Work: Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut...

By Tooks - 28/07/2009 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 720

You deserved it 8 022

Work

Compromises

Mama's boy

Mother of the year

By Anonymous - 26/03/2013 00:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 341

You deserved it 7 273

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 04:04 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 596

You deserved it 2 881

The whole package

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 16:59

Today, I discovered my husband has a secret Facebook where he is a member of many step dad support groups. I thought it was sweet he was asking for advice, until I read some of what he posted. It was purely ranting about how much he hates my kids to other dads, who also hate their step kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 204

By Still Waiting - 16/08/2016 18:54 - United States - Wenatchee

Today, I had an appointment. After 2 hours of waiting in the sun, my mom finally picked me up and lectured me on how irresponsible my dad was for not communicating with her. Not 5 minutes after I got home, my dad showed up and gave me the same exact lecture about my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 739

You deserved it 993

By Kpotassium - 19/12/2016 21:58 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I noticed that my two cats have been urinating on my Christmas tree skirt more frequently than in their litter box. I've tried to get them to stop, but I don't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 007

You deserved it 1 036

Get help soon

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 06:01

Today, I realized I rarely go outside anymore due to hyperacusis, social anxiety, depression, and sensory issues. I'm also afraid to tell my family and friends about my problems, because they don't understand how bad it really is. Looks like I'm doomed to be depressed and alone my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 12:36 - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 580

You deserved it 8 386

By SallyGeen - 27/07/2011 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 597

You deserved it 40 278

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 10:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 621

You deserved it 2 396

By Funnymann - 22/01/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 333

You deserved it 3 877

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 963

You deserved it 50 500

By bystander - 07/02/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 2 877

By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 17:00 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 464

You deserved it 3 009

By dannyboy - 30/03/2012 16:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 352

You deserved it 14 778

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 23:32 - United States

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 089

You deserved it 8 062

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 228

You deserved it 3 295

By but cum to think of it... - 03/07/2015 21:29

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 214

You deserved it 2 256

By theynamedmeluke - 23/09/2013 22:49 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 255

You deserved it 2 853

By flowerchildd2 - 12/12/2011 23:17 - United States

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 330

You deserved it 3 010

By El Stupido - 12/06/2011 13:51 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 165

You deserved it 58 349

Third degree

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 06:01

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 92

By bsulyingb - 24/11/2013 19:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 505

You deserved it 2 972

By Noname - 16/02/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 914

You deserved it 10 564

Sweet talker

By Anonymous - 21/04/2011 13:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 250

You deserved it 12 867

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 00:37 - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 121

You deserved it 4 111

By geena - 27/10/2012 06:42 - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 992

You deserved it 7 939

By Anonymous - 09/06/2014 21:20 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 664

You deserved it 10 850

Freakout

By anonymous - 21/07/2021 00:01

Today, my soon-to-be step-daughter had as absolute meltdown at our rehearsal dinner, screaming that I ruined her family. Her parents were divorced 10 years before I even met him. Her mother was there because we’re friends. She’s 23 years-old. I honestly don’t know which one of us was more embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 71

By pam - 03/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 134

You deserved it 7 918

By gooddriver - 15/10/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 670

You deserved it 2 075

By Pwnedofthedead - 03/10/2009 15:34 - Canada

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 735

You deserved it 3 768

By catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 069

You deserved it 4 414

By santashelper - 05/12/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 832

You deserved it 4 726

By dickface - 28/03/2011 20:13 - Canada

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 655

You deserved it 29 953

By watch_corn_dance - 08/04/2014 02:13 - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 020

You deserved it 3 539

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 478

You deserved it 3 350

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 129

You deserved it 4 694

Online shopping strikes again

By Anonymous - 05/03/2017 20:00

Today, after saving up for a beautiful new dress to wear to my partner's 30th birthday party, it finally arrived in the post. I tried the dress on and the stitching instantly ripped, leaving two big holes in it. Turns out I'm no longer a size 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 721

You deserved it 1 983

By unlucky - 29/03/2014 23:06 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 707

You deserved it 3 377

By purplepixie23 - 22/09/2018 14:00

Today, it's -5°C outside and snowing and it's only September. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren't allowed to have the heat on at work due to a menopausal monster who loses her shit and throws things if we turn it on. I can't feel my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 175

You deserved it 218

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Top comments

PositiveChillout 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:50

Well, if it works, it works!

Montville1 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:55

The moral of the story is to put less effort to get better results.

PositiveChillout 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:50

Well, if it works, it works!

PositiveChillout 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:50

Well, if it works, it works!

anonymous2323 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:50

Haha well maybe you should sleep in late like that every day!

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:55

Sometimes bed hair can look really awesome though.

Dfeline 2

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:13

Totally. Bed hair makes me want to run my fingers through the guy's hair and do bad, bad things to him. Most guys shouldn't even bother with combing, hairspray, gel, whatever it is they do with it. Just wash it and leave it be, guys.

DrAwesome 6

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 3:59

... So, you wanna meet up somewhere sometime? ;)

PokeyStix 3

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 18:02

No. Some guys have naturally crap hair. Some guys need gel and styling/straightening. Some don't. Depends on the person.

chanman 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 3:23

yeah, like if I left my bed hair, I'd look like a peacock. Not good. The only bed hair I can pull off is what I call "artificial bedhead", which is completely pointless because you're trying to make it look like you're not trying. -.-

DrAwesome 6

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Thursday 30 July 2009 3:55

Uhh... was that a no? If it was, I won't make dinner plans then...

Montville1 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:55

The moral of the story is to put less effort to get better results.

Clairina 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 3:05

agreed. =)

silvac13 0

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Monday 2 May 2011 4:50

haha fukin right!!!

Vintage_Cola 29

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Thursday 20 August 2015 5:56

Sounds like High School life in a nutshell.

Sorrel 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:02

Yeah, I am with number 4, occasionally my bed head results in awesome hair that I couldn't have done if I tried. -_-

kaycee1996 5

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:06

Mine too : )

aback 4

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:02

Run with it.

abetterday 4

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:02

ummm shouldn't u be happy that ur hair looks great without any work?

barty5858 0

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:05

I'm the same way. I use a little water to flatten out some of the unkempt parts, then I am good to go. Be happy that you can sleep a little later from now on.