Intimacy: Zinger

Zinger

By LZapped - 08/06/2015 13:35 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 377

You deserved it 5 339

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Realistic

By IBleedArbor - 16/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 295

You deserved it 5 024

By acincollege - 21/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 482

You deserved it 53 024

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 56 609

The root

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I got a lecture from my mother about how bad my stress has been, how I have to treat myself better and do something with my life. She still doesn't realize that most of the cause of my stress has been from her berating me about how stressed out I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 88

By RZ - 07/03/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 048

You deserved it 8 026

Speaks for us all

By Adan - 13/11/2020 17:58 - Pakistan - Peshawar

Today, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't what the future holds, I'm overthinking and stressing about things I could've controlled. Now I'm having a breakdown and I've got a test tomorrow and I have to take a bath, but all my lazy ass does is worry but never actually do the fucking work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 497

By not laughing anymore - 11/12/2014 19:55 - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 774

You deserved it 6 455

By goodgrief - 30/10/2013 18:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 920

You deserved it 8 778

By xXMudkipNoobXx - 13/01/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 6 157

Keep it down!

By LonelyStudent - 02/09/2019 19:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 164

WitEluded 13

Monday 8 June 2015 17:58

Good luck getting that out of your head before the exam

igg125 30

Monday 8 June 2015 17:56

Mama knows you best.

Comments

StickyPickles 33

Monday 8 June 2015 19:25

Hahahaha. Owned by your own mother. yes

gracehi 31

Monday 8 June 2015 19:26

Your mom is my new hero.

S1N9UL4R17Y 8

Monday 8 June 2015 19:28

lets be realistic for a second. Everybody does it, and then acts like they don't.

JohnTheDonJuan 11

Monday 8 June 2015 21:46

At first I thought you were implying that everybody only does it for a second, and I felt like a super - hero. Or just really terrible at it.

1dvos_grl3 21

Monday 8 June 2015 19:53

well she isn't wrong

Vitotaylor36 13

Monday 8 June 2015 19:53

Would you like some Aloe Vera for that burn?

drbobbz 16

Monday 8 June 2015 22:01

I think lotion would be more appropriate in this case

buckdharma 36

Monday 8 June 2015 19:54

It sounds like the old bate and twitch.

cassbird09 12

Monday 8 June 2015 20:04

I don't actually get it? What does he have to fall back on if he bombs the test? How does stressing out help?

Brandi_Faith 33

Monday 8 June 2015 20:16

I wondered this too. I was actually checking the comments to see if anyone knew what he meant by this. I don't see how stressing= something to fall back on. Anyone understand what op means?

Wsparta 26

Monday 8 June 2015 20:22

I would assume it is referring to being on one's back while masturbating though I will confess I am not totally sure

That_Ginger 18

Monday 8 June 2015 21:29

Falling back on as an excuse if he fails.

isawan09 14

Monday 8 June 2015 21:57

I thought maybe he meant that if he failed the test, he could say 'oh, I was overly stressed out and wasn't doing my best'. That's the impression I got.