Intimacy: Zinger

Zinger

By LZapped - 08/06/2015 13:35 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 377

You deserved it 5 339

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Same thing different taste

Realistic

By IBleedArbor - 16/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 295

You deserved it 5 024

By acincollege - 21/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 482

You deserved it 53 024

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 56 609

The root

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I got a lecture from my mother about how bad my stress has been, how I have to treat myself better and do something with my life. She still doesn't realize that most of the cause of my stress has been from her berating me about how stressed out I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 88

By RZ - 07/03/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 048

You deserved it 8 026

Speaks for us all

By Adan - 13/11/2020 17:58 - Pakistan - Peshawar

Today, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't what the future holds, I'm overthinking and stressing about things I could've controlled. Now I'm having a breakdown and I've got a test tomorrow and I have to take a bath, but all my lazy ass does is worry but never actually do the fucking work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 497

By not laughing anymore - 11/12/2014 19:55 - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 774

You deserved it 6 455

By goodgrief - 30/10/2013 18:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 920

You deserved it 8 778

By xXMudkipNoobXx - 13/01/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 6 157

Keep it down!

By LonelyStudent - 02/09/2019 19:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 164

WitEluded 13

Monday 8 June 2015 17:58

Good luck getting that out of your head before the exam

igg125 30

Monday 8 June 2015 17:56

Mama knows you best.

Comments

mattrd_fml 31

Tuesday 9 June 2015 1:20

at least you have her support if you decide to go into the adult industry.

DrCheese 16

Tuesday 9 June 2015 2:42

Well, if your good at something...

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Tuesday 9 June 2015 2:55

If you're good at something you should never do it for free. OP, maybe you should consider going professional.

maggiefox 25

Tuesday 9 June 2015 3:55

I have a friend that took a law test today... :o

devinaww 15

Tuesday 9 June 2015 4:22

I wonder how she knows.... and what does she mean when she says "excel"? How good can you be at masturbating..?!

ProSwimmerFL 16

Tuesday 9 June 2015 5:14

Now does your mom walk in on you while you do that orrrrrr what kinda strange OP

meghancuma 14

Tuesday 9 June 2015 5:49

Just some light humor! I'm sure you did great(:

SoulessSoul 10

Tuesday 9 June 2015 8:23

Damn, how'd she find out?

Drosophila82 18

Tuesday 9 June 2015 10:14

That is hilarious.... But remind her that all men excel at that, and tell her not to be a hater

cmb2002 6

Tuesday 9 June 2015 16:55

U could be a sperm donor

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food Birthday Family Money Gifts Mother in law Parents Public freakouts Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, I was stuck on a packed interstate bus for hours next to 2 complete strangers, even to each other, have an debate about the "Drake and Kendrick beef." They even tried to drag me into it, so… if you happen to read this and recognize yourselves, I was the guy in a white UA hoodie pretending not to speak English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 75

Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 220

The Top

Today, I jokingly told my die-hard Laker fan dad that I converted to become a Celtics fan. He responded, "Get out of my car." I'm currently sitting on a sidewalk, trying to convince him it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 487

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 152

You deserved it 6 465

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 884

You deserved it 4 905

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 658

You deserved it 7 594

Today, after working all week on a group project, I realized I forgot to submit the assignment and missed the deadline. I now have to tell my group that we automatically failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 53 708

Today, I was driving when this guy aggressively rode my tail and crossed over the yellow line to pass. He reached the stop light before I did, and I slowly pulled beside him and started clapping for this lunatic driver. He rolled down the window and said, "My daughter is in the hospital. How do I get there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 1 065