Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
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Top comments
samimarie199 22
I guess you were robbed blind
CaliLoveFire 23
never fall asleep on public transport
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Comments (48)
candyinmavan 8
You're so punny
squidgy787 22
How in the hell do you sleep through someone taking glasses off your face? I understand being lulled into a very light catnap, but geez you would have had to have been in a pretty deep sleep to not stir.
misUnderstood23 9
Funny, that's what I was thinking! How do you fall asleep like that? Its not "NEVER fall asleep on public transportation", just because ya'll would steal them. Its just that people are sick and make me sick. I would have woken up and kicked that person's ass. Nuff said.
WellThatSucked89 13
Glasses become part of your face after a while and you don't notice they are there. I fell asleep on the couch once and my dog stole them off my face and ate them. Lenses and all. I spent days checking to make sure it did not cause him any damage. But I never felt them come off.
J_Kertz 14
There are some sketchy people on subways...
carolhannah 7
Guess it's time for contacts
macystar 14
That's a little extreme, don't you think?
Nyarlothatep 12
I guess you were... -Puts on stolen glasses.- Robbed blind... YEEEEAAAAHH!
cakefete2 30
Yes,.very funny. Now give OP back their glasses.
Linda_zlk 12
How deepest a sleep there you have !
SergeantSnuggles 12
you spoke in old English, had to read that a couple of times. haha
schadenfreud 6
according to David Attenborough most mammals venturing underground eventually lose their sight, this proves it
PancakeSlap 23
Talk about an unforeseen event. Sorry OP, that truly sucks.
Capt_Air713 13
Heavy sleeper aren't you?
Jordan_OL 10
This kinda feels like it'd be a ydi but that also feels like blaming a rape victim for what they were wearing (can't think of a better analogy sorry haha).