Transportation: Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership,...

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 16:30 - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 356

You deserved it 2 640

Transportation

Mama's boy

This Charming Man

In vain

By dogsickftl - 31/10/2009 19:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'for sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 510

You deserved it 7 015

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 15:19 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 182

You deserved it 7 263

I smell winter

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 17:02

Today, in my mom’s house, I can stay in one of two rooms: The one that's clean, tidy, quiet and has a comfortable seat… or the one that's warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 96

By fuckingcool - 06/06/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 587

You deserved it 1 022

By screwed - 20/03/2014 21:03 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 166

You deserved it 69 804

Extreme phobias

By Calimero0 - 11/08/2020 17:02

Today, it's 30 degrees Celsius in my bedroom, but I need to stay completely under the covers, because even though I live on the other side of the world, I can't stop thinking about Australian huntsman spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 946

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 291

You deserved it 9 374

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 16:28 - United States

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 626

You deserved it 4 070

By sorrydad - 13/12/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the S and M catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 491

You deserved it 19 757

Signs

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 23:00

Today, it's been a year since I moved 200 km across the country to be closer to my boyfriend of 5 years and his kids. I got the keys to my flat and 3 days later the pandemic was a fact. Shouldn’t have ignored that sign. I’m single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 108

By Random dog owner - 28/01/2017 22:00

Today, I realized I've been hit in the balls more in the past two years than the rest of my life. Why? My dog is always happy to see me and his tail is just the right height. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 315

You deserved it 684

By cazzb - 16/09/2014 04:17 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 762

You deserved it 3 028

By whatnot - 04/08/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 478

You deserved it 3 237

Entitled bitch

By das_shizzle - 02/05/2020 05:00

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 211

By shanson - 07/11/2016 14:06 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my mother lectured me for not spending enough time with her. We literally just got back from a 10 day vacation together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 673

You deserved it 815

By fedUPwithPEOPLE - 31/07/2014 07:35 - United States - Enterprise

Today, the city shut off our water, because they said we didn't pay the bill. Turns out, it was sitting on their desk the whole time. I guess sending someone out to turn off our water was easier than checking to see if we'd actually paid the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 397

You deserved it 3 208

By Adam - 29/07/2019 20:00

Today, I had a job interview at a Holiday Inn. I got there ten minutes early and sat until 1:00 p.m., then told the person at the front desk I was there for my interview. She called the manager, who said that no interviews were scheduled today. I'd gone to the wrong Holiday Inn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 1 615

Weirdo

By Alcina - 10/07/2021 14:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I learned that my friend's "No shoes in the house" rule was only told to me so he had an excuse to see my feet. I found out when he had a group of us over and I was the only one barefoot, while he didn't care that everyone else had shoes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 80

By dxplq876 - 17/03/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 781

You deserved it 4 654

By Anonymous - 10/05/2011 05:12

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 170

You deserved it 11 947

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 677

You deserved it 84 622

By it's shitty, yeah, stfu - 07/03/2013 17:10 - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 264

You deserved it 2 624

Photography nerd

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 23:44 - United States - Boston

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 022

You deserved it 21 793

By SCREWED - 15/07/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 743

You deserved it 3 878

By My Daughter Fails at Life - 26/09/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 788

You deserved it 2 565

By mommyfairy - 12/03/2011 08:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 123

You deserved it 43 147

By someonepleasehelpme - 18/07/2014 16:49 - United States - Centreville

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 711

You deserved it 5 893

By shellie - 13/01/2012 07:48 - Reserved

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 577

You deserved it 4 329

On the rocks

By future divorcee - 06/08/2021 20:01

Today, I told my husband that if he wanted any chance of salvaging our marriage, we would have to go to counseling and he must cut ALL ties with the woman he had an affair with. The sniveling worm actually had the audacity to ask, “If we stop the sex, can I still stay friends with her?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 214

By juliestrawsky - 05/08/2019 04:00

Today, I was paid to be in a commercial, playing a hiker, camping and grilling by a tent with my pretend boyfriend. To make our on-camera interaction more believable, I suggested to him, "Hey, I'm gonna feed you some food, into your mouth." His answer, "Naaah, I'm good." I got rejected on a FAKE date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 544

By Anonymous - 12/05/2014 00:14 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 732

You deserved it 7 797

By Jeathrow - 16/02/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 145

You deserved it 3 986

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 763

You deserved it 58 620

Look Before You Leap

By lemonlime66 - 01/03/2017 22:00

Today, while sitting in a busy store waiting area with my brother he went to the bathroom and came back with his hands cupped saying he found a mouse. He then threw it on the magazine in my lap. I jumped up screaming and flailing about while everyone stared and laughed. It was a piece of cotton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 652

You deserved it 1 159

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 576

You deserved it 46 190

By Em - 30/04/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised I punched my mom in the face when she screamed SURPRISE! FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 450

You deserved it 20 804

By Stung - 19/06/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 013

You deserved it 6 703

By Notaplacetogo - 17/02/2013 06:45 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 552

You deserved it 10 081

By hiitisbrooke - 23/11/2015 20:17 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 822

You deserved it 4 693

By dukebluedevils13 - 05/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 184

You deserved it 8 122

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

speshlk37 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:25

Did that piss you off?

Olivxr 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:23

That's so gross.

Olivxr 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:23

That's so gross.

Lanceeden 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:26

Maybe he just spilled his apple juice. ...that was warm.

Rico_Mal1116 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:32

Don't worry at least it wasn't in your face.

enonymous 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:38

Looks like you found the leak. Charge him for changing his radiator coolant and call it a day

Damn_Hippster 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:51

Well how else was he going to have heated seats?

StormfrontX33_fml 24

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 0:05

Same thing happened to me on the bus a while back. Ever since never been on a public one.

fromthesuck 8

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 3:02

Yep. Private busses are a much better. Who provides your personal bus service?

iluvhobos 5

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 3:55

:O it's a Poppy stain!! (:

neveragain234 1

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 4:29

offer him apple juice that is really pee, that'll teach him

Uncle_Moe_Lester 3

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 8:37

At least it wasn't diarrhea

scrapmetal58 9

Send a private message

Friday 30 September 2011 6:17

Dude naw

katsteak 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:24

Well atleast your butt was warm (:

katsteak 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:27

Sorry you cant delete that my uncle fails.

Boyaa 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:38

Boyaa !

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:44

Ice cold ass? No money for a fancy car with heated seats? No problem, just piss your pants! It's the ghetto seat warmer.

fishing12345 2

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 2:14

Only 4 a little bit

DrewsFML 8

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 8:45

Urine the hot seat now! No? Nevermind.

speshlk37 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:25

Did that piss you off?

ColtsDoug18 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:31

nah, it must have pooped her off...

Lanceeden 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 23:35

what? ^

nitewlf12 10

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 4:47

12- That was a shitty joke.

thaCODgod 4

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 7:04

this is stupid.

ColtsDoug18 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:27

Hey, he's old. he would've jizzed if he was younger. Can't blame the poor guy

whatgoescomes 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:43

Umm not really

pepelittle9 0

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 1:37

Yes really :3

nitewlf12 10

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 4:51

54- Is your username seriously "pepelittle?" And you're trying to talk about jizz? How ironic.

windfuelsfire 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:27

He's into watersports, but with unconsenting random ppl like yourself!!

drloves69 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:28

So you where pretty pissed?

ikickgingers 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:29

That depends...

hannahcorrine 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:31

Thats extremely cute.

LaughinStock 16

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 5:16

Um how?!?! 0.o

MissRoxiie 12

Send a private message

Thursday 29 September 2011 6:44

Wtf?

copy125 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:32

Dude there's nothing to even say but F your life lol that sucks

hannahcorrine 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:33

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 35

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 66

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 715

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments