Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
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Top comments
junkman6 22
Life's all about having goals right?
Llamacod 11
The best way to start out any New Years is with an ******
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Comments (119)
nitrog100 21
Well that was depressing.
bradix1186 12
Way to go OP!
twelve_oh_seven 11
I wanna know of he got it?
Annjelina 11
Did it work?
KSer4lifeee 8
3...2...1... JACK OFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!
Capt_Air713 13
That's pretty weird OP...
el_dew 4
gotta end 2013 and start 2014 with a bang one way or another
StanBVB 10
I'm honestly disappointed that I didn't think to do that.
martin8337 35
If you are that lonely, why not open a Facebook account or something.
NodakN8V 25
What was read...can not be unread... FML