Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML
Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Doughnt let him in your house!
LightningLadyy 0
That's not how you feel the bread.. You caress it like it is a beautiful woman.
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Comments (112)
NIRVANA1990s 1
this made me think of the movie ratitouly (I know I spelt that wrong)
Dilwann 27
Rattatouille?
AKPILOT 3
Ohhh sh**
Kimitte 1
I don't understand this FML because it says OP went to the grocery store with her boyfriend's mom, and somehow it ends up her at a grocery store with her boyfriend..what?
Kimitte 1
Nevermind, I read it wrong.
onorexveritas 24
creeper
montyj 4
I never knew trying to be funny was a problem
nhi1221 9
Sounds like a keeper if you ask me
with_teeth 14
Honestly, nobody can be that weird without trying to be. He was screwing with you in a (perhaps poor) attempt to be funny.
Laura3415 16
Probably just trying to show you he has a sense of humor, lol people tend to do weird things when they're nervous
cypherwars 15
I believe a restraining order is in ORDER!
lellalove_fml 23
He was probably just messing with you. Which would be pretty hilarious.