Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
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Top comments
junkman6 22
Life's all about having goals right?
Llamacod 11
The best way to start out any New Years is with an ******
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Comments (119)
Enslaved 36
3,2,1-- Your own way to Pop Champagne?
gracehi 31
Good idea, but trust me: It's a lot more fun with a friend. ;)
domolovesyoshi 33
he said he didn't have any, this FML is about how lonely he is.
SWC_Penguin 17
Careful. You'll develop a fetish for countdowns. Before you know it you'll be sneaking into rocket launch control rooms. It's not too late to save yourself.
adam3650 12
Imagine the chaos that would ensue if he watched the show countdown.
arandomusernameaa 20
his dick would look like a wrinkly Patrick (from spongebob) by the end of the show...
jloko16 11
He will start masturbating to the countdown of his microwave
angelitared 27
New year. Change your life!
perdix 29
So? How close did you cum? To the stroke of midnight, that is. I guess your auld acquaintances have been forgot.
Nickb55 16
Those are all New Years Babies!
julia2750 11
Did you succeed?
beaverteaser 16
that's a good way to ring in the new year
AnonymousUsers 14
Did it work?
CrazyMelvin 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's gross. Get a life!
SweetasCandy0609 28
#24 what are you 12? I see nothing gross about pleasing yourself, if you don't know how to please yourself then how do you expect anyone else to be able to.
twelve_oh_seven 11
I agree with 46
speakersboom 19
It's... creative...