Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, our pregnancy announcement was ruined by my dad who thought it would be funny to grab my boyfriend while yelling, "You got my daughter pregnant, boy! I’m going to kill you!" It wasn’t funny, there was just an awkward silence, and now this precious moment is something I’d rather forget. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML
Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML
Today, my immature dad said that I'm a girl, not a woman, so my witty response was, ''I have a period, so I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML
Today, my boyfriend has never gotten along with my dad, but this afternoon during what I thought was a completely normal conversation, he just stood up, yelled he couldn’t take my dad anymore, punched him in the nose, dumped me, and drove away. FML
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Top comments
Entheatus 13
Your dad is a moron. FYL.
JockeyGirl 0
haha wtf
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Comments (384)
JockeyGirl 0
haha wtf
I_R_Genius 3
This is why I don't joke with my dad. Even though me and my fiancée just had a baby earlier this month.
jess6blondie9 3
Congratulations!(:
variable66 0
Thank you for your service.
YDI_Bro 0
Hulk Smash!!!
jahr4mkr 1
#33: "Hulk smash" just have to say that is the best comment ever.
ckyorelse 18
I'm the juggernaut bitch!
KiddNYC1O 22
LOL^ (raspy voice): YEAHHH!
ipod_addict 0
how did you get your boyfriend pregnant?
yougotapes 7
154 it was a joke -_-
BeastlyNinjer 0
^fail
lerouxmaster 7
^agreed.
OCDC 9
Let me enlighten you, 145. I bet you never knew women produced sperm too? Well when women's sperm is stronger than their man's sperm, it overpowers the man's sperm and pushes it back into the guy, thus impregnating him. Ask your health teacher about THAT.
FalconPaunch 0
generic sex Ed comment
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
generic captain obvious comment^^
lilweapon 0
generic lol comment
titopei 0
generic lt sarcasm comment
hahaLexinater 0
sounds kinda...fake
TheFlyingMan 8
Generic Comment Moderation
chickunkey 0
^^ actually I disagree.
lola_94 0
this whole convocation made me LMFAO
hockeyrocks39 0
#181 LMAO!!!!!
aardvarkish 17
convocation haha
jeslynh 0
LOL HAHAHA what's with all the hilarious typo errors :x
iluvmemicookies 0
181 is teaching me things!! Lol, for all those people who can't see that it's a joke, without a or jk, ITS A JOKE!!!
lesdodis 0
indeed^
briizii 0
you are an idiot
NoMoreRainbows 0
So was he mad?
dizzyizzy97 3
hahaha 181! I have learned a lot from you all. my biggest thanks(: lol
iateyourmuffin 0
haha we almost have the same pic :P
MissKelly8D 0
haha these comments are better than the post.:)
YDI_Bro 0
penis
Allie614032 34
I hope her dad is in anger management now...
lolomgwtgdairyqu 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
huuh is that possible?
crazysasha123 0
she said "joked":)
MrRuffyboots 0
Somebody needs to be a little bit smarter...
skyttlz 32
No, dip.
Meaningless 1
if her boyfriend was actually a woman, maybe. but then how to get the sperm..
comatoast 0
sounds like a question from the 40 year old virgin. "is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it??"
im2cool2fml 0
are YOU smarter than a 5th grader?
LexxyLiime 0
win ^
mrmerino 0
apparently not.
kellydiaz 0
that's the point.
notebook153 0
is the picture u?
ugotpwnednoob 0
that's the joke dumb shit
sophsoph97 8
Dumbass! *palm face*
giovamike0927 16
It was a joke
cheesecakex 5
He sounds fun.
F14Shado 0
yea, a real party animal.
sickbassist 0
wooooowwwww ur dads ****** retarded
Poffdaddy29 0
78, he probly has selective hearing. all he heard was boyfriend, then pregnant.
FailBear920 19
No it went Boyfriend Pregnant slap hoe breakshit
xxSoFlyxx 5
failbear ! your picture is the same as an old FMLer called fappy.... not sure if that's a coincidence...
croso88 5
haha that's really funny!!!!
kamikrazy 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Who jokes with their dad?
ChantelRenaeee 0
just because you aren't close to your dad, it doesn't mean other people are.
kingtz 6
Yeah, the dad sounds like a retard. Hopefully op didn't inherit any of his "intelligence"...
IamnumberFOUR 0
aww shucks, u sound like 1 dumb mussacra girl
darkmatter78 0
someone who wants their ass kicked and stuff broken. :-P
Entheatus 13
If closeness means getting slapped by my dad and having my laptop broken over a joke, I don't want to be close to my dad.
laxaddict4496 0
agreed
fsu69 0
45 u are one ****** up individuall
SassiestLemon 2
Scientific Lotion.
FarSide 23
At the end of daddy's little tirade, I would have been fatherless.
gozar_fml 1
I think you meant to say, "Your Dad is a violent moron."
Volcan_fml 22
I do all the time.
babbu18 0
great dad ya got there:)
Brooksyp88 0
39- Your comment makes no sense.
ravengirl1234 2
?
Entheatus 13
Your dad is a moron. FYL.
ChantelRenaeee 0
just because you aren't close to your dad, it doesn't mean other people aren't. lowlife bitch.
chester75 5
no need for harsh the language
A7X_LoVeee 10
Damn 45, calm down
jess6blondie9 3
I don't think you got the fact that 6 was probably joking. That doesn't make them a lowlife bitch at all. If anything that's what you are for calling others names for no legitimate reason.
DavLynn 4
wow 45, you're the lowlife bitch
lalallamas 0
just because your close to your dad doesnt mean some people are. besides, they were talking about the OP's dad, not yours or anybody else's.
KingDingALing 9
45- Just because you changed your name from "ChantelOwns" to "ChantelRenaeee" doesn't mean that we don't know who you are. If you're going to start a new account so that people will leave you alone, then actually change the WHOLE name. Not just part of it. Although, I'm assuming you couldn't because your IPod is "messed up", huh?
aussie_gemini 5
91 epic win!!!
A7X_LoVeee 10
I second 101.
unhappybitch 8
Wow you are beautiful ;)
heathersmorin 0
Whoa there, ChantelRenaee!!!! Did someone stick their tampon in the wrong orifice or what this morning?! Remove it and chill the **** out!!
hunterfreed31 0
I agree with 101
LexxyLiime 0
91
hellosir23 0
45- you're the one with the funny hat
browntiga 0
stop trollin everbody is different stop hatin on ppl that are different from you
IndianRapper 0
45 how is not being close to your dad make you a "low-life bitch"??? that doesn't even make sense...
d3ll001 0
I agree with 45
Bless23 0
ahh what a shame 45 you actually look cute to me...too bad your only pretty on the outside eh?
itman3456 0
45-wow that was a lil..idk but u have some deep Dwn issues, ur face is pretty f-d up to lol being totally serious tho get a make over some I mean Gawd
gummy_explosion 0
^ lol your comment 69
zoaks 0
people with dads.
keven501 12
#45 wtf were you reading because it was this fml
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
45- I bet your dad is even more moronic than the OP's
lbeer 1
that's why you never give anal to your bf
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
because he will get pregnant and you will die.
Blaze177 0
Then explode.
crazedguy 0
Ibeer's just saying that because he's forever alone
lerouxmaster 7
Then contract AIDS.
chadcat 1
Lololol 154.
NoMoreRainbows 0
Don't be silly, wrap your willy!
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
nomorerainbow your photo made that 1000X better!
marriiee_fml 0
your dad has got some anger issues..
A7X_LoVeee 10
For real. He shouldn't be slapping his daughter around like that.
bjkjr 2
God help you if you have kids...if I see you in the news, I'll automatically know who it is. especially with that pic.
LexxyLiime 0
If your child got pregnant wouldn't you be mad? I would. I'm assuming OP is probably like 18ish, so obviously he would be mad?
marriiee_fml 0
' slapped her. trew phone across the room. smashed laptop'. im sorry... what? if you think thats normal behaviour well.. then i have nothing to say o.o
LexxyLiime 0
Fix your grammar.
neddak 0
no smart one. she said SHE got her BOYFRIEND pregnant. boyfriend getting pregnant?
LexxyLiime 0
It was a mistake? I meant that, calm your ****. I'm not perfect, nobody is.
kornhead09 0
who said it was his daughter
LexxyLiime 0
Her dad probably thought it was the other way around (boyfriend getting girlfriend pregnant) At first.
IndianRapper 0
That sounds like something my dad would do:/
KMilliron 2
My dad used to hit me and smash my shit, but now just hits my siblings and smashes their shit cause they haven't learned how to just ignore dad when he starts trolling.
ImHisAngel 4
same here
IndianRapper 0
Haha well my dad doesn't really smash my stuff (cuz he's the one who pays for them) but he used to hit me a lot when i was little...well then again i was a pretty stupid child lol:)
A7X_LoVeee 10
97 - I dunno if that was a joke about being a stupid child but no one deserves to be hit.
KMilliron 2
My dad didn't hit me when I was younger cause he wasn't there. I'm thankful for his shit cause I don't think I'd be half the person I am if it weren't for always having to take care of myself.
kiran_fml 5
she probably meant spanked, which IMO is good if justified
YacL 15
I don't think any child deserves to be slapped, period. All your teaching your child is that slapping people will solve their problems.
KMilliron 2
I find that when I'm working with my younger siblings (the five year old being the best example if this) is positive reinforcement. And when I do get angry, which is more than I like to admit, I always apologize and explain why. Oh and along with hitting, talking down to kids is also a pet peeve if mine. As in dimming your language.
IndianRapper 0
haha yeah i meant spanked...lol i kinda made my dad sound like a bad person but i actually love him very much, he only spanked me to protect me when i was stubborn about doing something that would screw me up...idk if that makes sense but i hope you understand:) You see, there are parents who abuse their kids just to take their anger out, which is wrong. and then there's parents who spank their kids when they wont listen to good advice and they try to to something that would potentially hurt them...which was my case:)
MisterMuffinz 13
Your dad must be extremely stupid then. :)