pops up
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
hotmommy
🌶️ Spicy
Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
moopymoplady
Canada
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
perenoel
France
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Santa
Canada
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Loola
France
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
HOe HOe HOe
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
lonewolf2701
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML
tishihish
United States
Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML
unknown
Canada
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
Top comments
phatdaddy62 23
Welcome to the "North Pole!"
koala7_fml 2
Merry Christmas!
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Comments (256)
koala7_fml 2
Merry Christmas!
Keyman1212 14
More like happy XXX-mas! (;
iliketurdles 7
So who's been a naughty girl? *shitty **** music in background*
enonymous 9
I hope this version of a 'Christmas Story' came with happy endings..
Jovecove 13
Are you naughty or nice ;)
nerdness 2
I guess you're his hoe hoe hoe now!
Randuhh_17 4
This shouldn't surprise you... He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...and He knows when you've been BAD or good..
builditbetter09 3
Well.. Earn your present.
Jimboom 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Santa Claus is your daddy.... just thought you aught to know.
kaprookie 3
Looks like you weren't the only excited one OP.
Androidz 0
Anyone notice OP's name is pops up?
MrSarcasm 4
Santa has a VERY special candy cane for you.
MfailK 0
Bad Santa!!!
AnonymousTroll 2
Santa's little helper was working hard this year it seems.
ughbored 5
How old are you OP?
ferrettamer 6
@139 I want to know the same thing. How young are you that you still sit on Santa's lap, but you give him an erection o.o
rachellooo 0
Lol so many bad Santa puns, so little time...
skullcandifiedDJ 5
surprise butt secs???
abbey321 8
If your old enough 4 FML your to old for sitting on santa's lap unless your a little hoe ho ho
JustOhSoLovely 6
Nobody is too old for Santa's lap! Lol
frokeyman92 9
"Pops up"
maddylovesu 5
Dont tell Mrs.Claus.....(;
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Never to late to make an old man happy. ;)
raydaly 5
CANDY CAINE !!!!! :D
PinkieKeen 20
SOMETHING LIKE A CANDY CANE. LICK LICK.
One_Way 43
Santa Claus is coming to town...
CantTouchThat 29
And he knows when you **********
Gyromee 0
LOL!
boofgall 16
Boing!
allard 14
The amount of brilliant puns is overwhelming.
Serythvalker 7
Did he say "ho ho ho" and wink?
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"hoe hoe hoe" maybe? girls these days
that1guyyy 12
A hoe is a gardening tool; ho is right
FYLDeep 26
That's offensive to call those women gardening tools. They are people too you know (or so they tell me).
CryMoreFMLs 15
Ho Ho Hoooly shit, sorry young lady....
leogirl95 12
99- What if OP is a guy?
Georgieeporgiee 9
Kinky Santa.... Kinky!
iTrevor 5
Santa's cumming, tonight tonight.
AliCat18 12
# 30 . ye exactly, you use gardeing tools to "get it in" :)
phatdaddy62 23
Welcome to the "North Pole!"
onebigkaboom 10
South seems more appropriate
phatdaddy62 23
I know, but I had to make it "Santa!"
DelilahV 0
I think if his pole was pointed south this wouldn't have even been a problem.
thisisafunnyname 12
It doesnt matter which pole as long as santas cumming to op's house on christmas
MylifeStory9 0
you mean south "pole" xD
SemperFi_23 6
Old enough to count, old enough to mount.
nedted 4
He's gonna go down your chimney ; )
onlychildFTW 34
Looks like Santa wants a gift too ;)
Meme1988 18
If you know what erection is.. Then you are too old to sit in santa's lap!
Meme1988 18
She has account at fml? So.. Second grade??! Dont think so..
gabrielbaby 9
I knew about sex before I was in kindergarten. Just because you didn't, doesn't mean other people don't.
Falalala243 0
nebut what 104 is saying is that Op must still be young to be sitting on santa's lap.
tburke1 7
Santas hot. get it in!
Dr_Jalepenos 0
This little kid sent Santa a letter saying "Can u send a little brother for christmas?" Santa replied "sure but first send your mom!"
NoahStaz 3
I want to know OP's gender. If OP is a guy...
lonelyraven 6
Wtf?
MandyMeow_fml 18
Are you sure it wasn't just a candy cane in his pocket?..
Serythvalker 7
Who's going to check O.o
boofgall 16
Mrs. Claus!
MandyMeow_fml 18
A very brave soul
jackalope069 0
He's giving her an early present.
abcdeghijklmn 0
It's not a present when it's early.
blablablarg 0
It moved up!! :D and started getting stiff XD
kalejaxson 5
Maybe you and him can get together and have some hot chocolate later.
Timmeeh 17
I really hope you're an adult...
ElementalDragon 2
You do know this goes both ways, right? If he/she is a child, either Santa's a pervert or got a random erection. If an adult, WHY the HELL would you be sitting on his lap?
debatingalways 0
Either way it's bad. 1. Why is an adult sitting on santas lap??! Or 2. Santas gonna be the one getting watched while he's sleeping this year..... In prison!
Tiffaniee_fml 2
And a woman.
MwahFMLS 6
Wink wink?