Today, while I was in the shower, I noticed a short, black hair on my loofah. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, I was expecting lizards, spiders, and weird local insects in my hotel room. What I got was a cockroach on my toothbrush. A very tiny cockroach. FML
Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML
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Top comments
MiddleChild08 0
Look at it this way...at least it was clean cockroach...
Whats_Love09 0
Im hoping you showered... again. Without the roach this time.
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Comments (129)
NDnation44 0
first motherfuckers!
Zhejan 0
F your life? Look at it from the cockroach's perspective. He just had a sweaty ballsack wiped on him.
too_much_fun 0
I'm going to be the first to say it. DONT use the word "proceeded".
redbluegreen 40
Seriously, you and everyone else, get your panties out of a twist. It's just a ******* word. Would you rather them say 'and then' or 'continued to'? I invite you to go into any high school and explain to the teachers that proceeded is no longer an acceptable word to use. Really. Remember, people misuse words ALL THE TIME! And I hardly notice the word being used anymore. Just calm down.
too_much_fun 0
I'm actually being the calm one. My comment was a mere two sentences. You decided it was necessary to use swear words and take a whole paragraph to criticize me. So, I think you should "proceed" to shut up, and calm down yourself. ;)
quantum_insanity 0
I see people say that on here ALL the time. I don't get it. What is so wrong with 'proceeded'? It's a perfectly normal and common part of the English language. What's got everyone's panties in a twist?
redbluegreen 40
People just love to bitch. ^ ^ I love having little explosive rants. It's sadder when people read them.
too_much_fun 0
Type in the word "proceeded" into search and you'll see what I mean. Its time to be a little more original people.
quantum_insanity 0
1. to move or go forward or onward, esp. after stopping. 2. to carry on or continue any action or process. 3. to go on to do something. 4. to continue one's discourse. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/proceeded) Meaning number 1 and 2 seem particularly apt in this case.
too_much_fun 0
No, dont search the dictionary. I meant type the word "proceeded" into the FML search. Hundreds of people have used the very same word in all their FMLs. And that, is the reason people are trying to stop it. Its annoying. Be original.
Pandasaur 0
Are you also on a crusade to stop millions of people who, every day, happen to use the same words as millions of other people? Proceeded is a word that works here and in other FMLs. What reason is there to be upset? Be more original with the things you complain about, please.
quantum_insanity 0
Oh I see, well actually you do have a point there, but there are tons of other words that everyone uses all the time too, so your point is a bit pointless :p
redbluegreen 40
Originality is a lie. http://i37.tinypic.com/4h3whk.jpg That's all that comes to mind, honestly. Along with other quotes, but I hate when people say or claim to "be original". We can't all invent something every time we want to open our mouths.
Ohnothingreally 0
Oh boo-hoo. Someone on a website used a word that has already been used before! What ever shall we do? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE FUTURE OF VOCABULARY?! They can say "proceeded" if they want to. Jesus Christ. You don't yell at people for saying "said" instead of "vocalized". >.>
Poke_Her_Face_fml 0
ok too much fun your really annoying, and not slick. your just a little Internet ******, stfu and go stuff your face with more cookies.
b182link 0
proceeded proceeded proceeded
Icyyy 0
The word annoys me so much. I feel like breaking my iPhone when I'm modding and see something that says 'tdayy I proceeded to run ovar mi dogfml'. -_- The word's overused in the FML community, and that's a fact.
MiddleChild08 0
Look at it this way...at least it was clean cockroach...
effyoubitch 5
I fear this everytime I get in the shower ew.
Whats_Love09 0
Im hoping you showered... again. Without the roach this time.
cynicallysenecal 0
Do you not clean your shower? This could of been avoided. YDI
brooksc33 0
could have? YDI
cynicallysenecal 0
I am retarded
Tungmup 0
You're also fat as ****.
IamSpartacus 0
Tungmup - you're an a**hole
Marvin_Kay 10
Tungmup you nothing but pathetic
99MDC 0
Bet it loved the show.
hellonobody 0
ewww, nasty
Pointy130 0
Yeah, three possibilities here. a) pubes. b) normal hair. c) roach. Its always c.
allmidnighteyes 10
What about ass hairs?
BlakesBabe23 4
ass hairs are pubes too, just in a different spot
misstragedy 0
YDI for using a loofa.
scorpioserpent 1
Yeah, I really didn't know men used those...
redbluegreen 40
I pay my brother to use one just so I can say I know a guy who uses one.
fluffyhead0098 0
Wow, that's pretty sad.
redbluegreen 40
Eh, he hasn't asked for the money. It's kinda funny. You've never been bored and paid your siblings to do something?
ned_schneebley 0
you took the words out of my mouth. i agree. he totally deserves it for being a dude and using a loofa.
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Hmmm? Am I the only dude who uses body wash? I only use bar soap for making things go BOOM!
allmidnighteyes 10
Nah, I'm with Paper St. Soap Co. as well. ;]
Pandasaur 0
So you're the one terrorizing all of those liposuction clinics.
redbluegreen 40
He is, he is. Hi, Tyler!
redbluegreen 40
Hey, Rachel. (;
Pandasaur 0
Hah! Good to see you... sir. I could do this all day, but for the sake of everyone else who chooses to scroll through the comments, I won't.
redbluegreen 40
Who gives a **** about them? I don't. They who choose to read the comments... Choose to read the comments, for better or worse. I'd rather have witty comments with a point then 50 comments all saying, "YDI for being a douchenozzle!" Wouldn't you?
Pandasaur 0
You make a good point, Tylerachel. :]
redbluegreen 40
Thank you. ^ ^
yardsgreen 0
At first I thought loofa was a euphemism for ******, but then the context made clear that's not what it was. I agree with all the other commenters that YDI for being a man and using a loofa.
jessamyn_it_is 0
Haha, exactly my thoughts ;D
Poke_Her_Face_fml 0
haha nice English. I respect you.
megitts 0
what's a loofa
jcorbs 0
how do you not know what a loofa is????
NGM_47 0
Ha! It got a free peep show, but yeah...I hope you showered again.
redhead12 0
I can only imagine how grody the rest of your house must be...
crocko101 0
YDI