Money: Today, my "best friend" stole almost $1,000 worth of electronics...

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 16:36 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my "best friend" stole almost $1,000 worth of electronics and video games from my roommates and me, just so he could pawn them off and buy himself a new car stereo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 587

You deserved it 3 214

Money

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

BO Central

Triage

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 1 017

By Anonymous - 01/09/2009 07:30 - United States

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 098

You deserved it 45 499

ACAB

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 646

Unfit

By naagodinho - 09/01/2012 14:56 - Portugal

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 844

You deserved it 4 747

By akieferr - 03/09/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 732

You deserved it 14 713

By weeble_wobbles09 - 08/01/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 404

You deserved it 25 714

Understanding

By nothanks - 22/08/2010 13:42 - United States

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 675

You deserved it 5 815

By razzipost1 - 05/10/2009 05:28 - Canada

Today, I came home from work to my basement flooding. With sewage. That wasn't from our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 818

You deserved it 2 033

Don't mind me

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 18:01 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, my grandmother passed away recently, and I moved in with my mother to support her. My two uncles and my cousin (a technician, photographer, and a theologist) who are in a joint venture wanted to discuss business. I felt like a loser, waiting in the other room, while they sat in my Management Consultancy office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 98

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 610

You deserved it 2 741

By skating101 - 08/12/2009 02:32 - Canada

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 857

You deserved it 29 004

By WTFDude - 14/05/2019 10:00

Today, I was punched in the face for wearing a Ramones shirt. The guy who punched me said he was tired of people wearing the shirt without knowing who they were. I've been a Ramones fan my whole life and am the only person I know who has worn the shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 130

By Sam - 01/04/2015 11:37 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 3 664

By Anonymous - 11/01/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 852

You deserved it 11 183

By ShylaMarie - 14/02/2012 22:29 - Canada

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 474

You deserved it 2 919

By Anonymous - 23/11/2017 01:30

Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 404

You deserved it 742

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 02/11/2020 02:01

Today, I accidentally got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years and now I’m 4 months pregnant, single and we don’t even talk anymore. The best part is that he doesn’t believe I’m pregnant, nor that it’s his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 392

By committedandalone - 24/11/2016 14:45

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend about where we want to live when I graduate. He says he doesn't know what he wants and his mother wouldn't approve of us living together. We've been together 3 years with the understanding we would live together once I graduated my Master's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 735

You deserved it 901

By purrfect :/ - 07/07/2016 22:34

Today, my future husband presented me with an engagement ring he had had engraved with the pet name he calls his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 357

You deserved it 1 056

By Frozen - 10/03/2014 14:23 - United States

Today, the heater went out at work. I was shivering so hard that someone thought I was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 528

You deserved it 4 058

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 859

You deserved it 40 302

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 05:30 - Canada

Today, feeling like I needed to relax, I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 284

You deserved it 26 899

By GotPunched - 11/04/2009 06:36 - Finland

Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 635

You deserved it 5 557

By rissalynn - 15/07/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me lazy. Her days consist of sitting on her couch watching Fox News. I'm a college athlete who also has a part-time job, yet I'm the lazy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 136

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

By Tyr88 - 05/03/2017 02:00 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 487

You deserved it 1 554

By JWags - 04/12/2018 05:00

Today, at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 444

You deserved it 1 470

By IT_4_Hire - 10/05/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 993

You deserved it 3 207

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 16:28 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 977

You deserved it 48 373

By Shamdog48 - 11/04/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 773

You deserved it 3 729

By grant b - 09/06/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, my boss asked if he could pay me in guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 328

You deserved it 6 050

Open door policy

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 23:01

Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 63

By gingerninja - 02/11/2010 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 392

You deserved it 7 628

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 12:21 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 459

You deserved it 2 274

By superdrinkingbud - 23/06/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, after having diarrhoea all week, my girlfriend dragged me to London. Expecting to not be able to find a toilet, I decided to fast for the day. We spent 3 hours wandering the food stalls of Camden market with her friends. So many free samples I had to refuse… FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 958

You deserved it 580

By anon - 05/04/2017 04:00

Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 588

You deserved it 708

By AccidentalFlasher - 08/01/2016 02:08 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 412

You deserved it 5 569

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 000

You deserved it 30 776

By sometingwong - 01/12/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 190

You deserved it 3 420

By Anonymous - 01/09/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, someone broke my car's left side mirror. A friend of mine was buying a replacement one and texted me to confirm which one I needed. He asked: "It's the driver's side, right?" To which I replied: "Right". I got the wrong mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 088

You deserved it 47 320

By thismakesmesad - 07/09/2011 16:16 - United States

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 327

You deserved it 7 544

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Top comments

Liamj774 36

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:32

Maybe you could pawn him for a new friend

lex1459 38

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:32

I'd steal and sell the car stereo, then I'd get myself a new best friend.

rallison22 22

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:30

Kick his ass out

photographer49 22

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Saturday 14 February 2015 1:13

#1 Or just kick his ass?

MrConcise 34

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Saturday 14 February 2015 1:59

#25 - Or kick his ass and his car's rear bumper.

kangx1 28

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Saturday 14 February 2015 15:46

steal his shit and see how he likes it.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Sunday 15 February 2015 20:26

Just blow up the damn car, or put sugar in the gas tank...

Liamj774 36

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:32

Maybe you could pawn him for a new friend

Welshite 39

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:36

How much are friends going for nowadays? I paid $20 for my last one, but that was a few years ago.

Nymeria_fml 25

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:37

I don't think he would be worth all that much, though.

Ltsdragons 19

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:47

You wouldn't have to pay much to get a better friend than that one

MrSassypants 32

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Saturday 14 February 2015 1:01

I say OP should sell instead of pawn the friend. Pawning implies that you might want the friend back.

stevenN659 24

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Saturday 14 February 2015 1:45

#20, maybe thats the whole point. making him think you still care, and slowly but surely realising that you don't want him around you anymore

makkarari 18

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:32

Go take his car stereo and sell it to buy yourselves new video games etc that he stole from you. Then kick him out. Or if you have proof he did it, go to the police.

garrett_8614 14

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Saturday 14 February 2015 19:14

He should file a civil suit against his "friend" for the amount of money he mad from selling the stolen items.

lex1459 38

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:32

I'd steal and sell the car stereo, then I'd get myself a new best friend.

mellajella 14

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:48

With my luck, if I tried that, I'd get caught while trying to take the stereo.

MrSassypants 32

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Saturday 14 February 2015 1:08

That's why I bring a leprechaun everywhere so I don't have bad luck. The only bad thing is I haven't blinked in years.

Retaheki 27

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Saturday 14 February 2015 1:37

Is that how you make your beautiful comments, MrSassy?

lex1459 38

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Saturday 14 February 2015 6:49

Please stop #29

Retaheki 27

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Saturday 14 February 2015 22:52

What'd I do?

PeaceTea13 17

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:33

If this happened to me, I would kick that "best friend" out and steal the stereo while doing so.

gracehi 31

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:33

Get your money back by selling him into slavery. Easy fix.

appletreee 30

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:34

Time to get a new friend?

stumpy77 3

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:34

not a best friend or a friend at all

Nymeria_fml 25

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:39

Well... I guess that's why it's in quotes.

skyedawson 2

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:35

Steal his shit and beat the crap out of him

MrSassypants 32

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Saturday 14 February 2015 1:34

Wouldn't you have to beat the crap out of him first to steal his shit?

cakefete2 30

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Saturday 14 February 2015 0:39

Kidneys go for about $40k on the black market. Your "best friend" has two.

Retaheki 27

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Saturday 14 February 2015 4:38

I got a bathtub full of ice and a scalpel at my place.

Sideshowray94 8

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Saturday 14 February 2015 14:40

"Can I get one kidney please..." "Certainly sir. Can I also offer you some guns or internet passwords... No? I'll chuck in a sample pack of this new drug *winks* it's on the house mate!" This is how I imagine every black market exchange to be like haha.