Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
gjikvtj 18
Hey, at least it didn't bite you
EverestMelting 23
"Come snuggle with momma!"
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Comments (135)
iKristien 5
Oh my god this is one of the few FMLs that actually make me giggle/laugh.
Hethyr 7
If it didn't get aggressive, I'd call that a win :)
Honeybadger24 7
If it was during the day, that thing could have had rabies...
Dertyp719 1
lol
Sniper_Chick4110 20
Well, if the raccoon didn't mind i don't see the problem.
qprince09 2
I would have ******* died...
doogy15 11
There can only be one highlander!! Hope your cat is ok lol
rabid_otaku 29
That sounds awesome as long as he doesn't attack.
RandomPhantom 10
Just like that commercial where the women let in a raccoon instead of her pet cat.
Marie314 17
Haha exactly like the sears commercial