Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
samimarie199 22
I guess you were robbed blind
CaliLoveFire 23
never fall asleep on public transport
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (48)
worldclassrager 39
I bet you didn't see that coming.... That has to be one great cat napper to take those off with out waking you up...
Rainhawk94 27
I woke up and caught someone trying to steal my virginity
KasiaLilith 13
I stop myself from sitting down in the subway when I'm tired, ever since I woke up to two kids throwing smarties to my open mouth. From the distance.
pooldude 24
Glasses?? What are they going for now a days!?
cjhons 16
Did anyone else instantly think of Brenda in "Adventures in Babysitting" (1987)?
Lexiebear27 10
Me! Yay!
Kuro_Kamen 12
Can't believe that happened in Canada.
sanecatlady 13
Sadly, there are people who are complete jerks anywhere you live. I know since I met most of them in junior high school.
VoodooPriestess 16
As someone who wears glasses, that has to be the most asshole-ish thing to do. Beside how expensive they get, no one knows how bad someone's eyes are. Mine are bad to the point where I have to shower with them on. I hope you got through the day okay and had some kind of back up pair somewhere.
Beepbeep7 14
I'm guessing you've never watched adventures in babysitting.
derbygirl3 4
In Canada people are suppose to be nice .... my whole life is a lie!
BrittNic0le 9
Apparently, they figured since you weren't using them...