Miscellaneous: Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals,... - FML

By roomie487 - 06/10/2009 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 153

You deserved it 4 316

Broken heart

Good kid

Live, laugh, love no one

By goodstudent - 20/06/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, I left my grandmother's burial to take a midterm. Earlier I e-mailed the professor to ask permission to take it later, and she flat out said "no." I left my grieving family, and traveled hours back to school. I went to class, only to discover that the prof decided to move the exam date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 730

You deserved it 2 512

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 039

You deserved it 70 026

By katelynm - 08/02/2013 06:24 - United States

Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 881

You deserved it 8 966

By inked - 05/02/2012 05:54 - United States

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 349

You deserved it 31 163

By smoothcoffee - 27/08/2009 05:53 - Australia

Today, the bank called saying we were late in the mortgage payments. I was puzzled because three months ago I issued a big cheque to my mum pay off the mortgage. I just discovered that she instead lost it all at the casino. Turns out, she's become a compulsive gambler ever since dad passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 702

You deserved it 4 007

By Anonymous - 18/09/2009 11:08 - Iraq

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 512

You deserved it 2 862

Great start

By MattClifford - 15/11/2020 17:01 - Australia

Today, I passed my driver's test. As I was driving home, I was rear-ended. Rear-ended by the examiner that'd passed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 57

By keeks_25 - 08/05/2009 20:53 - Canada

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 721

You deserved it 25 872

By trick or not treat - 31/10/2009 22:26 - France

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 319

You deserved it 7 210

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 20:10

Today, I found out that the doctors accidentally perforated my left ear drum performing a routine wax syringing. I was at the doctor's for a completely different reason, having crushed my pinky at the gym. They can't fix either and my finger needs surgery, which can't happen until next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 108

By Rowan Curry - 15/09/2012 15:37 - United States - San Jose

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 643

You deserved it 49 149

By WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality - 26/06/2014 11:35 - Australia - Belconnen

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 057

You deserved it 4 580

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 21:06 - United States - Buffalo

Spicy

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 950

You deserved it 10 956

Smile like you mean it

By sad - 24/08/2021 08:01

Today, I was feeling sad and depressed at work, when a customer said, “Smile. It’s nice and sunny outside.” Sunny weather makes me depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 574

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 11:42 - Canada

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 336

You deserved it 13 303

By I think its dead - 15/01/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 904

You deserved it 41 348

By Tabby - 06/08/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 511

You deserved it 3 833

By Anonymous - 06/03/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, a soldier in my unit had unknowingly lost a GPS in the woods and my section was sent to go find it. After hours of wading through chest high swamps in 32 degree weather, the GPS was found, thanks to the soldier who lost it. It was in his vest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 2 304

Mistaken identity

By thedogwalker - 09/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was out walking my dog, when a lady called out to me asking, “Is that a boy or a girl?” Assuming she meant the dog, I told her that he was a boy. When I turned away, I heard her say to her kid, “I was talking about the person walking the dog, but whatever,” then audibly laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 185

By sopissed - 13/06/2012 18:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 588

You deserved it 3 608

By bet a woman would've been thanked - 07/05/2013 20:21 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 036

You deserved it 3 092

By thankzbabe - 04/01/2012 12:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 107

You deserved it 5 535

By Samm Povich - 25/02/2012 05:36 - United States

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 859

You deserved it 2 523

By AK-47 - 17/07/2015 23:04 - United States - Farmington

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 667

You deserved it 3 441

No pain, no gain

By skinny & doomed - 06/06/2021 20:01

Today, after two full months of trying to gain weight, I haven’t gained a single pound. Instead, I now have severe and irreversible digestive problems from overeating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 171

By ohhotdamn - 19/04/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 693

You deserved it 5 707

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 03:07 - United States

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 887

You deserved it 3 182

By bruisedego31 - 12/09/2012 21:58 - United States - Chicago Heights

Spicy

Today, I found out there's a rumor going around that my smoking hot co-worker and I had sex over the weekend. I'm not nearly as pissed off about the rumor as I am by the fact that I can't remember it because I was too drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 530

You deserved it 33 146

By David - 02/09/2016 06:01 - United States - London

Today, my boss found out I had applied for a much better paying job. He told me I'd do a better job and make more money there. Then he fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 583

You deserved it 2 309

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 17:06 - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 907

You deserved it 7 174

By Ellen - 21/11/2009 00:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 244

You deserved it 30 168

By Anonymous - 07/05/2013 20:17 - United States - Canton

Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 017

You deserved it 6 409

By Jopes - 10/05/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 608

You deserved it 13 687

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 657

You deserved it 8 124

By MissYouPieceOfSkin - 27/11/2013 08:44 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 843

You deserved it 16 633

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 20:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 502

You deserved it 4 020

By crazycatlady1890 - 02/05/2019 18:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 432

By lonelygirl - 17/08/2012 23:33 - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 030

You deserved it 26 925

By errints234234 - 13/05/2010 23:31 - United States

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 668

You deserved it 47 340

Next!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 05:00

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 262

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Top comments

TattooedToDeath 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:27

be thankful she hasn't tried stuffing her hand up your ass and making you talk.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:34

I dont see whats so bad about that. Unless youre one of those people who think they are cool and grown up by losing their sense of imagination.

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MiddleChild08 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:18

I say immediate room change, and until then sleep with your eyes open and a blunt object in hand...

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:22

lol definitely. And don't turn the lights off. Ever.

fosizzlemynizzlE 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:42

...and?

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 2:02

She makes objects talk. So having a witch for a roommate is a bad thing?

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 2:54

Why is this not on MLIA?

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 3:27

agreed pointy1. so many people confuse the sites.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 3:41

MLIA is boring compared to FML.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 5:51

Is this at a preparatory private middle school? Aww, so cute!

rick_james_b17ch 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 7:04

wrong, no need to be jealous of someone who has the ability to make inanimate objects talk, should make a game of chess very interesting. To the OP, look around see if other people in your new college/neighbourhood have other abilities.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 11:52

Are you saying that your room mate is a ventriloquist? That is kind of cool.

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Monday 19 October 2009 4:42

lol #31 I was thinking the same thing!

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:18

Your roommate has teh cwazies

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:35

...at least she doesn't have the herpes

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 2:55

Oh. Emm. Geeh. TEH CWAZIES-ZORZ!!!!1!!

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Sunday 27 February 2011 22:31

lol maybe u should steal his/her stuffed animal and never give it bk??? muahaha pure evil :P

Daaniellee1234 8

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:19

Best roommate ever. #2, Fail

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:20

blunt object.. weak.... go for a 45.

nogooddeed714 0

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Monday 9 January 2012 2:55

It's a .45 referencing the caliber.... :/

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:20

I don't see why this is a FML. Your roommate seems cute.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:56

It's an FML because OP is so much less cool than his/her roomie... and because if OP is a guy he knows his roomie will get all the girls (:

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 2:10

She better be a lesbian then

MiniatureMayhem 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:22

Maybe she's into ventriloquism.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 4:12

Just what I was thinking. Funny first impression huh? I wouldn't have been creeped out but curious. Maybe she was just practicing and decided to see how you could handle her passion? :D

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Thursday 4 March 2010 23:45

maybe she's into puppets?

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:24

Your roomie wins. :] YDI for not appreciating stuffed animals.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:25

FYL how? Maybe if she was completely nuts, that'd be different. But I know plenty of people who pretend stuffed animals are real just for fun.

TattooedToDeath 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:27

be thankful she hasn't tried stuffing her hand up your ass and making you talk.

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 4:11

Kinky.

PandaPandaPandaX 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 7:04

I know some people who would have that as a prerequisite. :P

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 10:13

very kinky lol ^_^

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 1:28

that's not cr33py at all.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 51

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 26

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 89