Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML
Today, after a month's-long dry spell, my wife and I finally had sex. It was awkward and terrible, neither of us finished, and she muttered, "I don't know why I missed that" after we gave up. FML
Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML
Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
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Top comments
robinsn 0
Most people are their first time.
bobsanction 18
I doubt you know what good sex is.
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Comments (416)
winslow310560 0
haha! you made him wait so long he just wanted to get off and didn't care about you. I'm sure it wil get better in time but haha!
Chaotonic 2
Tie him down and have your way with him, he'll soon learn what you like, what you don't like, and what makes you scream.
Veritas411 0
you were either his first ever or first in a long time... its not like the Matrix where he can stick a plug in the back of his and in 30 seconds say " I know ***********" give him time and coaching... if you want him to unlock the safe, you need to tell him the combination or give him a key, not throw him a stethescope and a paper clip and expect him to pick the lock BTW I love the bi-polar attitudes towards sex on here... if its about sex before marriage they 'deserve it' for being *****... and if they wait they "deserve it" for not test driving the car before they bought it sorry to OP by I'm going with YDI for expecting his first time to put you into orbit (clearly you've been duped by some man-****** who told you that you were their first-- likely so you'd let them go bareback) and for not communicating with your Husband about any percieved issues -- tell him it was bad and help him get better
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Ha! If some guy told me I was his first, I'd be even more adamant about the condom. No two-pump chumps, please.
amazingjane 0
he'll get better. if not, there's always the magic bullet ;)
youthink_fml 0
YDI for waiting until marriage. How stupid. And of course he was terrible. It was his first time. I bet you weren't a chandelier-swinging **** star either. You suck, and not in a good way.
shabbashabba 0
I agree with 197
clemcool_fml 0
ugh. fhl for havng a wife who posts on fml instead of understanding that sex is mostly just mechanics and can get better with practice. seriously, whether you're virgins or it's just you first time with each other, know this: sex is 90% mechanics, 5% chemistry, and 5% love/connection/intimacy. hopefully, if you're married, you have love, and even if yall's sexual chemistry isn't the best, sex can still be awesome if you COMMUNICATE with your husband and experiment with each other to figure out what your bodies respond best to. pick up a cosmo and try some of the tricks there if you're not sure where to start. I'm a fan of a little reverse domination, myself. have him tie you up and tell him he if he can make you come without his penis touching your ******, he can do whatever he wants to you after (while you're tied up). this only works if y'all are really trusting of each other, but I would hope you are since you're married! now get off FML and go teach your husband how to **** your brains out!! good luck :)
Paris_LovezYhu 0
it's not completely his fault you could have thrown some stuff of your own while it was going on not just sitting there waiting for something to magically happen it's the two of you not just all him
Namenlos_fml 20
I agree with 7, 8, and 24
bangbangbabe 0
haha I bet he thinks yu suck 2! or yu could just teach him. or get lessons from experienced friends. (jk)
Taurus_ChicKa 37
lol!!! Well kudos for waiting for marriage unlike most people, but most are horrible their first time. Just keep trying and eventually you'll get better. It's all about experience. :p But how do you know he's terrible if you haven't had sex either? Unless you had sex before he did, which means you didn't wait until marriage.