Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
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Top comments
junkman6 22
Life's all about having goals right?
Llamacod 11
The best way to start out any New Years is with an ******
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Comments (119)
honeymoonroyale 20
Lol I'll probably be thinking about this during the 2015 countdown, wondering if you'll make it lol.
AngryD 9
well maybe if you stop playing with yourself constantly and go out in the world you won't be so lonely
Jennaflamingo 14
Well that's new
steffidallasbfl 16
Soo. Did you.?
UsernameTaken14 18
The funniest comments I've ever read are on this FML. By the way, nice job OP!
skipper2009 18
Wtf?
williamnot 3
I've already lived that and ... no i'm kidding
Potter_Head 10
Did it work?
thenewgirl29 20
You stole my idea OP! I always wanted to have an ****** at the end of the countdown.
nhormuss 17
Just know ur not alone...