Intimacy: You gotta be kidding me

You gotta be kidding me

By KnowledgableEx - 10/11/2016 12:42 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 592

You deserved it 1 182

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/10/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 2 833

Bragging rights

By lucasbeck99 - 31/03/2015 09:35 - United States - Mabank

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 360

You deserved it 3 859

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 02:38

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 2 680

Phone-blocked

By unamyous - 08/06/2012 13:26 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 641

You deserved it 4 156

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 342

You deserved it 17 892

Haunted by you

By Tech Savvy - 20/09/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 750

You deserved it 4 992

By Anonymous - 17/08/2019 00:01

Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 461

You deserved it 217

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 716

You deserved it 33 243

By xswitch74 - 16/03/2015 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 568

You deserved it 4 211

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 04:06 - Canada - London

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 936

You deserved it 7 327

socialproduct 19

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:05

I think "go **** yourself" would be the appropriate response. Both as advice and as a general response to her inconsiderate question.

KingKralj 31

Saturday 19 November 2016 9:02

Well, did you tell her? Ya can't leave the story unfinished!

Comments

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Sunday 20 November 2016 0:59

You tell her it's easier to show than tell.

AirBusDriver 23

Sunday 20 November 2016 1:55

I'm thinking she was hittin on you by bringing up sex stuff... bet you'll be banging each other again if you're up for it!

polsen4273 8

Sunday 20 November 2016 4:19

Can everyone on here be so dense? She texted he ex saying her current bf cant please her. She is indirectly asking for some discreet dick and making sure op understands she has a bf. She wants op to cross the line for her.

marxor 2

Sunday 20 November 2016 4:58

is she trying to make you intervene now? i am pretty sure you could charge for counseling. i woulf also take it as a compliment that clearly means she misses your ways

lilithfury 23

Sunday 20 November 2016 19:40

Watch out. She's just playing a game. Either she wants you to **** her, wants you to want her, or is trying to make her man feel easily replaceable and like shit.

GOLD3NxWARRIOR 25

Monday 21 November 2016 5:26

Although it's very inconsiderate on her end, it could also be a compliment to you. "Yeah we just didn't work out, but damn did you do a good job at *insert sexual behavior here*". Then again, I could be wrong. It's hard giving input with the smal amount of characters allowed