Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip it up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turned around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML
Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML
Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friend's stomach. It was my Principal. FML
Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML
Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML
Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML
Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML
Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML
Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML
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Top comments
xSonic 9
Right....filing down your nails. Mmhmm
SkoomaKi 28
That's a good cover story OP, but we know that you were twiddling your twaddle. We know.
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Comments (52)
Mauskau 36
I just try to file it with my other nails. Mine are long enough to kinda reshape a broken nail, enough to stop it from getting caught on things.
Enslaved 38
Were you pants unzipped? :P ***I carry a baby nailclipper on my key ring for such-- nail breaking occasions. (:
dabeast15 7
Just use a ******* file and this woulduv never happens
RedPillSucks 33
Some schools would toss you in detention or suspend you for using a "weapon" in school.
dabeast15 7
Yea that's true
fylx100 19
28- I usually just wait until after class and file my nails on the bricks when I don't have a nail filer. It works just as well, especially for a quick emergency. However, if its aggravating me too much, I ask to use restroom and then go outside to file it really quick.
2112mike 4
Filing down on your jeans ? Not smart man..
oG100 5
Self service in class, yum sounds like the start to a porno. haha
KiddNYC1O 22
Why do we keep assuming it's a girl? :O
pink_raindrops 26
Probably because most guys don't have long enough nails to break like that. It could be a guy, but when you read "I broke a nail" most people would instantly think it's a girl.
KiddNYC1O 22
True but it can be a guy that fancies long enough nails lol.
damn_homie 2
I file my nail on my jeans too. I just don't look like that doing it I guess.
3040evan 2
This is awesome.
RedPillSucks 33
Just tell the principal that you were doing a study on the Bonobo and thought the whole "relieving stress through sex" thing was a great idea. If he's good looking, suggest he try it, as you're feeling quite stressful now.
LifelessStars 22
you can file nails on our jeans?