kids

Time for the dentist

By Ethan - 07/04/2021 21:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 217

Evil eye doctor

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 07:58 - United States

Today, my step-son broke his glasses. Our doctor said he would no longer see us because my step-son is transgender, and a new law in our state allows him to do this. Apparently, it was foolish to be honest on medical forms. Finals are in a month but we have to find a new doctor before he can even study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 502

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

By jenni - 06/04/2021 20:00

Today, my seven-year-old niece gave me a birthday card. Only she'd spelled my name as ‘Jenny.’ When I told her it was spelled with an i instead of a y, she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 1 156

Relief

By Andrew Cab - 06/04/2021 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our 9-year-old daughter was removed from our home and placed into a home for children too violent to function in a family setting. I can't stop crying but my wife hasn't been this happy in years. She was actually smiling as our daughter was restrained and forced out the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 392

Weird kid

By maria lucia - 05/04/2021 21:30

Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 214

Crybabies

By PooperParty - 05/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had an Easter Egg Hunt in my backyard for my kids. When they collected all the eggs, they opened them and to their dismay there was no candy inside. When I bought them, I thought they already came with candy. It’s been two hours and my kids won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 1 839

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 07:59

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 1 901

Little shit

By NoPocketforme - 04/04/2021 00:30

Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 125

Projectile

By Mr.Incognito-san - 03/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sisters were fighting, again. Unfortunately, one of them has the tendency to pick up the closest object and throw it at the other one. Unfortunately, I was the closest object, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 115

Suspicious minds

By Hugh - 03/04/2021 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 169

Eastenders

By Amrit - 03/04/2021 02:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that a few years ago, when I lost my kids to my ex-wife, it was because my current wife secretly hated having to be their stepmom, so she conspired with my ex to ruin the custody hearing in my ex's favour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 197

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 213

She'll learn

By alyssa - 01/04/2021 21:30

Today, my four-year-old daughter believes that all women will automatically become pregnant at some point during their lives. At least we don’t have to save for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 1 469

Teenagers

By Chuncan Duncan - 01/04/2021 16:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 1 345

Lookalikes

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 13:58 - Germany - Bruchsal

Today, my boyfriend told me that his daughter only liked me because she thought that we look like siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 97

Kids will be kids

By bad influence - 30/03/2021 00:30 - United States

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 106

Kids are gross

By Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 203

Parent-sanctioned violence

By Momma - 26/03/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 1 134

Shiny shiny

By me! - 25/03/2021 17:01

Today, my 8-year-old daughter came home from school, saying she had gotten engaged and was wearing a ring. It looked real. Later that night, I got a call saying that their son had given my daughter his grandma's engagement ring. My daughter actually said no to the engagement, but still took the ring, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 189

Masterchef

By WhatHaveIDone - 24/03/2021 11:01

Today, my daughter tried to make pasta by putting a pot on the stove, pouring the noodles in without adding water, and turning on the stove. Then she asked me, "How come these aren’t getting soft like when you make them?" She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 734

Menace II Society

By can’t buy her love - 23/03/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my teenage stepdaughter wrecked her third car texting and driving. I’ve pleaded with my husband to stop buying her new ones and to revoke her driving privileges. He’s so desperate for her to love him that he’ll give her literally anything. I’m scared she’s going to get someone killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 179

Food for thought

By Michael - 20/03/2021 11:02 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while assisting my 2 year-old with potty training, she stuck her hand in her own poop, and when I wasn't expecting it, put her fingers in my mouth. Ever wondered what a green blowout tastes like? I don't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 182

Chub rub

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 19:59 - United States - Malvern

Today, I was pooping in a public toilet and a kid had walked in on me. I then heard him tell his dad, "It's okay, I didn't see anything, he was fat so his chubby legs hid it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 200

Pride and joy

By Unproud daddy moment - 19/03/2021 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife refuses to admit our 13-year-old son has no chance in hell of getting into college. He never got more than an E or an F on his exams, routinely misspells his own name, can't remember our address and I just watched him spend 10 minutes looking for his lost hat which, by the way, was on his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 286

Daddy's little girl

By what did I raise?! - 19/03/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, my daughter asked to use my phone to find hers. Instead, she sent multiple messages to my boyfriend, trying to break up with him. When asked why she did it, she said it’s because she wants me to get back with her father. This would be somewhat understandable if she wasn’t 32 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 152

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 103

The heat is on

By Emma - 17/03/2021 22:59

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 114

Smart

By mother of a complete idiot - 16/03/2021 21:30

Today, my daughter left a plate of food in her room for two hours. When I yelled at her about ants, her response was, "But I thought it took DAYS for ants to show up!" I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 960

Haircut, haiiiiiirccuuuuuut

By Shrek - 16/03/2021 20:01

Today, after we went and spent $30 to get our two youngest boys hair cut last weekend, they snuck my beard trimmer and had a go at doing it themselves. Guess whose heads are buzzed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 188

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 1 214

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The Top

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 124

You deserved it 4 203

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 078

You deserved it 5 980

Today, Geico called to tell me they were canceling my insurance. Someone I don't know got pulled over for drunk-driving and the police wrote down my license plate number instead by accident. Although the DMV says they cleared everything up, Geico still won't believe it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 757

You deserved it 292

Today, I told my mother I was doing fine with my classes when I actually wasn't because her mother is dying, and I didn't want her to have more things to stress about. She found out and she's very hurt. I feel awful about it and I know lying wasn't the right thing to do, but in the moment I didn't want to cause her any more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 226

Today, I can't make friends. Every community event I go to, I'm the youngest person by decades, everyone I exchange contact info with in person never messages me back, and people I meet online ghost me before we get past "How are you?" I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just want friends. I'm so fucking lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 127

Today, I spent an hour trying to log into my work email. I apparently kept typing the wrong password and eventually got locked out for 24 hours. My boss texted me five minutes later asking why I wasn’t responding to his emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 321