Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML
Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML
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Top comments
gntfmlingnow 12
Remove the underwear. No more wedgie! Solving problems one at a time.
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
You know, there's this magical thing called sleeping, and it's commonly done in a bed. But that doesn't matter, because if you're in bed with someone, it's all about sex, right?
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Comments (141)
gntfmlingnow 12
Remove the underwear. No more wedgie! Solving problems one at a time.
Alwayspullout 7
Good ole handy... A man can only dream...
Feared 9
16- I think a mustache ride from elbow would tickle my fancy a little more ;) *view his user picture*
Feared 9
Elmo*
StanSmith_fml 9
Is rape an option at this point?
Drigr 9
Guess its back to long nights with Jill
dhall30 8
Poor you.... Was it really necessary to write an fml about this?
CryMoreFMLs 15
2 - Was your comment about this FML mecessary? No. Neither was mine.
domking1315 20
Guess its just you and me again today pal (lifts hand)
gntfmlingnow 12
This is a bit random, but has anyone noticed a depressing lack of Enonymous' comments?
Icejza_DaChilla 7
No reason to qq, just ask her to do it while she is down there! Get some imitative mang
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
Pulling out a wedgie. Much less sexy than a hand job
SoSickWithIt 14
Watching a girl pull out a wedgie can still be sexy.. Don't act like you wouldn't wish to transform yourself into a thong/G-string. I would.
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
Ok 78 but Ill still take the hand job
CrisisH3ro 0
Wtf is a duvet?
Feared 9
Wtf is a google?
alpaquette91 9
It's a comforter I'm from the US and I call my blanket a duvet.
micahsmommy 13
It's the way the British spell "dove". In the UK doves are actually similar in size to large bears so they are hunted and turned into bedding.
The_Troller 14
That's strange, I always thought they were a type of salad topping. The more you know...
Reid5 6
52 - Erm, what? A duvet is a quilt, or bedclothes. Brits spell 'dove' exactly the same.
Bekll 31
59, that went over you head, huh?
Bekll 31
your*
doubleohseven 0
You, my friend, are a moron
SultanRS 12
I love it when someone asks a question, and everybody gives the wrong answer.
mpsteve137 15
Tell her you'll pick hers if she picks yours
bglen21 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you were in bed with her, you should have gotten at least a *******. So why get excited about and handjob?
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
You know, there's this magical thing called sleeping, and it's commonly done in a bed. But that doesn't matter, because if you're in bed with someone, it's all about sex, right?
Zoranius 6
Reading this while watching Harry Potter really makes it sound like something Harry Potter could say.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
I don't think #9 is older than thirteen or fourteen... Such an idiotic comment.
texas_redneck88 10
What the hell is a duvet or whatever it was you called it? Since you said that y'all were layin' in bed, I'm gonna assume it's sheets or somethin'. But next time, how 'bout usin' a word that everyone knows
taerts 9
Duvet is a pretty common word. If you don't understand something next time, just google it; don't complain here
staymintyfresh 13
I read the in an extremely southern accent, I'm thinking you must have written it that way as well. Most people know what a duvet is anyway.
emmaa3451 11
I hate Americans who think that just because they don't know what a word means, it's not English. People say "duvet" in Canada, Australia and the UK. So ******* google it already.
Niicky_fml 20
A duvet is what we call a comforter here in the US. Google is our friend! :)
thiscrazything 1
Um, so 18, you only hate Americans for showing ignorance? I didn't realize other countries were immune to it.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
65 - No, he was said he "hate[s] Americans who think that just because they don't know what a word means, it's not English." Yes, it's almost always an American who doesn't know what a "fancy" word is, such as duvet. So don't be getting butthurt over a fact. Also, the fact that #10 is a Texas redneck (username), adds to the proof that he is ignorant and/or completely stupid.
datboiryan 6
I'm also from Texas and have never heard of a duvet...
Almandine 7
People use it in the US too... We just have a lot of morons who aren't willing to look up word that are new to them.
kkillaj 5
Man I'm Canadian and I never heard of a duvet lol people call them blankets or quilts
ssnowywinter 0
I must be the only one thinking 10 is some type of troll, because every redneck I've met would never type like that.
The_Hitdude 12
Christ Almighty this guy's username suits him aptly. Please, for the sake of all humanity, don't reproduce.
MissHayleyJames 7
Oh my God people. Seriously. I'm from Texas and I've heard of a duvet. Don't use Texas as an excuse.
norr14 4
Or how about you learn all the words we all obviously know or u can just shut up and commenting
twisted_cherub 14
14- I hope you're saying you read it in a southern accent because he's from Texas, not just because he's ignorant. Thinking everyone from the South is stupid is just as bad as not knowing words of other English dialects. It's all ignorance.
doubleohseven 0
Other countries aren't immune, they're just not ignorant enough to speak before opening their mouth. I am an American high school student and I see this every day. That said, 18, calm down you probably don't know of any real life Americans. I've been to Canada and it rocked so much harder than the US but there's no need to brag. And we've got enough morons with guns and enough money in the nuclear weapons programs here to tell you not to go calling names to Americans.
emmaa3451 11
114- actually I use to live in Los Angeles for 3 years, where I went to school, and I've been to pretty much every major USA city, where we've got tons of friends. Just saying :)
GUNZnRAIGN 6
next time, how 'bout puttin' in the effort to finish ya'll words, bud.
Lillith_fml 5
may I only point out that it was us that gave you people the language so how about not slagging off your motherhood, eh?
ashadele1511 3
Lol I'm from the US and I never have heard or seen this word but I got excited because it's used in the UK. Love the UK.
ironthor13 0
Lmao very true!
bellatrix0805 2
Everyone who is literate knows what a duvet is...
jrupp54 0
I think the real "FML" was that he was actually excited for a handjob!
attorco 4
I was thinking the same thing!
nofearjenshere 12
Whats wrong with handjobs?
DjeePee 25
Hey, it's not because you never got a pleasurable handjob that you need to project your disatisfaction on others.
l0v3p4in 7
Nothing, especially if a ******* follows.
cajekraze 7
I just think OP is a douche with an awesome girlfriend
downtime 13
45 I think it meant that its odd that seeing a hand go under the covers he automatically assumed shes about to instigate that. My junk must get really disappointed a lot, I often put my hand under the covers and not touch it.
sincerelyjay 13
*wife slips hand under duvet* Op: Yes! Finally- Wife: Stupid underwear.. Hey do you think I need a bigger size?
emmaa3451 11
OP doesn't have a wife (I hope). Said person is his girlfriend ;)
coffee_man900 16
Maybe OP's Girlfriend is sincerelyjay's Wife. Bet you never thought of that, eh? :)
norotors 16
Duvet? That a British thing?
sincerelyjay 13
Oh whoopsie! *girlfriend
br0ccoli 15
I'm sure if you started, she would help you finish :) Just tell her to wash her nasty fecal-infested, wedgie-picking hand.
br0ccoli 15
Yes, yes we do. Gotta keep it clean :D