Intimacy: User manual

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

agreeclassic 6 967

vote type 1 26 520

Watch out for the New Year
It's time to say goodbye to the current year, but when the goodbye goes wrong, it's a different story. Be careful, you might want to stay at home. More…

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Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

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Tiny Tim

By hmmmm - 13/08/2012 12:19 - Australia

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

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By StantheMan93 - 02/02/2015 23:59 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

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By O_o - 09/02/2014 00:42 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

agreeclassic 59 286

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Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

agreeclassic 16 936

vote type 1 74 598

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

agreeclassic 53 455

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Protip

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

agreeclassic 12 424

vote type 1 73 626

By jasmine - 23/08/2019 04:00

Today, I found out the hard way, that yes, a condom can break. Also, that sometimes when it does, your boyfriend won't say anything until you start having morning sickness. FML

agreeclassic 2 710

vote type 1 403

By FANZZY - 18/08/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

agreeclassic 35 275

vote type 1 16 315

Bruh…

By ... - 06/06/2011 07:44 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

agreeclassic 43 800

vote type 1 6 722

FD929 0

Monday 11 January 2010 10:05

Congrats on your future child. I hope you make enough at Burger King to afford it.

yukonesian 0

Thursday 8 July 2010 7:15

you should have said 'condom sense' ah boom cha!!

Comments

DevinCam03 14

Sunday 18 May 2014 10:23

Lololol

Allie614032 34

Sunday 12 February 2017 9:46

No shit, Sherlock.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my housemate blew chunks all over the freshly-painted walls in the bathroom. The paint was still wet. FML

agreeclassic 5 225

vote type 1 387

Today, in the middle of oral sex, I got a cramp in my tongue. Yes, it's a thing that can happen. My wife didn’t believe me, and since I’d already gotten a blowjob from her, she accused me of being lazy, selfish and no good at sex. This led to a huge argument and I’m now sleeping in my truck outside. FML

agreeclassic 1 682

vote type 1 348

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

agreeclassic 691

vote type 1 3 734

Today, I’m questioning everything about me. I’ve been in a relationship with the same guy for almost 3 years now, high school sweethearts if you will. Now I’m starting to question if I even like guys. I’ve never gotten off to a guy, but women? I’ve always gotten off to them. My boyfriend is so sweet, I don’t know how to do this. FML

agreeclassic 435

vote type 1 223

Today, I made the coolest platonic friend who I really liked. She liked me too, until I accidentally found her setting up an OnlyFans and, in a fit of feeling very weird about it, confronted her. Now she won't talk to me at all and has blocked me on every single online platform you could imagine. FML

agreeclassic 315

vote type 1 2 622

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "To put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

agreeclassic 33 106

vote type 1 9 430