Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
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Top comments
junkman6 22
Life's all about having goals right?
Llamacod 11
The best way to start out any New Years is with an ******
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Comments (119)
guitar42697 3
I did the same exact thing :D
awilliams44 9
lmaoo!! omg I'm dieing.... that is so to funny I'm sorry
noonenoeone 22
Umm, what? Between the spelling error, the extra word, and the apology I have no idea what you were attempting to say or why...
hgore95 3
Hahah at least it's a memorable start to your new year
kc_bbg15 14
Well, did you do it?
MasqueradePrince 25
Hopefully next year you can try to do it again with a partner! Sounds like a little more fun to me!
LegenHD 6
You too?
Mynamewontfi 40
There's no better start to a new year than a handful of sperm.
an3ph 20
Now I can't wait for next New Years.
swaggtastic51234 5
I don't even find this remotely sad, unless you came early OP you are living the dream
braga_fangirl98 13
I have a question: does anybody know why it is called "come"? I am actually curious about this.
jloko16 11
It's not. It is called "cum"
DavidKnows 11
Ok....why is it called cum?