Work: Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job,...

By ohdear. - 29/03/2014 23:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 995

You deserved it 4 755

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 143

You deserved it 710

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 16:56 - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 317

You deserved it 3 791

By Anonymous - 08/08/2013 20:20 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 023

You deserved it 5 049

Social skills

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 18:00

Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 2 156

Oh, the patriarchy

By confused - 09/02/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, a coworker grabbed my ass for the third time. I went to my boss to complain about the sexual harassment. He told me to suck it up and enjoy the attention, and that it was my fault for having a huge, round ass. I think it's time for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 191

By TimeForANewJob - 16/01/2017 17:47

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 987

You deserved it 727

By jeezy - 23/02/2009 10:35 - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 379

You deserved it 3 296

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 00:11 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 2 213

Undercover

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 21:00

Today, I was talking to this girl I really like at my work. Everything was going fine until our boss called me into his office. Apparently I was being a little too flirty with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 242

By single again - 06/09/2013 00:29 - United States - Chico

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 140

You deserved it 5 303

AUShano 15

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:40

Obviously a case of 100% Customer Satisfaction!

ThomasBombadil 31

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:35

I'll have what she had.

Comments

jerryj 27

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:32

Well, did you find anything?

subiedude08 17

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:34

Yea the sweet spot.

buckdharma 37

Sunday 30 March 2014 14:40

Forbidden fruit maybe?

SgtAssCheeks 21

Sunday 30 March 2014 14:43

The apple of Eden?

Llamassss 21

Sunday 30 March 2014 17:36

Well, she went on her way, so nothing was found.

Stazza11 27

Sunday 30 March 2014 22:04

At least you know who to call for role play now haha.

chocolatefrog28 29

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:33

Well, at least one of you enjoyed the experience.

Chanti_fml 26

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:34

Sounds like she finished too...

ThomasBombadil 31

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:35

I'll have what she had.

AUShano 15

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:40

Obviously a case of 100% Customer Satisfaction!

Jessj958 19

Sunday 30 March 2014 19:41

Because you are great at what you do! ;) lol

Jakob2255 12

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:42

check your pocket for her number

ClearlyImFunny 12

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:42

First to say YDI give me a badge

FucYoCouch 13

Sunday 30 March 2014 14:09

Clearly your username is wrong.

hellnosucka 27

Sunday 30 March 2014 18:17

yea I think #8 misspelled their name quite terribly.

CrikOgresmasher 19

Sunday 30 March 2014 21:04

I think it was meant to be "Clearlyimfirst". I call first to bitchslap him

why_teh_hell 25

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:44

/Just her way of making the experience mutual and making you feel as awkward as you probably made her feel./ At least I'm hoping that's why.

garrett_8614 14

Monday 31 March 2014 0:06

I'm sure OP feels just as awkward feeling up people all day

why_teh_hell 25

Monday 31 March 2014 8:19

Haha, true. Well I guess she made it even worse then!

chuka81 27

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:46

Maybe she was just trying to rattle you. Or maybe you have really good hands.

Black_Knight80 13

Sunday 30 March 2014 13:53

She probably really needed the job.

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Keywords

Relatable Students Exams Education Work Health Miscellaneous Love Jealousy Wanker Cute Family Intimacy Lonely Sex Jewelry Video games Geek Gamers Awkward Morning Embarrassing Sports Stuck Confused Fight Transportation Cars Money Capitalism

The Top

Today, I got all my co-workers motivated. We were all going to quit and walk out the door. I went first. I gave an emotional speech to my boss and threw my uniform to the ground. Then I turned around to to see the rest follow, they all began laughing. They didn't. They WANTED me to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 045

You deserved it 36 240

Today, while masturbating, I got a huge migraine so I went into the kitchen to get an Advil. As I was getting it, my family was staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. I walked out and realized that I hadn't put my pants back on. I just walked downstairs fully torqued in front of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 2 682

The Top

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 174

You deserved it 25 268

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 080

You deserved it 73 876

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 662

You deserved it 5 123

Today, my mother was watching me play Pokémon. She walked over to the TV and pulled the plug before ranting about how shameful it is that her 17 year old daughter plays Pokémon. She then sat down at the computer and started playing Farmville. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 535

You deserved it 6 041

Today, after 4 years of trying to convince my husband, a landscaper, of the risks of skin cancer, he finally decided to put on sunscreen. Why? His horoscope told him to take care of his skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 502

You deserved it 365

Today, after a week of no side effects, my bronchitis medication decided to screw me over. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and half of my face is sunburnt in randomized patches. Guess who has a huge presentation today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 591

You deserved it 180

Same thing different taste

Social skills

Oh, the patriarchy

Undercover

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