Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
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Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML
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Top comments
A_Guy 0
This just in: Locks were around since before the dark ages. OP should investigate further
mehungie2 3
That's kind of gross...you saw someone then bolted to your room? and 1 and 2, not everyone has locks on doors.
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Comments (298)
tipple 0
1. ROFL! Your Mum, 10 guests and a smart-ass dog! The ultimate wankus-interruptus! 2. Your dog can open doors - that is awesome! 3. Most of the people posting in here seem to think your dog is smarter that you - even if the dog humps guests' legs. #198: I mostly agree with you, although OP did call him/her-self "Jeremy" But try it: imagine this as the OP being female, lying back on her bed, legs akimbo, and panting up a storm, when: ...click! - squeeeeek ... OMFG! Fido, Mum and guests have all come to say "oh my..." :o) - much better FML!
whomajigi 0
That's super embarrasing. On the other hand, is it normal for people to go get off with a house full of people? Come on, show some self control.
DankJemo 0
Seriously man? You need to play it cool hotshot... You deserve that one.
Grimjoker_fml 0
Wow, who walked in your house that was so beautiful you couldn't wait to spank...anyway locks man gotta use em, and if you don't have one on your door, bathroom, or don't jerk it when there are guests over...oh oh i got one, if she is single hit on her and maybe you won't need to jerk it, she can do it for you ;)
machetes 0
YDI for being a total creeper. Like... are you ******* serious? Learn some self control, douchebag.
airandfingers 0
Either lock the door next time or use the bathroom. YDI
chelseay 0
I agree with 19. lol
juicyfruit23 0
who does that when there's a bunch of guests over? and if you did why didnt you go into your bathroom where there is a LOCK
racicot8033 0
you are a weird kid
islander1415 0
being caught is the least of your problems you sick ****