Different goals

By Baby bird - 23/05/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my husband if it was a good time to think about having kids. His response was, "ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEVER." I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knows that. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 447
You deserved it 547

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Why would you not know this BEFORE you married him?? 😳

I would highly recommend marriage counseling if you’re not ready to give up just yet. Don’t give up on your dream - if he’s not willing to have kids with you, there’s someone out there who will!

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You might actually be able to get an annulment if you married him with the understanding that you both wanted children and he unilaterally decided against it.

I would highly recommend marriage counseling if you’re not ready to give up just yet. Don’t give up on your dream - if he’s not willing to have kids with you, there’s someone out there who will!

Why would you not know this BEFORE you married him?? 😳

It sounds like he changed his mind without notice.

Did he never want kids or did he change his mind? Either way, it sucks for you, and you can either divorce him or accept that you won't be a mom.

This. It's hard to tell if OP's husband was on board (or ambivalent) when they got married, and due to the state of things (their lives/financial situations, the world, etc) has just decided it's no longer a thing he wants. OP you need to sit down with him (preferably with a neutral third party) and find out if this is something that can be worked through. If it's not, you have to decide what you want more: kids or him. Either decision is okay as long as it's what you truly want.

bleachedraven 14

If husband said he wanted kids and changed his mind, I sympathize with you...if you just assumed, I would still feel bad for you, but ydi

Given the emphasis on that comment, I wonder if it depended on when you asked him and what else is going on in the marriage. There are a lot of factors, especially finances. We both want kids, but when I see my wife went out and spent 2-3x the monthly budget on random clothes or bath mats or whatever, it really makes me think if we can afford to have kids, since we’re trying to save to help with any future baby expenses, home repairs, or buying a larger home etc. You need to communicate and understand why he doesn’t want kids, especially if you had that conversation going in to the marriage and he used to. Is something wrong in your relationship and he does my know if it will last and doesn’t wants of child support? Is he worried about paying for kids? Is he feeling overwhelmed with the potential increase in domestic responsibilities? Or does he really just not like kids, in which case you have tough decisions ahead. As others have stated, marriage counseling is not a bad idea if you can’t communicate about it clearly.

Don’t put all the blame on OP. Even if her husband is worried by something, he should NEVER talk to her that way. Nobody deserves such a violent answer. Him too should make some efforts to understand her feelings and demands. So, OP, either your husband is a really great guy and is ready to work it out. Either he’s always that violent and, as difficult as it is, you might want to protect yourself and think about leaving him.

How was that violent? Maybe it was frustration. We don’t have enough data to know. It is possible that OP knows her husband doesn’t want to have kids and she has been bringing it up a lot lately.

Without knowing his tone, we have no idea whether he just said flatly, "Absolutely fucking never." You're assigning things to him that may not be true. I feel like if he had yelled at her she would have said so specifically.

If he knew you wanted kids, you should have known as well that he didn't. And if not, it's kinda like YDI for assuming he wanted kids and never really talked about it. Or am I missing something here? 🤔