Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
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Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML
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Top comments
A_Guy 0
This just in: Locks were around since before the dark ages. OP should investigate further
mehungie2 3
That's kind of gross...you saw someone then bolted to your room? and 1 and 2, not everyone has locks on doors.
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Comments (298)
derpdederp101 1
you should have just finished anyway and just told them your balls were ichty
Stahn 0
horny idiot... seriously, YDI.
Oriina 0
First off, you're a idiot. You could've waited, you horny moron. Second, if your door doesn't have a lock, which is very probable, then why go to your bedroom? At least go into the bathroom, where if the door is closed, people won't think "O HAY I SHOULD SHOW MY GUESTS MY DOG'S AMAZIN ABILITY ON THIS CLOSED BATHROOM DOOR." On another note .. Damn! I want my dog to be able to open doors! Only my kitten can do that. He's not much help with the groceries.
RunninFun 0
Come on guys...the man has the right to fire off a few wrist rockets in the privacy of his own bedroom...unfortunately his dog is smart as hell.
Bunneh18 0
You should have masturbated in the bathroom, or just stop masturbating. You deserved it....
FTL 0
Self-control, discipline, and common sense go a long way.
SuperBigTurnip 0
I'm pretty sure someone has already said this, but from the mom's POV Today at a large party, I was showing 10 guests how our family dog can open doors. I was demonstrating on my son's bedroom door, and when my dog opened the door, all the guests saw my son masturbating. FML or from the dog's POV Today, at a party, I was being shown off to like 10 guests or so, because unlike other dogs, I have the unique ability to open doors. When I demonstrated on my owner's bedroom door, the guests were not even impressed. Perhaps because they were shocked to see my owner masturbating on his bed. FML
Applelover13 0
First of all. Why didnt you lock your door. And second... Dont j/o while theres alot of people in your house
mattmag 0
Lock your damn door. Every regular user of FML should know that by now.
miss_sobriety 0
I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this guy is probably a chronic masturbater. Honestly, who the **** jerks it DURING a party, especially one being thrown by parents. Everyone knows parents are into the whole "tour" of the house thing.