Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML
Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML
Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML
Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML
Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML
Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML
Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML
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Top comments
xlord 27
Can't go wrong with the classic shovel + u can use it to dig the hole. This all completely hypothetical of course!!!!
Soundslikeothers 15
Do you "hypothetically" call the police?
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Comments (131)
Chingy892987 14
Did Tim Lambesis come to your Home Depot?
zenrael 21
I always say. "One moment please," and walk away and never come back.
sweggy 5
I would say a ho for a hoe
squarecircles 13
You can always suggest killing her with kindness and show him the plants & flowers selection.
worldclassrager 41
Tell him to buy a copy of the Golden Age Of Grotesque by Marilyn Manson...that will have a few ideas
TheyCallMeDamien 18
So what did you recommend? *wink* *wink* *nod* *nod*
scythe_lover 4
you can never go wrong with a nice scythe...
Bquillero16 18
I share the awkward pain, after the new year I had a customer talk to me about toilet augers and if it could be used to give abortions since doctors basically use the same kind of tool to conduct abortions as well. People are crazy
what12345 12
I'd keep your eyes on the news, OP.
plunkit 6
Always get a ho to kill a bitch. li'l Wayne.