Speaks for us all - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 121

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 606

Speaks for us all

By Adan - 13/11/2020 17:58

Today, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't what the future holds, I'm overthinking and stressing about things I could've controlled. Now I'm having a breakdown and I've got a test tomorrow and I have to take a bath, but all my lazy ass does is worry but never actually do the fucking work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 459

Vulture

Triage

The smell detective is on the case

12/01/2015 00:39

Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 399

You deserved it 3 807

02/04/2009 23:12

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 925

You deserved it 5 253

23/02/2010 18:57

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 040

You deserved it 2 451

12/09/2013 01:12

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 802

You deserved it 2 908

07/07/2009 11:51

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 790

You deserved it 62 877

01/03/2014 06:09

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 399

You deserved it 4 037

29/08/2016 12:46

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 361

You deserved it 931

28/07/2015 05:02

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 902

You deserved it 4 688

18/02/2009 22:09

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 229

You deserved it 3 956

05/09/2018 18:30

Today, my dorm's fire alarm went off. In the rush to escape, I slipped and fell off my bunk bed, breaking my ankle in two places. Crying, I told my roommates I needed help to walk. They shrugged and left after mentioning that I would slow them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 205

You deserved it 257

07/06/2014 13:31

Spicy

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 296

You deserved it 15 756

10/04/2012 20:57

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 257

You deserved it 6 701

30/08/2013 14:44

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 850

You deserved it 20 558

24/02/2017 14:00

Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 827

You deserved it 455

23/07/2014 23:16

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 257

You deserved it 5 317

03/04/2012 05:39

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 416

You deserved it 4 649

01/02/2010 20:56

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 917

You deserved it 28 531

24/09/2011 06:21

Today, at the end of my shift with a long line of customers, the older woman I was checking out calmly said, "You should take a minute to fix your hair dear, we have all been talking about it while we waited." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 128

You deserved it 3 763

Itchy and Scratchy

By Ashley - 15/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was getting ready for a very unpleasant doctor's appointment. I got out of the shower and used a new body spray all over my torso and arms. Turns out I'm allergic to it and now my skin is on fire, so now I get to go to an already uncomfortable appointment even more uncomfortable than I'd planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 180

25/10/2009 08:54

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 689

You deserved it 7 110

09/07/2009 07:35

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 896

You deserved it 62 208

08/03/2010 05:34

Spicy

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 022

You deserved it 2 625

24/12/2012 21:06

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 485

You deserved it 3 738

Values

By mira - 13/03/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom I was leaving early to give my boyfriend a ride to work. She asked me why on Earth I’m even attracted to someone who doesn’t have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 357

16/07/2012 18:25

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 616

You deserved it 2 694

27/12/2014 21:15

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 323

You deserved it 2 680

Does this smell bad?

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 02:01

Today, I spent a full two minutes doing nothing but sniffing my computer. Don't worry, it was in the living room and my roommate definitely saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 626

21/08/2012 08:39

Today, I was so desperate for any kind of male romantic attention that I googled "prison pen pals", and I'm considering writing to one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 498

You deserved it 24 825

23/03/2013 11:43

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 171

You deserved it 3 473

Crowded House

By crowded - 20/05/2020 23:00

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to his parents' house for the weekend. He didn’t tell me until after we’d arrived that all his siblings and their SO's would also be coming. His parents live in a 2 bedroom, one bath house. So far there are 16 people here and he’s refusing to drive me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 294

19/11/2011 07:58

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 718

You deserved it 3 068

Mid-life crisis

By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 828

You deserved it 2 465

04/01/2010 13:50

Today, I had a large pimple on my temple. I decided to try the whole "put toothpaste on the zit to make it dry up" technique that all the magazines say to do. Not only is my pimple still there, but the toothpaste irritated my skin and my already large pimple now appears three times bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 017

You deserved it 8 027

31/08/2009 13:05

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 396

You deserved it 2 727

26/12/2017 06:00

Today, I learned that my husband is attracted to obese, unhealthy women after celebrating my weight loss of 175lbs and improving my overall health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 156

You deserved it 392

26/10/2011 02:28

Today, I was happily playing with my young niece and nephew. Their grandmother was watching and said, "You are so good with children! Why don't you have any?" My husband died 3 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 862

You deserved it 2 856

27/05/2011 23:30

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 861

You deserved it 4 554

27/03/2016 16:53

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 024

You deserved it 1 783

15/04/2013 07:31

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 508

You deserved it 4 075

26/06/2015 19:56

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 201

You deserved it 8 551

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Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Friday 13 November 2020 15:42

My parents said the exact same thing when I told them I'd been diagnosed with depression. I can't hear your voice, but I can hear the same unsympathetic tone they had in your words, and nobody needs that. Especially right now.

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Friday 13 November 2020 15:55

Sounds like you might need professional help. What you're describing are symptoms of various conditions such as depression, ADHD, anxiety ect. a Psychiatrist or psychologist will be able to help guide you through the best course of action should you be diagnosed with a condition. Weather it be through meds or counselling sessions I hope you get the help you need to be able to get yourself back into a healthy, functioning state of mind.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Friday 13 November 2020 15:25

Welcome to the party, pal!

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Friday 13 November 2020 15:55

Sounds like you might need professional help. What you're describing are symptoms of various conditions such as depression, ADHD, anxiety ect. a Psychiatrist or psychologist will be able to help guide you through the best course of action should you be diagnosed with a condition. Weather it be through meds or counselling sessions I hope you get the help you need to be able to get yourself back into a healthy, functioning state of mind.

Send a private message

Friday 13 November 2020 16:01

totally agree! this is me! and I know I need to seak help because it's making it so much harder for me to complete simple tests or even notice what needs to be done!

lev 11

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Saturday 14 November 2020 20:49

btw if your condition is mild enough, your GP can also diagnose it and prescribe pills.

SquirrelRulingtheWorld 8

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Saturday 14 November 2020 16:12

You need to see a mental health professional about your anxiety. It’s impairing your executive functioning, that’s why you feel overwhelmed and paralyzed. You’re not lazy, you’re unwell. Please seek help and be safe.

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Saturday 14 November 2020 22:47

sounds like you know what needs to be done. so start doing it one step at a time. little goals!

Yudith 20

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Sunday 15 November 2020 14:00

Let's start with the bath. You know the steps, and you know the outcome. Shower, wash your hair, wash your body, dry yourself and wear comfy pajamas. Done!

It_gets_better 16

Thursday 19 November 2020 21:51

I'm sorry about the loss of your cat, OP. I know that hurts. But those two things are so far unrelated...