Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML
Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Doughnt let him in your house!
LightningLadyy 0
That's not how you feel the bread.. You caress it like it is a beautiful woman.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Doughnt let him in your house!
babyyappld 7
maybe he was joking? and mmmmmmm doughnuts
waterpolohezy 6
I see what you did there
alwa7sh 2
Watch out for your muffin
mona_is_here 10
That's the funniest thing I've heard lately. OP, at least you know you're not ever gonna get bored when he moves in :D
DudeImBetter 0
That's a hilarious joke, you know he was joking right?
GreatGeak 8
@61 and MAYBE, you're just a sexy bech. oOooOoooOo burn. ;)
itsbecca 11
bread fetish... that's a new one.
morgan320 0
No, no it isn't.
perdix 31
Morgan's right, but they usually only last until the first yeast infection occurs.
therealsuperman 0
It's just a kinky way to show how much he loaves you
MrBoredGuy 1
he just doesn't want to move in with her but he'd feel bad if he just said it, this way she Will change her mind
meowmeowwkitty 0
aw loaves you
TheRetardedApple 0
creeeeeeep!
DncrHap 9
there is nothing wrong with an occasional bread-feeling party.
Garytt 0
wqnt to come to mine? ;)2
LightningLadyy 0
That's not how you feel the bread.. You caress it like it is a beautiful woman.
macskapingvin 0
A loavely beautiful woman.
AntoshaChekhonte 6
Is his name Tim? Because if it is, I think he's my friend's creepy, Frank-N-Furteresque dad.
tenniscrazy2 6
What a weirdo. Fyl =(
Doortje 30
You better prepare yourself for nice conversations at breakfast.
DDPT2 4
Will there be toast?
macskapingvin 0
Something will pop up, for sure.
jsx12345 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA no?
JordanLeah 2
It sounds like he's just being silly! He's probably just trying to make you laugh; I wouldn't take it seriously.
horselove123 0
true
Redders123 1
That's what I thought. OP just sounds humorless - or just resentful that he's moving in.
RHCP12 0
I smell a sitcom!!!