Love: Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer... - FML

By rmb131 - Canada

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

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Instadrama

Intense

One law for me…

By Hannah - Ireland - Wexford

Today, I passed a field where some kids were playing football. The ball rolled over in my direction, so they asked me to kick it over. I tried and failed three times, and ended up throwing it over, where it embarrassingly landed about 2 feet away. They had to come over and get it. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

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By inefficiencies - 2/2/2021 05:10

See ya!

Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

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By Quin

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

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By Stormbringer

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

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By accidentalsmartass - Japan - Tokyo

He deserved it. Snapping ain't cool unless you're a turtle.

Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

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By trippiex

Today, I was driving by the carnival and I really had to use the bathroom. I saw a porta-potty next to a house, so I parked in their front yard to use the bathroom very quickly. I came out to see a group of teenage boys urinating on my car. FML

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By nooneatall - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

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By Jim Smith - United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

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By fiercehawk - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

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By Mogg - Australia

Move!

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

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By funyfunkid - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 11:01

Zoomers

Today, as I was at work as a gynecologist, a twelve-year-old girl asked me, on a scale of 1-10, how tight her "fun stuff" was. This is the new generation. FML

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By Ryuga - United States

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

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By pedestrian - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML

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By rebeccaremily - Canada

Today, my computer stopped working. Me, the technology challenged one, decided to do a system recovery on it hoping that I could make it better. Turns out, system recovery means deleting all the files off the computer including family photos, music and assignments and starting fresh. FML

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By Kasnt - United States

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

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By disgruntled

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

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By Zach Got Robbed - United States - Clifton

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

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By Mr. King - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst walking past a large pond-sized puddle, a double decker bus and a van slowed and drove around the puddle so as not to splash me. Thinking luck was on my side, I began walking more confidently, only for a tiny smart car to come hurtling past, causing a huge wave of water to hit me. FML

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By independant - United States - Corvallis

Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML

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By JOTA - 7/10/2020 04:02 - New Zealand

Jonah begs to differ

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

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By so_this_is_me - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

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By Tim - United States

Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML

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By Nearis - United States

Today, I received a call from the police about a car accident that I was a witness to. As the only witness who stopped to help, I was remembered by the other cars involved. They're blaming me for the accident. The cops want to talk. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

OCD

Today, the room I am renting from an old lady is stuffed with porcelain figures, etc. I carefully put them into the drawers to create some space for the books I need for college. While I was gone, she used her key and put all the porcelain figures back on the shelves. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lemon Grove

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

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By swiggityswooty - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

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By WetPhone - United States

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

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By tbeemcgeebee - United States

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

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By mack - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

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By me - United States - Providence

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

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Top comments

By commafullstop | 0

#44762 - Friday 20 March 2009 12:23

^ That's what he hoped!

BA DUM TSH!

By Jimboom | 11

#44795 - Friday 20 March 2009 12:49

Now just put your head back and relax.. you won't feel a thing.... unless you want to. ;-)

COMMENTS

By Mazzy_fml | 0

#44761 - Friday 20 March 2009 12:21

yeah that sucks lol

Reply

moodyreallyrocks | 27

#3232053 - Sunday 4 September 2011 5:53

Common sava! Ju ma pelle Moody….

Reply

imhope | 23

#5822615 - Friday 10 January 2014 1:20

...what?...

Reply

stefan006 | 8

#7625534 - Saturday 21 April 2018 13:25

Je m’appelle ... I think he was trying to say his name is moody.

By commafullstop | 0

#44762 - Friday 20 March 2009 12:23

^ That's what he hoped!

BA DUM TSH!

Reply

Len_Kagamine | 8

#4835597 - Sunday 19 August 2012 21:35

Thank you, you just made my day

Reply

TheAspieDork | 27

#6599703 - Saturday 7 May 2016 22:23

Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

By Jimboom | 11

#44795 - Friday 20 March 2009 12:49

Now just put your head back and relax.. you won't feel a thing.... unless you want to. ;-)

By Canicula_fml | 2

#44806 - Friday 20 March 2009 13:03

General anaesthetic?

By you_suck | 0

#44807 - Friday 20 March 2009 13:05

suck him off that will take care of it and you will most likely get better care from the dentist

By fml147 | 0

#44813 - Friday 20 March 2009 13:12

well was he hott? hahaha.

Reply

SimpleMinds_fml | 7

#3233927 - Sunday 4 September 2011 17:28

One time I was at the dentist and this hot female dentist person was cleaning my teeth. .. She kept rubbing her ..yeah against the back of my head (and NO I'm not just some perv wanker, it was unmistakable, it's not something a dentist could accidentally do) I didn't mind because she wasn't bad looking haha

By Good_old_Grim | 8

#44815 - Friday 20 March 2009 13:16

And what job would YOU choose, if you had a teeh fetish?

By My_Little_Pony | 0

#44845 - Friday 20 March 2009 13:45

#2 good one!

Reply

my_usagi | 0

#2578048 - Saturday 28 May 2011 7:37

I love your profile pic XD

By Sakeyaki | 0

#44861 - Friday 20 March 2009 14:00

The dentist says to relaaaaax.

By blacklagoon_fml | 0

#44867 - Friday 20 March 2009 14:06

Wow there was definitely one just like this posted from the dentists point of view. Are you 14 and female?