Intimacy: User manual - FML

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 967

You deserved it 26 517

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Same thing different taste

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Spicy

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 491

You deserved it 80 913

Tiny Tim

By hmmmm - 13/08/2012 12:19 - Australia

Spicy

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 369

You deserved it 5 489

By StantheMan93 - 02/02/2015 23:59 - United States - Perrysburg

Spicy

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 178

You deserved it 3 599

By O_o - 09/02/2014 00:42 - United States - Simi Valley

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 282

You deserved it 6 682

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 936

You deserved it 74 597

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 453

You deserved it 6 045

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 73 618

By jasmine - 23/08/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the hard way, that yes, a condom can break. Also, that sometimes when it does, your boyfriend won't say anything until you start having morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 403

By FANZZY - 18/08/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 273

You deserved it 16 315

Bruh…

By ... - 06/06/2011 07:44 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 796

You deserved it 6 720

Next

Top comments

FD929 0

Monday 11 January 2010 10:05

Congrats on your future child. I hope you make enough at Burger King to afford it.

yukonesian 0

Thursday 8 July 2010 7:15

you should have said 'condom sense' ah boom cha!!

Comments

smamlatina 4

Wednesday 27 April 2011 17:59

ur suppose to leave room so when u arrive theresxroom for it n it doesnt pop duh y dont u learn about sex before u get in bed???

mba1256 0

Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:31

double wrap ftw?

kizz92 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 5:15

Awwhhh poor Hun

ThisRandomChild 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 0:16

Sssss, OW, i'm a chick and I even have sympathy pain

cburke9 7

Friday 28 October 2011 20:37

how old are u? seriously

shanniemac 2

Monday 28 November 2011 2:30

Dumbass

tdc0129 0

Wednesday 21 December 2011 11:38

Actually, it's in the instructions to do so...you just did it wrong.

devilsnitemare9 8

Tuesday 31 January 2012 20:24

A baby isn't all bad

samiluvsyew00 4

Wednesday 27 June 2012 1:11

Noob.

AmberAusgeflippt 13

Wednesday 14 May 2014 22:57

....yes it is.

DiabolusIgnis 15

Sunday 7 February 2016 0:42

More of a requirement than a suggestion for the condom to actually work, is what the OP probably meant. If you don't do it, the risk of the condom breaking increase greatly, which is what I suspect happened.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 362

You deserved it 3 818

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 440

You deserved it 74 725

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 355

You deserved it 5 651

Today, it's my birthday. When my crush spotted me in the hallway and wished me a Happy Birthday, my nerves got the best of me and I blurted out, "You too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 045

You deserved it 5 340

Today, I'd planned a surprise party for my best friend's birthday. However, she apparently found out about it and told me at the last minute she couldn't make it, probably to avoid being the center of attention. I'd already invited all of our mutual friends, so I had to awkwardly cancel the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 566

Today, my boyfriend told me that I'm "almost" his perfect woman, and that if I wanted to be the perfect woman, I needed to start eating his ass. Yeah, no. See you never. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 278