Animals: Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left...

By usafprog - United States

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

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Animals

Messed up

Amazon Prime

Heartbreaking

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

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By Oopsie

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

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By Amanda - United States

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

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By Happyforeverx - United Arab Emirates

Today, I kept restarting my internet, wondering why I wasn't receiving any messages from my friends. Then I realized they were all ignoring me. FML

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By Broken Leg, Broken Job

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML

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By Anonymous

Professional.

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML

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By happybirthday - United States

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 20:00

Tasty

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

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By lesson.learned - United Kingdom - Littlehampton

Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

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By Kathleen Verhaegen - 5/3/2020 21:00

Pale AF

Today, I went to get a double conch piercing. Afterwards, the lady asked me whether I was feeling well, because I was looking so pale. I had to explain that it's my normal skin tone. I'm just pale as fuck. FML

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By "belladonna1025"

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

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By maddengirl12 - United States

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

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By Hair Fail - United States

Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML

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By SLA - United States

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

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By aloha - France

Today, I landed in Hawaii for my vacation. I have a really bad ear infection, and to top my day off, my girlfriend blurted out mid-flight that she thinks we're not going to work out. Aloha! FML

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By shirley - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

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By Anonymous

On Target, almost

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

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By sociallyawkward - United States - Atlanta

Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML

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By flopsy - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

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By nightmare ass

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

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By 1suckatL1fe - United States

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

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By writerflaw - United States - Juneau

Today, I lost a grade on an essay, because according to my teacher, I put much more detail into my analytical essay than I should have. FML

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By Anonymous

Alone

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

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By hayleediaz - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

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By dannyfanny - United States

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

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By tdtf - Germany - Neuburg

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

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By steph - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

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By lowlife123 - United States - Manawa

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

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By pardon my English :$ - France

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

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By shawty_x - United Kingdom

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

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By traveller - United States

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Barrington

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

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By why - 6/11/2020 23:01

Delusional

Today, I was at work. I had a male patient expose himself to me. He then apologized and said he thought that's what I wanted. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

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By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

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Top comments

By brenna805 | 0

#435416 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:04

hahah you can be part of Blue Man Group now!

By Iloveyencheck | 0

#435418 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:05

haha I'm blue dadadedadada

COMMENTS

By brenna805 | 0

#435416 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:04

hahah you can be part of Blue Man Group now!

Giselle468 | 0

#435465 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:12

I guess you shouldn't have left it in the sun. YDI

gorgydan | 0

#435498 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:21

if i was green i would die, if i was green i would die...

imtheman920 | 0

#435564 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:37

I'm sure that's not what the Blue Man Group is looking for.

americayay | 0

#435615 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:49

...depending on the shade.

Awol0612 | 0

#436147 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 6:24

http://www.thisnext.com/show/item-images/610BB601/A48273A5/

KumoFF7 | 3

#436190 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 6:45

Itst actually "Im blue, dabadee-dabadye"

bpack | 0

#436257 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 7:18

Well look at the bright side, you learned how to quick paint a rocking horse.

blehargh | 0

#436576 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 10:57

Nice comment #1
and YDI, spray cans specifically say not to leave them in places where they could heat up.

steveholt | 0

#436581 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 11:00

Yeah, I guess he blue himself.

yougetmecloserto | 0

#436774 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 13:44

Smurffff

pennies83 | 0

#436962 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 15:52

You go Tobias Funke!

tpm45 | 25

#5692639 - Saturday 28 September 2013 3:31

"Green is not a creative color." -Don't hug me I'm scared... YouTube

By 2200dtn | 0

#435417 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:04

Sucks to be you.

Rhowryn | 0

#436460 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 9:43

it certainly does.
Especially since there are warnings on spray paint cans. The ones that specify: Do Not Leave In Heat.

smartypants9 | 15

#5899434 - Saturday 29 March 2014 16:52

SMURF alert!!!

By Iloveyencheck | 0

#435418 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:05

haha I'm blue dadadedadada

tbbays04 | 0

#435526 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:25

hahahahaha

kurato | 6

#2071645 - Friday 11 February 2011 18:32

@3
*inglip face* Gasp, Genius!!!

By chocoLIFE_fml | 2

#435420 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:05

LOL Blue people

4dakill | 0

#436459 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 9:41

can sumone say....."SMURF"

pingpongdj | 0

#436578 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 10:58

SMURFS! they're so cute :D

By davelociraptor | 0

#435424 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:06

YDI for being an ostrich

cheer_leader247 | 0

#435587 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:42

an ostrich?.....

Icalasari | 0

#436183 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 6:41

That was the worst mockery of pointless YDI's yet v.v

By TheLetterZero | 7

#435431 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:06

Cheer up!

By Clairina | 0

#435432 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:07

at least blue is a pretty color...

By pchands00 | 0

#435438 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:08

you could just join the blue man group..?

By yeti09 | 0

#435440 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:08

HAHA that's really funny.

By lady_gogo | 0

#435458 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:10

well, accident happens

oldskoolman85 | 0

#436301 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 7:41

Clearly, you're here.

sted_phillups | 0

#440328 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 18:42

Wow, Impressive insult. I'll bet you were up all night working on that doozy. Your parents must be so proud.