Animals: Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a...

By freakfreak12345 - 19/07/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 624

You deserved it 74 656

Animals

Another great day to be alive

Compromises

Weirdo cousin

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 12:16 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 216

You deserved it 4 323

She'll come around

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 22:05

Today, my only friend confessed she loved me, but I’m not a lesbian so I had to let her down. Apparently she thought I was a lesbian too, so she ran away mortified. I just got a text that she can’t see me anymore, because it’s too painful. I have no relatives and now no friends. I’m totally alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 86

Look who's talking

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 18:01 - Canada - Nepean

Today, my ex asked me to help her with a payment for a loan she had to pay, which she'd forgot she had to pay. I told her I needed to go to bank, and was busy at the moment. She told me that I needed to be more organized in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 147

By CheeseyPotatoes - 11/04/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 670

You deserved it 73 398

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 15:29 - United States - Denver

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 433

You deserved it 3 445

Cooperation

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 02:02 - Germany - Emden

Today, I share a bathroom with two other people and we divide tasks equally. They take care of making it dirty; I take care of making it clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 97

By natural selection i guess - 09/12/2016 09:02

Today, I found out why my biology class TA, who takes the class alongside the other students, was always so eager to collect my work. Turns out, she's been erasing my name on my papers and writing hers in all semester. My failing final grade has already been finalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 391

You deserved it 957

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 191

You deserved it 6 387

By AlwaysGottaFML - 20/08/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 464

You deserved it 3 966

By Anonymous - 10/05/2012 06:25 - United States - Bedford

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 893

You deserved it 1 907

By tigerfiend - 17/02/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 624

You deserved it 5 752

The sad truth

By Soulara89 - 23/12/2014 01:28 - United States - Orlando

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 408

You deserved it 5 223

By Anonymous - 02/01/2014 21:50 - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 678

You deserved it 18 767

By Munch - 12/09/2017 04:00 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 220

You deserved it 868

By thisreallysucks2 - 23/03/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 502

You deserved it 24 321

The Force

By RobinBunny713 - 19/07/2011 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 754

You deserved it 34 240

Addicted to the anticipation

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 07:59 - United States - Verona

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, I had to hear my housemate complain about an order being delayed. The last couple of orders took two months to arrive, and she decided to order yet again from that company, so she checks daily and I have to hear about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 97

By VampiresSayRawr - 28/03/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 505

You deserved it 9 761

Fundies say the darndest things

By dazzla08 - 21/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 220

By birthday blues - 08/11/2016 19:15 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only time people have contacted me is to ask who I voted for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 543

You deserved it 904

By glens - 22/03/2012 06:17 - United States

Today, my company announced a new name. They also announced new coffee mugs with the name on them. They've not announced raises in over 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 431

You deserved it 2 312

By #isthisthepoundkey? - 01/11/2013 16:49 - United States - Deltona

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 496

You deserved it 4 309

By PuppyPeeTimee. - 17/09/2010 06:30 - United Kingdom

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 588

You deserved it 3 501

Paparazzi

By iStoleTheBrownie - 25/08/2017 01:32

Today, my friend asked me to send her a picture of my crush. I've never talked to him so I had to take the picture without him knowing. My flash was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 3 889

By GrandmaShakers - 02/06/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 502

You deserved it 5 170

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 559

You deserved it 4 532

By adalia - 19/07/2009 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 132

You deserved it 4 918

By Nofatforme - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 648

You deserved it 4 847

Hogs gone wild

By NotoriousSRJ - 28/01/2011 15:43 - Canada

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 154

You deserved it 4 308

Kids…

By Satan'sChildren - 28/04/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 3 245

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 122

You deserved it 30 559

By buttpain - 11/01/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 967

You deserved it 1 026

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States

Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 174

You deserved it 3 280

Damn kids!

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 13:57

Today, I found out that my 9 year-old cousin logged into my main chess account and lost 1700 points on purpose down from 2300. Which took 8 years of grinding and several national championships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 158

Feelings

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 00:46 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 454

You deserved it 9 754

By ZZ - 30/06/2009 03:01 - Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 536

You deserved it 66 635

By ihatemyjob - 15/08/2016 19:12

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 531

You deserved it 1 016

By whyme27 - 06/06/2012 01:19 - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 473

You deserved it 4 328

By unicorn - 12/06/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 664

You deserved it 13 238

Smelly Thrones

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 20:00

Today, I hate this time of year, not only because everything is pumpkin spice, but because of Bath and Body work sales. I work in an office full of women, and when Bath and Body has a sale, it's Game Of Smell Thrones in the office. My allergies then act up, and I handle the office phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 247

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Top comments

Mi24hind 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:28

YDI for peeing on the hornets. what did they do to you?

KaptainKronicX 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:36

They must have been pissed. ;)

nikkilovee1997 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:28

that sucks!!

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:31

don't pee on a hornets nest? and don't be a wuss it's just a few stings

cocobulla1 4

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:32

no shit Sherlock

Iamnotmyself 17

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:34

Let's pee on a hornets nest, they obviously can't get me up here even though they can fly!

KaptainKronicX 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:34

They must have been pissed off...

melchibr_fml 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:36

that's why I only poop on hornet nests

BeatlesObsessed 12

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:37

What were you even thin-- Oh wait, you're a freakfreak...that explains it all.

UnicornHunter 12

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 1:21

What a idiot xD

ngm_fml 5

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 2:47

YDI YDI YDI idiot

chuckychan 8

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 2:48

look on the bright side, you made us all laugh

Mi24hind 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:28

YDI for peeing on the hornets. what did they do to you?

KaptainKronicX 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:36

They must have been pissed. ;)

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:37

Agreed. Don't fuck with mother nature; It'll get pissed off.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:38

Close the window next time, might help.

lajaynay 15

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:41

Agreed. Don't piss on mother nature. Shes a bitch.

BeatlesObsessed 12

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:41

What were you even thin-- Oh wait, you're a freakfreak...that explains it all.

DeepDownThere 3

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:43

Well since everyone knows Hornets don't sting they obviously tied OP up to a chair and beat him with bats and brass knuckles. Then sold him into the sex trade and spent the money on crack and kit-Kat bars. What do you think the hornets did?

littlemissFYL 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:45

why are people assuming OP purposely did this? OP could have just peed out the window and a hornet's nest just so happened to be there. or OP thought it would have been funny to mess with mother nature. either way, OP is a nimrod & screwed.

daisyloo 7

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:47

YDI. Why would you even want to do that? Seriously! I'm sorry that you don't have common sense OP:(

FYLinAmajorWay 1

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:48

I guess this is why the "Warning, Do not try this at home" message appears before the start of every Jackass movie. Haha YDI if it was on purpose, FYL if it was an accident.

jamie72596 9

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:59

At 42...I guess he didn't look before he leaked

RetardedBullFrog 4

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:09

39, I think 2 was asking what the hornets ever did to the OP to deserve getting peed on. Not what the hornets did to him after he peed on them.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:11

35-- Why you gotta copy me?

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:19

don't fuck with hornets. their so badass they have there own theme song. black and yellow, black and yellow.

BShady96 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:32

you know what they say, its better to be pissed on than pissed off and get stung by a million bees!

purplepizza21 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:35

WTF encouraged you to do that shit in the first place ?????

morganrules123 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:48

Why do guys pee on everything?

trgower13 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:49

I bet it hurt falling on your dick. haha

JenL_fml 7

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 0:14

Why the F is he peeing out of a second story window?!

DeepDownThere 3

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 0:29

Oh. Got it. Some things are hard to convey through text.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 0:53

85-- To mark our territory *pisses on 85*

asianperry 8

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 1:04

Wait,why would you pee out of a second story window? Or pee out of a window period? Was someone using your toilet,or is something wrong with it? Or,do you not have any common sense?

DeepDownThere 3

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 1:11

Asian perry. You sound like an incredibly boring person.

Drclino 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 1:45

i call bs! how would you fall out the window if your standing there taking a piss? is it a 5 foot tall sliding window or what

DalekScythe 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 1:52

he still deserves it for peeing out a window.

tjv3 10

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 2:07

well that's one way to get a plumper penis, saves the money on enzyte

steveakafranxy 7

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:11

#42 Even if OP didn't know about the nest, who the hell pees out a window?

el_paso_guy89 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:23

*pees on 85*

morganrules123 10

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:27

109-It's not polite to piss on people

Aim4thebullseye 4

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 6:20

*pisses on 171*

naughtia 14

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 6:31

how about a toilet next time?

Monii_Harlz 11

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:20

were did you get an idea to piss on a hornets nest?! durrrp!! corse there gonna come for you :p

da_cookie_monsta 1

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:28

I weep for the future of humanity.

AllTiimeLow 1

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:55

I thought it was pretty funny, and if I had one of those things I would do the same too. Lmao.:D

itsgen 16

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 8:20

haha this made me laugh!

seanders 10

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 8:27

If you piss on nature it will get pissed off.

Ugi 26

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 11:01

To be well away from the hornets I guess - presumably forgetting .... that hornets, as well as stinging like hell, can also fucking fly!

Ugi 26

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 11:04

Sorry - that was a reply to 200 but somehow ended up here. Ho Hum.

TheRealHouse 7

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 12:18

*pees on everyone peeing on Morgan* now you are ALL mine!!! muhahaha!!!

spoyhawk 1

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 13:54

#44 although this was stupid.. At least he tried something out of the ordinary. Something he dosent do everyday. Yes he couldve used his judgement. But he didnt and this taught him a lesson so i mean its not always appropriate to just dismiss every xrazy idea the second it tests your limits. We woul

rachilio 26

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:42

no shit asshole..... oh and those who are pissing on 85 & 171 need to fuck off

Jownz345 3

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Thursday 21 July 2011 8:03

YDI for being in a building

nhbasskid13 23

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Saturday 24 August 2013 16:22

42-who pees out a window?

BoltTheSuperdog 22

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Friday 4 April 2014 5:03

OP might have been drunk, which would also explain why he fell through the window.

skatrgirl96 4

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:28

well lesson learned right?

greg84_fml 21

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:41

Let's us all hope so. Sounds like this guy got what was coming to him.

PrickHead 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:59

its better to be pissed off than pissed on...

sarahbella101 7

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 0:45

If this was by accident, fyl. but if it was on purposeydi. except why were you peeing from a window in the first place?? actually, ydi.

flagg1888 3

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 2:57

this is a pure YDI. seriously was the toilet just too far away??

J0gby 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 4:11

Some boys just do not deserve to have a penis....

goaliemkl123 8

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:17

89- the hornets got both.

ArentICute 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:42

Those hornets must have been pissed.

iSitt 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 10:37

why assume op is male?

TheRealHouse 7

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 12:22

^ lmao.. I just pictured some chick in a skirt or something hanging out a window croutching over a hornets nest awsome

lovejdbieber 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 15:33

wat in gods name gave u that idea???? moron

tatsmcgrath 4

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:28

ouch!

omgcookeys 15

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 1:19

it wouldn't be just "ouch" if he landed on his exposed junk.

Crncj 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 4:19

today, I learned that people are actually peeing on hornets nets' and falling through their friends' second story window

Dr_Jalepenos 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:44

Why do that in the first place.

jmk1469 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:30

ouch. why were you trying this anyway?

jmk1469 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:15

on a hornet's nest from a window?

JesusFishTaco 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:20

He obviously drank a Sobe just before this.

alphabetsoup96 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 2:22

whats wrong with the toilet?

Smokingweenies 3

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 4:30

Seriously! What would compel someone to randomly pee out of a 2 story window?

da_cookie_monsta 1

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:31

Maybe OP grew up in the museum of dumbassery.

MrOcean 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:30

i get scared shitless by bees

goshpeople 4

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:57

Better in this case to be scared pissless.

ThreeSheetsGone 12

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 23:48

Hornet stings hurt a hell of a lot more than bee stings, or yellow jacket, or red wasp. Baking soda and water will be OP's best friends for a couple of days.