Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
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Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML
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Top comments
A_Guy 0
This just in: Locks were around since before the dark ages. OP should investigate further
mehungie2 3
That's kind of gross...you saw someone then bolted to your room? and 1 and 2, not everyone has locks on doors.
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Comments (298)
Casualt1234 0
I clicked YDI as soon as I saw the word **********. Masturbation FMLs are almost always YDI
BluEG0pher 0
its time for you to move out of your parents house or you'll be **** blocked for life.
AnaMaree 0
LOL @ #2
Night22_fml 4
Are you, by any chance related to that guy that accidentally taught his little brother to **********?
eeee93757 0
Umm...if your bedroom door doesn't have a lock, why would you go there to whack it when there are 10 guests there? If you absolutely HAD to do it right then, couldn't you at least have chosen a bathroom or something where you could lock the door or at least not have to worry about someone barging in on you? YDI retard.
Shunnabunich 2
Your dog has excellent comedic timing.
mattiscool 0
i call BS. you would have heard people coming. and if you have a dog who can open doors, i think it would be normal to have a lock, because dogs always opening your doors can get pretty annoying. Especially atnight
mehwhateverr 0
So instead of talking to the extremely beautiful girl, you decide to go **********? And then you don't lock the door when there's a party going on? You deserved it, buddy.
mehwhateverr 0
Also, if you wanted to ********** so badly, you should have gone to the bathroom or something... I assume that door has a lock.
kirby229 0
as a woman, I would like to inform you that you will never get laid.