Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML
Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Doughnt let him in your house!
LightningLadyy 0
That's not how you feel the bread.. You caress it like it is a beautiful woman.
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Comments (112)
Sammansix 3
Well, did you feel the bread?
CaptainAwesome2 0
Seriously? FML? That's awesome! To MLIA, my friend!
ghbetuehe 0
I'm a humorous guy, I sometimes laugh for no reason at all. I love laughing. But honestly, rubbing my body with bread just isn't that funny :| He just kind of sounds... stupid. Like those people who try to be funny by acting like idiots. If he's moving in, just make sure he knows some funnier, less awkward ways to be fatherly.
dailylifeman 0
get out of the house
tomcleerdin 0
how I met your mother for the win!
Proud_vegetarian 0
he's wacky, deal with it and be happy for your mom.
CharcoalChicken 0
Hahahaha !!!
Danceswithsmurfs 0
that was the single greatest thing I have ever heard of
voodoopandaa 0
Cool guy ;)
amazinglyHappy 6
I love your Display Picture XD
losanimal 2
im with #49 sleep with one eye open