Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut... - FML

By Tooks - 28/7/2009 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

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Understandable

Abuse

In my day…

By aaannnddd there goes my boner - 28/11/2013 22:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

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By anonymous - 20/3/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2013 08:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

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By Gassy - 21/9/2015 14:45 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

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By anonymous - 8/1/2013 00:21 - United States

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2012 07:35 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

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By littlemissignored - 2/9/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 21:35 - United Kingdom - Stourport

Today, I won a meal for two in a raffle. I had no one to go with. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2011 02:00 - United States

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2014 15:43 - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

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By cnkk07 - 14/10/2011 10:36 - United States

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

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By jemma - 4/8/2009 11:27 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said "shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2015 11:28 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 10:51 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

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By ineedaraise - 15/7/2015 01:04 - Canada - London

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

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By christian9294 - 8/2/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

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By igiveup - 21/12/2012 03:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML

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By So I can go now then? - 9/2/2019 20:00

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

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By Alpha - 17/12/2011 21:18 - Estonia

Today, while I was meditating in my room, I started to hear strange sounds. I was thrilled and thought I was having some sort of profound experience. It turned out my brother had tuned in to South Park out in the living room. FML

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By Mamasboyhater - 15/6/2010 09:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me because his mom told him to. FML

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By EunJung - 4/11/2011 00:16 - United States

Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 05:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2014 19:51 - United States

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

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By rhartnett11 - 16/2/2011 12:56

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

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By blehhh - 4/4/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

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By MLGreco - 14/10/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

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By bruised_scrotum - 15/5/2014 17:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

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By limegreengiraffe - 1/11/2014 14:06 - United States - Lubbock

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2011 08:19 - Canada

Today, my psycho stepmother and I got into an argument, and she started to get physical. After calling the police, and a cop showing up at the door, he took her side because she said it was "discipline". I'm a 29 year old man. FML

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By jordy1995 - 16/7/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

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By xnickx - 16/4/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

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By gbhlaughingstock - 18/8/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

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By hexphoenix - 7/4/2015 00:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

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By djl - 20/12/2012 05:30 - Canada - Beaumont

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

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By diddlebuag - 27/5/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

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By musicgod123 - 29/12/2010 16:56 - France

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

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By ThirdWheelHell - 30/6/2016 06:07 - United States - Farmville

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

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Top comments

By PositiveChillout | 0

#438626 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:50

Well, if it works, it works!

By Montville1 | 0

#438644 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:55

The moral of the story is to put less effort to get better results.

COMMENTS

By PositiveChillout | 0

#438626 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:50

Well, if it works, it works!

By PositiveChillout | 0

#438627 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:50

Well, if it works, it works!

By anonymous2323 | 0

#438628 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:50

Haha well maybe you should sleep in late like that every day!

By redbluegreen | 40

#438643 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:55

Sometimes bed hair can look really awesome though.

Reply

Dfeline | 2

#438702 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:13

Totally. Bed hair makes me want to run my fingers through the guy's hair and do bad, bad things to him.
Most guys shouldn't even bother with combing, hairspray, gel, whatever it is they do with it.
Just wash it and leave it be, guys.

Reply

DrAwesome | 6

#438958 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 3:59

... So, you wanna meet up somewhere sometime? ;)

Reply

PokeyStix | 3

#440260 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 18:02

No. Some guys have naturally crap hair. Some guys need gel and styling/straightening. Some don't. Depends on the person.

Reply

chanman | 0

#441560 - Thursday 30 July 2009 3:23

yeah, like if I left my bed hair, I'd look like a peacock. Not good.
The only bed hair I can pull off is what I call "artificial bedhead", which is completely pointless because you're trying to make it look like you're not trying. -.-

Reply

DrAwesome | 6

#441626 - Thursday 30 July 2009 3:55

Uhh... was that a no? If it was, I won't make dinner plans then...

By Montville1 | 0

#438644 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:55

The moral of the story is to put less effort to get better results.

Reply

Clairina | 0

#438843 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 3:05

agreed. =)

Reply

silvac13 | 0

#2443078 - Monday 2 May 2011 4:50

haha fukin right!!!

Reply

Vintage_Cola | 29

#6386430 - Thursday 20 August 2015 5:56

Sounds like High School life in a nutshell.

By Sorrel | 0

#438662 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:02

Yeah, I am with number 4, occasionally my bed head results in awesome hair that I couldn't have done if I tried. -_-

Reply

kaycee1996 | 5

#4163507 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:06

Mine too : )

By aback | 4

#438664 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:02

Run with it.

By abetterday | 4

#438668 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:02

ummm shouldn't u be happy that ur hair looks great without any work?

By barty5858 | 0

#438677 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:05

I'm the same way. I use a little water to flatten out some of the unkempt parts, then I am good to go. Be happy that you can sleep a little later from now on.

By letthemxeatcake | 0

#438684 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 2:07

You should stick with messy hair! Men + messy hair = smexy