By Natasha9 - 22/5/2021 20:01

Empathy lives

Today, my mom walked in on me crying in my room and yelled at me for being a "weak little crybaby." I’d just found out my best friend died in a car accident. When I told my mom that, she said, "Does it look like I fucking care?" FML
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By  Chazzster  |  21

Obviously Mom is a Neanderthal jerk. Unfortunately there is no mental and emotional competence test required to become a parent. And people tend to inherit their values from their own parents and life experiences - And some of those are just plain wrongheaded.

Unfortunately a big segment of our society, especially people of a “certain age” think that boys have to be “toughened up” emotionally and physically to survive and compete in this world - Hence Mom’s very unkind words. And once she started down that road she didn’t have the maturity to realize that she might have made a mistake and that her son had a reason for his emotions.

I am very sorry for your loss - The loss of someone close to you can be upsetting and disorienting. I am even more sorry that your Mom so completely failed the test as a parent when she found you overcome with emotion.

There is nothing that you or I can do to make you mom into a different person. And for now you are stuck with the Mom you have, not the one you need. I can suggest that had you started out before you were crying telling Mom that your friend had died then she might have been more in tune with the situation and not reacted so badly when you showed emotion. I know - You really shouldn’t have to manage your parents like that during your own emotional crisis. But it’s about the only approach open to you at this point in your life that might help.

By  Chazzster  |  21

Substituting one kind of stupidity for another does not work. Violence is never the answer unless you are reacting in an emergency to physical violence.

Seriously, you think OP’s mom deserves being killed for her stupid and heartless words? If someone actually did that, chances are they would wind up in prison for most of the rest of their life and how would that help?

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  Chazzster  |  21

Substituting one kind of stupidity for another does not work. Violence is never the answer unless you are reacting in an emergency to physical violence.

Seriously, you think OP’s mom deserves being killed for her stupid and heartless words? If someone actually did that, chances are they would wind up in prison for most of the rest of their life and how would that help?

By  Chazzster  |  21

Obviously Mom is a Neanderthal jerk. Unfortunately there is no mental and emotional competence test required to become a parent. And people tend to inherit their values from their own parents and life experiences - And some of those are just plain wrongheaded.

Unfortunately a big segment of our society, especially people of a “certain age” think that boys have to be “toughened up” emotionally and physically to survive and compete in this world - Hence Mom’s very unkind words. And once she started down that road she didn’t have the maturity to realize that she might have made a mistake and that her son had a reason for his emotions.

I am very sorry for your loss - The loss of someone close to you can be upsetting and disorienting. I am even more sorry that your Mom so completely failed the test as a parent when she found you overcome with emotion.

There is nothing that you or I can do to make you mom into a different person. And for now you are stuck with the Mom you have, not the one you need. I can suggest that had you started out before you were crying telling Mom that your friend had died then she might have been more in tune with the situation and not reacted so badly when you showed emotion. I know - You really shouldn’t have to manage your parents like that during your own emotional crisis. But it’s about the only approach open to you at this point in your life that might help.

By  DanielleinDC  |  32

I'm sorry for your loss. Your mom has bought into some serious toxic masculinity. If there is any time it's right for a boy to cry, losing a dear friend would be one of them.

Your mom's shitty behavior is why some people go NC with their parents as adults.

By  Jonkbaby  |  21

I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. Sorry about your mom. Sounds like she is hurting and doesn't know how to share that. That's not your job to figure that out. Hug for you friend