Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family are really into rugby so I tried out for a local team. It didn't go well, and afterwards I couldn’t find my dad anywhere. It turns out he was so embarrassed by my sheer incompetence, he got in his car and drove away. I had to walk 9 miles home, which isn’t easy in rugby boots. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML
Today, I accidentally tackled my own teammate during a rugby match, so our coach made me walk the 5 miles back home instead of driving me home with the rest of the team. FML
Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML
Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML
Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML
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Top comments
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Grown men buttfucking each other. Sounds intresting.
TheEpicMilkMan 13
dude that's not soccer (or football) your describing thats gay **** :o
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Comments (102)
thisiscat 14
That's what you get for waking up.... On a soccer field?
thisiscat 14
Reference to the song "waking up in Vegas"
ariannaimelda 7
I think you need to appreciate time with your family OP. There are worse things than spending time with family like, oh I don't know, losing your job or going hungry? Be a little more grateful.
DeviousAngel 13
OP, don't be whiney. If family activities are rare, you should shut up and try to enjoy them. You never know when you won't be able to see your family. Soccer is boring to watch, however. Nonetheless, suck it up. Enjoy watching the buttf*cking with your family.
MizzErikaHart 8
19, yes there will b buttsecks
juicystar777 4
omg! your family is horrible. pack your tote bag with clothes and put on your juicy couture sweatpants because you're gonna be running. you could have gotten raped or kidnapped on the field. what is wrong with them? :| why don't they love you?
Awsumuzzie 12
Can't tell if 34 is actually serious... Or if she needs to brush up on her sarcasm.
iLOLatURpain69 7
Agh I don't understand how people find soccer boring. I LOVE watching soccer.
KeyboardWarrior 10
And overreaction of the day award goes to comment 34!!!!
sycosyd_97 1
#19 that's rude. You shouldn't throw that in other people's face like that. I agree there is worse things but that is really messed up that they would just leave her.
RoseTintMyWorld 8
No 57, I think you win that one for over use of exclamation points.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
19- I'm gonna thumb you up just for your hilarious picture
JoshTheMaggot 8
This is my opinion but I think most sports are a lot more fun to actually play then watch. Soccer is a fun sport but I personally do not enjoy watching it.
Frexual 0
34 amuses me.
eb0ny 15
Why does #1 have so many thumbs down? I mean sure it was a bit lame, but wow.
thisiscat 14
Everyone has a bad day.
linkinpark98 24
Well at least you'll get some exercise on the way back! :D
noshatsherlockk 15
"Suck it up, buttercup" was a commonly used phrase in my family. And hey, I turned out just fine.. *twitch*
ChucktheNorris 0
Soccer's actually pretty fun to play; just not to watch.
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Grown men buttfucking each other. Sounds intresting.
nofearjenshere 12
I bet someone got turned on by reading this FML.
j_cat187 20
Is that someone you?
sycosyd_97 1
Ha:D
noshatsherlockk 15
Interesting. Because if there were a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking in front of me, the last thing I would feel comfortable doing is falling asleep.. O.o
imepelepticsir 5
this turned me on, no lie.
ygdrassil 17
Grown men buttfucking each other isn't soccer. That's football.
ValerieStar 5
135 THANK YOU. Soccer is manly. ;) Another buttf*cking sport is wrestling. -.-
H3llsOv3rs33r 2
135 and 145 you believe 100 lb men prancing around a field is the manliest sport. Football takes actual strength and just so you know Hockey is basically men on skates bashing teeth out of others
Swiftly 0
145- Soccer is in no way a manly sport, and will never be. Lol even wrestling is more manly than that.
fancyclown 9
Oh, are we all bashing sports now? Last year there was a Brazillian soccer player who fell face-first into a goalpost, and continued playing with a broken and bloody nose. If that isn't manly, I don't know what is.
Swiftly 0
The person who broke his nose is a man for sticking it in there and finishing the game, but a no contact sport where grown men chase around a ball around the field is not really manly. But your idea of manly may be different than mine, so yeah...
i_hate_cats 3
Wow. Redneck
bbozic2 6
Typical American thinking football is the manliest sport. Rugby is way worse. And you wouldn't have near enough strength to play soccer so shut up.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Rugby... Now that's a rough sport. Foot ball- without the padding and protective gear. Way more macho then football or soccer :p
niznor99 6
Yo I'm American, and I straight up HATE football. It's lame as shit, and it's constant *stop**start**stop**start* in football. That's something you don't get with soccer. if you mess up, you get a yellow card or you get thrown. None of that sissy "penalty" bullshit. If you think soccer doesn't take muscles, then YOU try kicking a soccer ball as far as them AND have it be accurate as well. Maybe you should try juggling the ball while you're at it? Stupid redneck. P.s. $10 says your response isn't going to have any weight whatsoever.
easton222 2
You are not a real American then
niznor99 6
You sir, aren't a real American.....you facist you.
LianLover 0
Please, football is the easiest sport to play EVER!!! You take breaks every other minute and all you have to do is chase each other around the field trying to get a ball.
grovervac3000 15
Oh my god. Do you know anything about soccer? It's a total contact sport
grovervac3000 15
continuing my reply to #177- My coach had us do drills where two of us would run down the field, one with the ball, and we would have to PUSH with our bodies to get the ball. Also, people get injured/called from PUSHING, TRIPPING and more ALL THE TIME. Next time, do some research.
GAeroNKissR 26
your username makes this even funnier
rosha267 21
I'm sorry but I just don't see how this is possible...those stands aren't usually very comfortable
leticiax3 0
theres no way your parents would leave you there? wtf ; deff a made up fml
Jiplo 18
All I can think of to say is WTF.
HeartOfLead 24
Agreed. By social standards, it takes a real man to willingly "buttfuck" another... Unless I've been lied to, I remain a proud member of that category!?!
ninjafury101 2
Just the term soccer 'balls' should have warned you.
Minecraftering 5
This type of comment was inevitable.
ninjafury101 2
I completely agree.
stevenJB 25
Awh it's both a ydi and FML for you. But in today's world walking a few miles can save your life.
docscientist 10
Or get yourself kidnapped, killed, and whatever happens between getting kidnapped and killed.
bizarre_ftw 22
Raped, tortured, your kidnapers unwilling therapist? The possibilities are endless really :)
DJ_YDI 4
What's the worst that could happen?
X_Codes 11
@51 - If you're so worried about being kidnapped and killed, then don't leave the house. Also, turn off your internet, because people can stalk you over social networking sites. Phone, too, since you can't have any hangups or random heavy breathers calling you. Also, close your blinds so nobody can see you, but keep the lights on so people don't think the house is empty. Do this 24/7. OH! Almost forgot. The government fluoridates the water to mind control you, so absolutely never, EVER drink water! They'll mind control you into going to the nearest CIA safehouse where you'll be kidnapped and killed.
TheLoneWandererX 2
Epic movie reference
harrypotter955 19
I would've never gone home.
Honestly_Lainey 21
Or showed up home DRUNK. "aye mom, dad. On my walk home I made a friend and we shared a big grape juicebox. Tasted funny, but let me tell yo- ahh" *barf* :)
robbydoherty 0
What's so bad about some exercise?
MizzErikaHart 8
5 miles is like a 2 hour walk tho
yahoowizard 16
Forced exercise is never fun
Blacksabbath211 9
5 miles is MAYBE an hour 15 minute walk
niznor99 6
Mr. Yahoo wizard, So does this mean that prostitutes who willingly want to be prostitutes don't like their job??
SaMmIMonster96 6
Hmm? Interesting, but still odd. Fyl