Transportation: Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership,...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31331

You deserved it

2640

Favorite

Transportation

Cartoon villain

Be prepared

Mix and match

By Anonymous - Canada - Westerose

Today, our family cat died. I had to explain this to my 2 small children, who had no experience with death. I ended up bawling like a baby while they consoled me, telling me she had, "gone to a better place". FML

I agree, your life sucks

6981

You deserved it

1152

Favorite

By thatsjustgreat - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28772

You deserved it

9153

Favorite

By elite

Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45347

You deserved it

4318

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77833

You deserved it

5346

Favorite

By Lifeless - United States

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14590

You deserved it

33556

Favorite

By soontobesingle - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49816

You deserved it

4967

Favorite

By Anonymous - Greece

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60571

You deserved it

3805

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was tending the cash register. I scanned a lady's items which totaled $89.68. She paid with a $100 bill. I gave her $11.32 change. She angrily gave back the extra dollar and complained about "schools nowadays". I'm an AP Calculus student. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13090

You deserved it

49482

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59351

You deserved it

3573

Favorite

By my bravado's gonna kill me one day

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1215

You deserved it

3696

Favorite

By OMFG I LOVE MLP - Germany - Mainz

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25825

You deserved it

3761

Favorite

By ashleyrae - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12317

You deserved it

86936

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20689

You deserved it

1570

Favorite

By saltinawound - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93946

You deserved it

9789

Favorite

By Mito

Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3512

You deserved it

288

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15808

You deserved it

48466

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2721

You deserved it

363

Favorite

By megan228 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

143226

You deserved it

8980

Favorite

By thatguythere858 - United States

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31327

You deserved it

2768

Favorite

By opposableouch - United Kingdom

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32883

You deserved it

7920

Favorite

By Spencer

Today, I decided to try an online therapy site seeing as I have been feeling very lonely and don’t have any friends to talk to about my issues. After filling out all the initial forms, the site told me there was no one available to speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2744

You deserved it

190

Favorite

By NickJJ - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43414

You deserved it

18370

Favorite

By no more tp

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29986

You deserved it

4326

Favorite

By yeah - United States

Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14696

You deserved it

27641

Favorite

By unknown - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37913

You deserved it

2871

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51116

You deserved it

3661

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got some news from two colleagues, one of whom just got married for the first time, and the other whose long-time wife was recently diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. I wrote each of them a heartfelt note, which would've been thoughtful if I hadn't mixed up the recipients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2993

You deserved it

876

Favorite

By Angel - United States - Charlotte

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27075

You deserved it

1739

Favorite

By Shiva - France - Niort

Today, I decided to clean my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48367

You deserved it

9395

Favorite

By madfather - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29059

You deserved it

72388

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 17:00

Eat the rich

Today, at work, I found out that they are taking all bonus pay away, but giving us an extra $1 an hour due to Covid-19. Last week, they laid off half my department. Those people laid off are making more money on unemployment than I am now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1757

You deserved it

102

Favorite

By latino14 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12082

You deserved it

39267

Favorite

By pvtcab - United States

Today, my roommate and I had to pay our first installment of rent. He's nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30992

You deserved it

3021

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7915

You deserved it

103524

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35464

You deserved it

3426

Favorite

By Casino - United States

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29295

You deserved it

100707

Favorite

By in this day and age.... - United States - Dallas

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20992

You deserved it

1774

Favorite

By galen - United States

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64858

You deserved it

27639

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I saw a teenager knock over a woman, so I rushed over to help her up. Turns out, she had a knife and thanked me by stealing my wallet and phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1857

You deserved it

217

Favorite

By Lizzzyygurl - United States

Today, a foreigner walked into my restaurant to pick up his pizzas. The bill was $25 and he gave me $30 and a 100 dollar bill. I gave him his change from the 30 and I didn't understand so I gave him back the 100 dollars. He said "Well if you dont want it, okay." He was gonna tip me $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50610

You deserved it

14567

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By speshlk37 | 13

#3361910 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:25

Did that piss you off?

By Olivxr | 5

#3361897 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:23

That's so gross.

COMMENTS

By Olivxr | 5

#3361897 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:23

That's so gross.

Lanceeden | 12

#3361916 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:26

Maybe he just spilled his apple juice. ...that was warm.

Rico_Mal1116 | 0

#3361976 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:32

Don't worry at least it wasn't in your face.

enonymous | 8

#3362015 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:38

Looks like you found the leak. Charge him for changing his radiator coolant and call it a day

Damn_Hippster | 11

#3362108 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:51

Well how else was he going to have heated seats?

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#3362316 - Thursday 29 September 2011 0:05

Same thing happened to me on the bus a while back. Ever since never been on a public one.

fromthesuck | 8

#3362938 - Thursday 29 September 2011 3:02

Yep. Private busses are a much better. Who provides your personal bus service?

iluvhobos | 5

#3363059 - Thursday 29 September 2011 3:55

:O it's a Poppy stain!! (:

neveragain234 | 1

#3363180 - Thursday 29 September 2011 4:29

offer him apple juice that is really pee, that'll teach him

Uncle_Moe_Lester | 3

#3363776 - Thursday 29 September 2011 8:37

At least it wasn't diarrhea

scrapmetal58 | 9

#3367788 - Friday 30 September 2011 6:17

Dude naw

By katsteak | 0

#3361899 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:24

Well atleast your butt was warm (:

katsteak | 0

#3361925 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:27

Sorry you cant delete that my uncle fails.

Boyaa | 3

#3362011 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:38

Boyaa !

ShroomsOnAcid | 16

#3362050 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:44

Ice cold ass? No money for a fancy car with heated seats? No problem, just piss your pants! It's the ghetto seat warmer.

fishing12345 | 2

#3362802 - Thursday 29 September 2011 2:14

Only 4 a little bit

DrewsFML | 8

#3363792 - Thursday 29 September 2011 8:45

Urine the hot seat now! No? Nevermind.

By speshlk37 | 13

#3361910 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:25

Did that piss you off?

ColtsDoug18 | 0

#3361967 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:31

nah, it must have pooped her off...

Lanceeden | 12

#3362229 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 23:35

what? ^

nitewlf12 | 10

#3363251 - Thursday 29 September 2011 4:47

12- That was a shitty joke.

thaCODgod | 4

#3363619 - Thursday 29 September 2011 7:04

this is stupid.

By ColtsDoug18 | 0

#3361926 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:27

Hey, he's old. he would've jizzed if he was younger. Can't blame the poor guy

whatgoescomes | 5

#3362048 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:43

Umm not really

pepelittle9 | 0

#3362700 - Thursday 29 September 2011 1:37

Yes really :3

nitewlf12 | 10

#3363268 - Thursday 29 September 2011 4:51

54- Is your username seriously "pepelittle?" And you're trying to talk about jizz? How ironic.

By windfuelsfire | 10

#3361928 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:27

He's into watersports, but with unconsenting random ppl like yourself!!

By drloves69 | 4

#3361931 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:28

So you where pretty pissed?

By ikickgingers | 15

#3361943 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:29

That depends...

By hannahcorrine | 0

#3361964 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:31

Thats extremely cute.

LaughinStock | 16

#3363334 - Thursday 29 September 2011 5:16

Um how?!?! 0.o

MissRoxiie | 12

#3363585 - Thursday 29 September 2011 6:44

Wtf?

By copy125 | 0

#3361974 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:32

Dude there's nothing to even say but F your life lol that sucks

By hannahcorrine | 0

#3361980 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 22:33