Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check... - FML

By sommmerrrr - 15/9/2013 04:12 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check out when a little sweet-looking old woman came up and asked if she could get in front of us. Seeing as she only had two items in her hands we said yes. Her husband then came up with two carts full of stuff, condoms on top. FML

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sommmerrrr Say more :

I didn't think this would be posted so fast! But thanks for all the comments, they made my stepmom and me laugh our butts off. But we just went into a different line. Wasn't that big of a deal. But the granny didn't even say thank you! It was a little awkward seeing as they were so old but we still let that grandpa get in front of us. But thanks again for the comments guys!

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

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By eddie818 - 10/6/2012 07:54 - Canada - Sidney

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

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By Needasafe1234 - 25/9/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

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By imcold - 30/12/2013 07:32 - United States

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

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By he's still not convinced - 24/10/2013 06:05 - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

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By MissBeEyeTeeSeeH - 8/11/2009 11:46 - Canada

Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML

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By Tang - 27/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 18:00

Cockstepblocked

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

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By thairsha - 9/2/2012 11:05 - Japan

Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, when I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML

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By loveeyou. - 8/2/2010 08:00 - France

Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 20:47 - Canada

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2019 22:02

Power move

Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML

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By that girl has a beard - 4/8/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

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By Yeah-It's-Just-Me - 1/1/2015 00:52 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

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By Why - 18/12/2018 05:00

Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML

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By Earplugged - 25/1/2015 05:01 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2015 02:41 - Australia

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

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By cinderella - 27/9/2010 14:47 - Netherlands

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

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By HeadTrauma - 20/1/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

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By ahhhboys - 27/11/2010 19:12 - Romania

Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML

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By Baby_girl - 6/6/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2009 06:37 - United States

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

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By Oops - 25/12/2012 11:17 - United States - Augusta

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Clever girl.

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

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By ScarredDaughter - 29/3/2016 05:01 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2013 21:26 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

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By ev_lyn_aw - 28/2/2017 02:00

Today, I received a company-wide email from my boss, praising a coworker's extra effort at improving our line of business. The coworker's efforts were a direct copy-and-paste of a plan I put together three months ago. No one cared when I gave the presentation. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML

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By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/3/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

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By j3r3zana16 - 31/10/2011 08:30 - Canada

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

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By carnivore - 22/9/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2015 14:20 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

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By m33p - 5/2/2015 20:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML

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By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

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By Zeco - 5/2/2011 22:54 - United States

Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2017 05:00

He tried.

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

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By Typicalwhitechick - 18/6/2017 00:00

Today, I finally have a day to go to the library and read for hours. Today is also a playday event for toddlers. In the library. FML

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By bathroomseww - 12/5/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2013 16:38 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

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Top comments

By andrewturtle | 16

#5674370 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:12

Is this the part where I'm supposed to say: "Only at Walmart"?

By tommylover842 | 23

#5674369 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:12

Grandma strikes again!

COMMENTS

By stevenN659 | 24

#5674368 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:11

i dont know if that is an fml moment, that would completely suck. But you must admit, thats quite funny.

By tommylover842 | 23

#5674369 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:12

Grandma strikes again!

Reply

icyhottt | 11

#5674603 - Sunday 15 September 2013 17:31

Aww she keeps a healthy lifestyle! :)

Reply

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5674624 - Sunday 15 September 2013 17:47

I honestly don't think you can blame the grandma. Think about it for a second. She didn't want to wait so she asked op. Op sort of shocked her by letting her go in front and then her husband came a bit later

Reply

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5674626 - Sunday 15 September 2013 17:48

Or I'm over thinking this and thug life granny tricked op

Reply

\ | 28

#5674662 - Sunday 15 September 2013 18:40

This is why I ignore everyone who asks to cut me in line at market. I may seem like a heartless bastard, but at least I save time and ego. :)

Reply

HanBroman | 20

#5724389 - Monday 21 October 2013 10:43

why do they even need condoms? Surely she's well past menopause and if they're married I like to think they'd trust each other enough to not need to worry about STIs. unless one of them has one...

By andrewturtle | 16

#5674370 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:12

Is this the part where I'm supposed to say: "Only at Walmart"?

Reply

calilovesneb | 12

#5674534 - Sunday 15 September 2013 16:37

Only in Merica'.

Reply

vipirius | 18

#5674582 - Sunday 15 September 2013 17:04

The apostrophe is on the wrong side genius.

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#5674646 - Sunday 15 September 2013 18:24

Haven't you heard 43? We're actually Americaaa.

Reply

reallytho3 | 11

#5674648 - Sunday 15 September 2013 18:25

only in 'Merica

Reply

lengi123 | 18

#5674708 - Sunday 15 September 2013 19:05

'Murica*

Reply

starile | 19

#5674819 - Sunday 15 September 2013 20:39

#67 There's enough of that going around as it is. I don't think the 'Murica joke can make it much worse.

Reply

Chumsword | 8

#5674843 - Sunday 15 September 2013 20:57

Nothing to worry about there... I've been to a few countries and I can say, they ALL have their "quirks". 'Murica just has the real gems. Enjoy it, we get a free show everytime we leave the house.

By Missyeru | 14

#5674374 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:15

Yay for safe sex... and Viagra!

Reply

Gingerette | 8

#5674993 - Monday 16 September 2013 0:28

And an apparent yay for the intense binge eating that comes afterwards. Grandma's gotta eat.

Reply

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5675262 - Monday 16 September 2013 3:54

well, at least theyre being safe... No More Gereatric (sp) Pregos.

By mackdeezy | 21

#5674377 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:16

I would only click YDI if youre a regular of this site and youve already been warned about troll granny.

Reply

lwonderful | 11

#5674695 - Sunday 15 September 2013 19:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

oxygenius | 14

#5674768 - Sunday 15 September 2013 19:55

#61 Maybe if you're lucky enough, you'd get 69 thumbs down too.

By HiImNew | 3

#5674378 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:17

Breaking news, old people have sex too!

Reply

starile | 19

#5674413 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:53

But if they're past menopause age, do they really need the condoms?

Reply

flohsch | 15

#5674422 - Sunday 15 September 2013 14:01

It's for the lubrication probably.

Reply

SlapAndTickle | 20

#5674424 - Sunday 15 September 2013 14:02

Maybe they're swingers and have enough to worry about without bringing STDs to the table. Besides they probably don't have anymore room in their pill boxes to add more medicines.

Reply

TheBrochure | 22

#5674428 - Sunday 15 September 2013 14:04

#18 - If they're not married, and have been keeping each other companionship recently, then it would be a safe idea (infection-wise)!

Reply

SlapAndTickle | 20

#5674431 - Sunday 15 September 2013 14:06

#21 Condoms don't provide lubrication for longer than two mins. Besides lube is much cheaper and lasts longer than condoms. Flawed logic.

Reply

TheBrochure | 22

#5674433 - Sunday 15 September 2013 14:08

Edit: I type WAAYY too slowly, and I was outgunned anyway by SlapAndTickle's witty comment! *thumbs self down*

Reply

TomPusslicker | 21

#5674474 - Sunday 15 September 2013 15:30

Of course they need condoms, they just screwed OP pretty well.

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#5674508 - Sunday 15 September 2013 16:15

"A Tisket, a Tasket, a Condom or a Casket!"

**also applies to old folks! :P

Reply

NightHawk387 | 22

#5674607 - Sunday 15 September 2013 17:38

If all you need is lubrication, then you buy lube, not condoms.

Reply

SlapAndTickle | 20

#5674715 - Sunday 15 September 2013 19:10

Don't worry #26 I thumbed you up. :P

Reply

acs123acs | 22

#5674732 - Sunday 15 September 2013 19:31

@22 the other factor is that certain medications interact with birthcontrol pills.

By Vidrill | 22

#5674380 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:18

Gotta love old people's sense of entitlement sometimes...

By FloMarDee | 19

#5674381 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:18

it's important they hurry up and get home... they don't have much time left!! ijs

By aintlifeapain | 21

#5674385 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:21

They want to go out with a bang.. let them!

By mangobbler | 11

#5674396 - Sunday 15 September 2013 13:33

Just be straight forward: "I thought you only had two items to buy, but since its more, I am not giving you the spot on the line." It is as simple as that, mate, even if saying it may be a little bit harder due to the awkwardness that may arise.

Reply

vipirius | 18

#5674585 - Sunday 15 September 2013 17:05

Seriously, people need to stand up for themselves.