Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML
Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML
Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
deathbreadstick 10
I don't get why your first thought was that it was a cockroach.
eurekaroy 6
Is your house nasty enough that cockroaches get in your bed :/
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (179)
PokeMandee 4
germs don't stick to cockroaches easily so they are only as dirty as whatever they are standing on at the time. plus they have the habit of cat-like grooming. they also eat the eggs of fleas, bedbugs, and lice that live in your home, so be thankful they're there. just keep a clean house and you'll have clean roaches. they're harmless
ea5tbayf1nest 8
What kind of necklace breaks into a dozen pieces? Must be cheap!
coffee2353 11
Why would you spend your money on a new necklace if you have cockroaches?
general58 2
Australia must be full of cockroaches.
scottyspot 11
If you have such a bad problem with roaches that they get into your bed on occasion a broken necklace is the least of your problems.
nessamarks 0
If you think you have cockroaches, why would you buy a new necklace and not have your house fumigated?
tyceabbott101 4
Is ur neclace that cheap that it would break like that?
Youadoreme69 4
Who cares if the necklace was cheap or not. That's not the point. The point is that it was new and she obviously liked it. I would be upset if I broke something brand new and I liked it, cheap or not.
DrummersGirl_14 0
Why do you have cockroaches...?
loserman67 36
the first thing you thought was cockroach??? Your house must be really nasty. Time for the exterminator (then the jeweler),,,,