Work: Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job,...

By ohdear. - 29/03/2014 23:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 988

You deserved it 4 751

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 128

You deserved it 707

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 16:56 - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 304

You deserved it 3 785

By Anonymous - 08/08/2013 20:20 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 010

You deserved it 5 045

Social skills

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 18:00

Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 2 140

Oh, the patriarchy

By confused - 09/02/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, a coworker grabbed my ass for the third time. I went to my boss to complain about the sexual harassment. He told me to suck it up and enjoy the attention, and that it was my fault for having a huge, round ass. I think it's time for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 185

By TimeForANewJob - 16/01/2017 17:47

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 984

You deserved it 723

By jeezy - 23/02/2009 10:35 - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 365

You deserved it 3 293

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 00:11 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 070

You deserved it 2 209

Undercover

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 21:00

Today, I was talking to this girl I really like at my work. Everything was going fine until our boss called me into his office. Apparently I was being a little too flirty with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 231

By single again - 06/09/2013 00:29 - United States - Chico

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 125

You deserved it 5 300

AUShano 15

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:40

Obviously a case of 100% Customer Satisfaction!

ThomasBombadil 31

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:35

I'll have what she had.

Comments

jerryj 27

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:32

Well, did you find anything?

subiedude08 17

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:34

Yea the sweet spot.

buckdharma 37

Sunday 30 March 2014 14:40

Forbidden fruit maybe?

SgtAssCheeks 21

Sunday 30 March 2014 14:43

The apple of Eden?

Llamassss 21

Sunday 30 March 2014 17:36

Well, she went on her way, so nothing was found.

Stazza11 27

Sunday 30 March 2014 22:04

At least you know who to call for role play now haha.

chocolatefrog28 29

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:33

Well, at least one of you enjoyed the experience.

Chanti_fml 26

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:34

Sounds like she finished too...

ThomasBombadil 31

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:35

I'll have what she had.

AUShano 15

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:40

Obviously a case of 100% Customer Satisfaction!

Jessj958 19

Sunday 30 March 2014 19:41

Because you are great at what you do! ;) lol

Jakob2255 12

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:42

check your pocket for her number

ClearlyImFunny 12

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:42

First to say YDI give me a badge

FucYoCouch 13

Sunday 30 March 2014 14:09

Clearly your username is wrong.

hellnosucka 27

Sunday 30 March 2014 18:17

yea I think #8 misspelled their name quite terribly.

CrikOgresmasher 19

Sunday 30 March 2014 21:04

I think it was meant to be "Clearlyimfirst". I call first to bitchslap him

why_teh_hell 25

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:44

/Just her way of making the experience mutual and making you feel as awkward as you probably made her feel./ At least I'm hoping that's why.

garrett_8614 14

Monday 31 March 2014 0:06

I'm sure OP feels just as awkward feeling up people all day

why_teh_hell 25

Monday 31 March 2014 8:19

Haha, true. Well I guess she made it even worse then!

chuka81 27

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:46

Maybe she was just trying to rattle you. Or maybe you have really good hands.

Black_Knight80 13

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:53

She probably really needed the job.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Love Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 580

You deserved it 5 576

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 973

You deserved it 2 303

The Top

Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 325

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 825

You deserved it 4 632

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 630

You deserved it 8 386

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 477

Today, my 6-year-old nephew told me that he wanted to grow up already, so that he could smoke, drink and, "fuck like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 152

Today, when my husband told me years ago he wanted to parent just like his dad used to, I had no idea that meant helping with practical stuff like cooking and nappy changing, but otherwise ignoring our kid's emotional well-being and telling them to buzz off when they try to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 168

Same thing different taste

Social skills

Oh, the patriarchy

Undercover

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