of staring at the computer 24/7 just waiting to see if an e-mail shows up.